Is it really true that sex comes to you easier when you're not looking for it?

I've heard this said before and that has even happened to me a few times when I wasn't interested, but is it a real case in general?


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  • Women can smell the reek of desperation and it repells them, so not actively seeking sex can help make that stink go away... But desperation is just a symptom of not being confident.

    Confidence is the #1 most important thing that women respond to, especially if you are trying to get casual sex. You want to have a casual, laid back kind of confidence. Think about James Bond - he always acts like sex is a sure thing and not even in question - so he has zero desperation.

    But, casual sex is still a numbers game, and that means you have to be out in the world looking for it if you hope to get it often. And if you will be rejected often too, and you have to understand that is part of the package and always handle it gracefully, and never take it personally. The best players still get rejected a lot, but they are so active and so confident - and spend so little energy on their "failures" - that they are successful a lot too.

    Unless you are "model-handsome", very wealthy, or a celebrity, there are no shortcuts. You have to work for it, and you have to be confident. It doesn't hurt to be the best version of yourself either - clean, well groomed, and dressed well, but the confidence is the key.

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What Girls Said 16

  • No. Absolute not. Nothing comes to you without you participating in life and making things happen.

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  • Most things in life. Money comes when we are too old to enjoy it. There is a saying in my language. life runs towards you when you turn your back to her.

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  • Nope. I've actively not looked for 3 years and I've had zero interest ๐Ÿ˜ So that's a myth.

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    • guys are just intimidated by ur beauty

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    • @georgespr ha thanks :) have a great day

    • u2๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒน

  • I've been in a number of situations when a boy will try and I'm just not interested, I think it just depends who it is

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  • It's pretty easy for girls to get sex, but romance/love is a different story.

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  • I've heard love comes to you easier... not sex..

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  • Eh this isn't necessarily true. With men, you have to try harder. But dating apps like Tinder really do the work for you. So if you want sex, it's out there. But be warned: not a lot of women sincerely want no-strings-attached sex.

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  • I don't think so.

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  • I don't know. Women usually get sex when they're looking for it (and when they're not). I would say that statement is more true about love. Because you're relaxed and confident with yourself and people are attracted to that.

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    • Have you gotten sex easy before?

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    • @Claire2017 "Just because we 'could' get sex easily doesn't mean that we all 'do' every time it presents itself or even the majority of the time."
      - That's basically my point, yeah.

      It most certainly does work on women in private a lot of times. I've almost done it with one myself before.

      I mean soft jobs as in a lot of women are easy. They aren't that reluctant to sleep with a guy if you say the right things.

    • Then I guess the answer to your question is that both men and women can get it anytime they want, both when they're looking for it and when they're not
      ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

  • No. You can't be passive in life if you want anything. That includes sex

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  • Sex is very simple.

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  • Yes. And no.

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  • in theory this works but... NOT EXACTLY. the law of attraction is new age mumbo jumbo bs. they say "be completely indifferent/abundant" and it comes to you magically. its not like that though. you actually MUST BE a goal seeker and an achiever, and have an agenda and an end goal BUT do it in such subtlety and expertise that it doesn't come off as needy... .

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    • I know who you are๐Ÿ˜†

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    • LMMFAO! Always full of humor๐Ÿ˜‰

    • thanks dude... i love you too. in a brotherly way... . in a totally non oedipal brotherly way that is...

  • I don't think so, but you can try.

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  • I don't think that's true.

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What Guys Said 13

  • The phrase is "you find love when you're not looking for it" everyone can find sex, it's really easy if you try.

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  • I can't say for sure generally but for me personally I think there is some truth in that assumption

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  • Ain't Talking 'Bout Love!

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  • Absolutely.

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    • Remember those racing video games? You'd try hard as fuck for a few hrs just getting more and more frustrated but couldn't seem to fucking win?

      The next day you just fuck around and boom! You beat that shit like it was nothin! It's like that...

  • Definitely, when you are looking for it, you end up in weird situations.

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  • Everything in life comes when least expected. It's just life

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  • I know you better than you know yourself laugh out loud you think I haven't been in several abusive relationships know you're right just one but you know what that abusive relationship got me shot with a 40 caliber last year almost killed me. so when he said little good and somebody that's all you need to say. it's nice to compliment people in it's nice to know that you make people feel good and you shouldn't have self-esteem problems I've been where you're at and I've actually felt death and you know what it's out there girl don't worry about nobody else is f****** words Know Who You Are and don't ever let anybody touch you or even f****** abused you. I'm 42 and you know what it's hard as hell starting over but I would much rather be single than to deal with that b*******

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  • no it is not true never happened to me

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  • Yes it is

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  • Yes the rules of attraction apply, and then no, because there are no rules that always apply.

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  • I would say it all depends, sometimes things happen for good reason, and sometimes they happen so they can lead to something more.

    If I may ask, is there anyone out there that wan'ts to wait for marriage?

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  • Hiiii

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  • I highly doubt it, whether I'm looking for it or not - I'm still waiting for it my whole miserable life.

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