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Forgiveness after affair?

My husband just bailed on me and our two daughters. 2 and 2 weeks at the time. We got into a fight and he was supposed to come pick me up from my parents a few days later. No call, no show. Wouldn't take any calls. Despite our baby daughter dying. (Two open heart surgeries? Basically, in the hardest part of my life, suffering from post pardum, and an emergency c section, he runs off with some skank he meets online and fucks her a few times. After about 3 months of ME trying to fix it, I'm Fed up. He was an absolute monster to me and blamed me for his affair. I left him officially. Took his ring off his damn finger and left mine there with him. Went and stayed with my friends for about a week and went out on some dates, fucked some guys and dated this one guy a few times. Just rebounds. He is devastated. Like What the fuck? Are you kidding? Now he's all, I love you come back pussy shit. After some time I give him another chance and he's great the first few months then he kinda starts being a dick again and this time I just don't care anymore. I'm ready to leave, not putting up with the fucking shit the rest of my life. Is it okay that I can't forgive him?
Forgiveness after affair?
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