I feel so sad. When will I meet someone who doesn't want just sex?

When will I meet someone who doesn't want just sex

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Most Helpful Guys

  • It really depends on where you are meeting these people.

    I met my wife online 16 years ago at a time when the internet was actually a more dangerous place than it is now - mostly because the majority of hookup sites then were inhabited by trolls - generally men - looking for a quick way to find self gratification.

    Things have changed and some of my friends about ten years younger than me met their partners online.

    What are you looking for in someone long-term? If you have a dating profile then look at what you say you're looking for. Be honest in it about yourself.

    And - despite opening myself up for attack by saying this - how long do you wait to sleep with a guy? Take time to get to know someone and let them get to know you before bringing sex into it. Sex complicates things, it doesn't open up people.

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  • I don't know. There aren't nearly enough details here to make any kind of a guess.

    But I will say this: in general (which means there are occasional exceptions), the more attractive a man is - whether that's purely physical or is from a combination of looks, wealth, celebrity, confidence, and charisma - the less likely he's going to be looking for a relationship, and the more likely he's going to be looking for casual sex with no strings attached.

    Given that truth, I'd guess that you're pursuing handsome, popular, confident guys - the kind that lots of other women also find attractive and desirable - and so you are finding that they're just looking for sex.

    You can keep doing what you're doing, and hope that you have excellent timing and that you come across an exception before another woman finds him, OR you can start going for guys who are a bit further down the desirability scale. I'm not talking about trolls, but just guys who lack the kind of confidence and charisma that draws lots of women to them. And because of that, you're going to have to do a lot more of the initial "heavy lifting" of getting the relationship off the ground. Those guys are going to be shy, and not likely to approach you - or not likely to be GOOD at approaching you - and you're going to have to show them your interest and help build up their confidence around you so that they feel comfortable enough to ask you out. If you're used to being actively pursued, this will be a lot different - but those guys are MUCH more likely to be looking for a relationship and much more likely to be a good, loyal relationship partner for you.

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    • HAHAHAHAHHAHA OHOHOHOOHH LOLOLOLOLOL HAHAHAH THERE AREN'T ENOUGH DETAILS LEWLWELWELWELWELL

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    • I agree with the poster, The problem obviously lies with you, Maybe the way you flirt or even dress, If you have tried all different types of men and they all react the same, There is a common factor there... you

    • This woman is almost hitting the wall so I'd suggest her to take a good read at this post.

Most Helpful Girls

  • There are characteristics about yourself that you can change to ensure men who only want sex are scared off/disinterested.

    When meeting a new man make sure the loudest thing about you isn't your body/sexual conversation/sexual behaviour rather, make them see your beauty, femininity, kindness and eloquence. I say this because if the only thing you inspire in a man is lust, the only thing he will want from you is sex. If you inspire intrigue, solace, emotional connection, good conversation it's less likely sex is all he'll want you for.

    The way you present yourself to the world makes a difference, don't dress in very provocative clothing, don't have all your skin on show. You can be feminine and attractive without being overly sexy. Make sure you're developing yourself and working on something. A life that doesn't revolve around drama, boredom or triviality but rather is full of excitement, goals, passions is much more attractive to a man. He'd feel more inclined and curious about you, if you enjoy your life with or without him. If your own life makes his more difficult, he's not going to want to be deeply involved.

    Lastly, where are you finding these men? In clubs, bars, tinder? Not that 'relationship oriented men don't visit these places, but the ones that monopolise those venues tend to want a good time not a long time. Find men in places you already enjoy e. g. at your gym, at a cooking class, in the library etc.

    Hope this helps a little. I'm not saying the problem is all you but there are things about you can can help make finding a relationship oriented guy easier for you. There are a lot of men who only want sex, weed them out by not 'giving it up' a the drop of a hat. Although some people may disagree with this standard, it's a pretty simply way to avoid being pumped and dumped. Avoid men who try to initiate a sexual conversation early in your communication. They're laying it on thick and fast because sex with you is all they're thinking about. Whether they want anything to do with you afterwards is an individual thing, BUT always easier to avoid men that behave this way.

