Why is this happening?

I have talked to so many different guys, all different ethnicities, religions etc and they all seem to be the same exact person... its almost like a curse i guess. It’s like I’m talking to the same person just with a different face, body etc. and what not and I’m tired of it. Every guy i talk to, always seems to have one motive... and that is to try and get in my pants... which never is the case. I’m a very blunt person, i tell people from the start, that I’m not going to sleep with them and they’ll pretend its cool but in reality its not... they have this whole fucked up thing in their head that they’ll be able to maybe convince me otherwise and once they find out I’m serious about not sleeping with them, they leave because they don’t wanna wait for the right time and earn it. It’s like people in this day in age don’t believe in love anymore when they can just go the simpler route of just getting a friends with benefits. and the truth is in todays time, as sex became easier to get, love became harder to find... and I’m not easy and i believe sex has to be earned through time and love not just becasue were horny or in the mood. Which i always look past , no matter how I’m feeling in the moment. the guys i talk to are either no good, can't or don’t wanna commit , talking to multiple girls at one time and think when things don’t work out with one they can bounce around to the other, lie and just want a quick hit... and it leaves me wondering... what the actual fuck am i doing wrong? why do i keep getting the same guys thats no good, don’t have anymore life goals besides getting laid by as many girls as he can... why are guys getting the illusion that i might be easy when i never lead them to anything that would have gave them that impression to begin with? how do i find a good guy that wants a relationship and okay with earning sex? What am i doing wrong with looking for in guys and how do i stop?
@hellionthesagereborn it won't allow me to direct message u