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    • You are wiser then most it seems. You probably have more to offer then just your body. We like wise girls.

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    • @jean_A haha thanks :)

    • Guys in general like to help girls. So if she is not happy, well that's just a reason to help her. Real guys ain't scared of that. But if you cannot be helped. Yeah they leave.

  • It looks like a lot of girls have the same problem as you, I don't seem to. I almost always attract guys that are interested in a relationship, not just sex. It could be the sort of guys I go for though; I look for extremely intelligent men, with kindness and humor. If a guy seems more into himself than me, I'm outta there.

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    • @SaintRaghu That's not actually true. Children show altruism. Altruism happens across the animal kingdom. Are you familiar with selfish gene theory?

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    • A pleasure :)

    • Both of you need to calm down. @SaintRaghu your comments are offensive and unneeded. If you have to resort to name calling then your points become invalid.
      I believe there is some truth to Astraea's claims, as people want partners that would at least invest SOMETHING into the relationship and therefore the other person. She has her standards, and since you need to be nasty, it seems you don't meet hers. I'm sure she's not crying over the loss. As I'm sure you do not think she's a loss to you.

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What Guys Said 143

  • You need to think about the types of men you're attracting and from where. Is it normally from a club or a bar? Those men typically are just looking for sex. Do the men you talk to typically flirt with sexual innuendos right away? Are they often over confident? Do they disrespect other women around them? If they do, you're looking for the wrong type of men. Look for a man who acts more humble and kind to everyone around him. Those type of men are normally the quiet ones, but they will respect you a while lot more.

    It also has a lot to do with you. Now I don't know you and I'm am NOT saying you are like this, but I've seen other women like this, while asking the same question. It comes down to how you flirt as well. If you are a big flirt and always leave them wanting more, they are typically gunna be begging for sex. Flirt a little, but convercate about life and interests. Another big thing is if you sleep on the first date. Many guys can't stand women who will sleep around on the first date. We may sometimes take them up on the offer, but we won't take it any further into a relationship. Its like the saying goes. If you can't respect yourself...

    Now I'm not saying this is like you or the guys you've tried to date. Just some suggestions of what could be.

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  • It's hard for all of us to find someone we truly connect with, you're not alone first of all.

    But also, don't make the mistake of "assuming" a guy just wants sex. Because we ALL do. Doesn't necessarily mean that's ALL we want though, even if it seems like it. So always ask him what he wants and tell him what you want.

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  • If you portray yourself as a one dimensional sexual object, you will be perceived as such. Also, if you shoot down the guys that would make good providers, husbands, fathers, etc you will never find a man who doesn't just want to sleep with you.

    Portray yourself as a well rounded, educated individual with real hobbies and interests and you may find what your looking for.

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  • Wow on behalf of all the men who actually make the effort to be called a gentleman I apologize not all of us men are like that but the majority of us are she keep looking cuz you'll find them in the least obvious place he's the guy sitting quietly eating his lunch reading a book drifting off into space not even paying attention to you that's the guy you want to look for

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  • It will happen. I have to say I agree with you. Sex is only good when you know someone actually loves you and wants to be with you because of who you are as a person. Wanting only sex from someone is objectifying them and its dehumanizing.

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  • Well this is a conflicting statement for me.

    To me, when i love a girl, mentally i want to show it partially through sex and have love shown through sex. When not in a relationship, sex isn't even a top 10 priority for me. Its completely a thing attatched to being inlove.
    In saying this, i dont think sex 4x a week to daily is unreasonable in a long term relationship.
    So when you say they only want sex, are they inlove with you and in a serious relationship or are you just seeing each other and seeing where it goes?
    Do they do other things like spend time at your sporting events, attend your work dinners, do the things you want to do?

    I had a great life and took interest in all parts of my exs life including her family and she withheld from me and it destroyed me mentally and then the relationship.

    Part of me is thinking some of these guys could have been inlove with you but because you have been hurt in the past, you associate it with them only wanting sex.
    So, if they take interest in your life and family and want to spend time with you, I highly doubt they are 'only in it for sex' and i feel if this is the circumstance, you need to fix your baggage.
    If you withhold from guys who do take an interest because of this you'll just push them away because they'll feel you dont feel the same about them. It'll build major resentment on their part.

    If none of this are the guys you find, it could be the guys you go for sadly.

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  • Trust, I feel the same way. I assume you're not in my situation - decided I'm probably asexual and in fact /don't/ want sex - but the partner that just recently left me was a nympho so I do get the feeling.

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  • Sorry you're having trouble finding a soulmate. Unfortunately, many guys see sex as an initial step in a relationship rather than something to build up toward. Other guys aren't interested in a relationship at all. There are guys out there who aren't focused entirely on sex. Good luck finding Mr. Right.

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  • Sorry to be blunt but a "problem" like that is directly correlating with your actions if you really want to have a serious relationship stop sexualising yourself (no need to try and deny it believe me when I say that I know a lot about this topic) and start acting unsocial and awkward.

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  • Sorry, but it's your own fault. Become less attractive and you'll meet men less interested in looks. Use a fake less attractive picture and "catfish" a quality guy interested in your personality. Just pray he doesn't dump you when he discovers you're attractive.

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  • Just go to the lower 90%of dating material. Wich aren't douches. So that is lower your standards and do go to the guys who meet your old standards. It could also be that it is something you do. Guys can have sex with anyone. With people they like or hate. But the difference is that when they like you they will stay, at least for the non douches. So it could be that nobody just likes you, then they will use you for sex.

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  • When you start choosing guys that actually see you as a good catch

    Half the battle for dating is actually being able to choose the right guys. If you keep choosing someone on a higher league than you. Its goijg to end up in him just wanting sex than dating another girl he sees as a better fit

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  • You sound like those women who get mad at me just because I'm horny. Yeah, I wanna fuck on the first date if possible, but I also wanna cuddle, get to know them, enjoy hobbies with them, talk about life, etc etc.

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  • Trust and believe there are still some good guys in the world that would love to have a woman and be with her and not just for sex with the companionship and all other good things that's just like to cuddle and sit and watch movies take walks and you know some guys into a feminine side but also a strong man

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  • From a purely biological perspective. Probably never. Now, the real question should be when will you meet someone whom you can appreciate and love enough that you would also be interested in having sex with?

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  • Everybody wants sex, the question is, for what reason do they want to have sex with you?

    There are good reason to wamt to habe sex with you, like making you feel good, or for the ultimate way to get very close to you... I mean... VERY close.

    But when somebody wants to have sex with you for another notch on their pistol... Or because they are horny... And drunk... Ehhhhhh... Wrong reasons

    I definitely wouldn't want to be a female lol

    Dont blame yourself... We're guys chasing pretty woman 😋

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  • Probably never. in my opinion if you remove sex from the equation entirely i. e. no more sex period. Men wouldn't date in my opinion. No reason to. We date to get sex, women withhold sex to get dates. You should find a medium that you're comfortable with and work from there.

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  • I dont know your case, but most of times, its a situation of aiming, it means, you need to reorganize your values so you can feel atracted by men who have other values different to which you feel atracted now.
    Love isn't enough of Aaron T Beck explain it very well

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  • It will happen. Because of your beauty, you're gonna have to deal with a lot of guys who only want sex. But at some point, you'll meet someone who will want to get to know you as a complete person. Just hold out.

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  • I don't want sex, I give it. I only go short term; they come/cum and they go. I do regret some that have made attachments. One became very upset and left when she found out I was fixed but I figured she already knew about me. I think given the culture, LTRs are dead.

    Do like an ex of mine did, she got knocked up by a rock band singer that dumped her and then she settled for a "nice guy" that always kissed her ass to raise the kid. After you get older you will finally settle for a guy standing right in front of you. By then the tree swinging days will be over.

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What Girls Said 27

  • OK SO BESIDES the fact you're attractive, perhaps you need to become friends first? Like make sure you have a good steady friendship and you know the person before.

    Don't rush into dates and shit, good relationships take time. Communication and trust. Make sure you have that in your partners.

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  • Usually we stop attracting certain people when we grow (characteristically) where we need to. Everybody meets their other half at the time they are suppose to. Sometimes it might take five years for someone to meet their other half, while for others it might take a year. Everybody is on their own journey.

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  • Nowadays girls give it up so fast. Have u heard of that saying: Why buy the cow when you can get milk for free? Be a challenge, men like that. So next time u meet a guy don’t give it up. Ask him what he’s looking for. Like that you won’t waste your time.

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  • they are all around you but you friendzone them and they friendzone themselves. its a combination of both.

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    • what turns us on/attracts us, and what our brain says it wants are two different things. men do that too. they jerk off to pornstars who do gangbangs, but most wouldn't marry one. there are jerkoff material, fuckbuddy material, and marriage material people.

  • I always lay that down if I don't want sex I tell the person and never change your mind don't let them persude you if you don't want it then don't do it

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  • Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck.
    Try "Christian Mingle" for Single who may Love God like you. xxoo

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  • Guys will always want sex. They're hard wired that way. We all are animals after all. Just get over it.

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    • Guys will always want sex. But not all guys want only sex. A lot of us are looking for sex AND love. And a lot of times it depends on the woman.

  • When you stop presenting yourself like that's all you have to offer.

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  • You're blonde. And very beautiful. You're pretty much every guys number 1 sexual desire. I feel sad for you too. Sometimes I think it will change the older I get but it doesn't. Guys are waiting until they are older and older to settle down and focus on one woman who meet their desires outside of just sex.
    Mostly guys outside of my race like me, so I deal with this a lot too since I'm at the top of many sexual fetish lists. I am mostly interested in deeper relationships now. So I'm avoiding sex. Even if I am very sexually attracted to a guy, my new rule is that I will not have sex until I'm in a relationship and I tell a guys that I go out with now. If sex comes up or if we might be making out, I have the talk. I know some guys will be immature and wait it out/stick around until they get all the sex they want from you, but the chances are at least slimmer that he'll got through all of that just for sex. Good luck.

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  • When you make it adamant that sex is off the table. It helps.

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  • It’s so hard to find I can’t wait till I find someone who actually wants me flaws and all

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  • I agree with you, that's hard to find someone who doesn't want just having sex with you

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  • I was in the same situation and I just recently met an amazing guy who actually took time to get to know me and spend quality time with me. And honestly the way I found him was by being picky with the guys I was seeing. As soon as I found something I didn’t like about them, I stopped talking to them. This man proved himself to me from the very beginning. He was a gentlemen and was interested in the real me and not just my body. Good men are out there. Don’t settle for anything less than what you want

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  • Give it time, he will come

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  • I feel the same way..

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  • Have you considered putting a bag over your head?

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    • Unfortunately, because you are very pretty, you have this problem... Try dressing down and meeting a nice guy.

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    • They just won't believe you. That's all I meant. Owh I just think it would be hilarious to see them with bags on their head :p.

    • Aaaah hahaha. Ikr 😂

  • Story of my life.

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    • You know how many man are lonely? And just being ignored completely? And would love to get a little bit of love. How come you cannot find any non sex driven man?

  • Someday

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  • Every man I have ever met just wants sex.

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  • You can’t. All men like sex

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    • Yes, A 15 year old knows what ''all men want''... Fml..

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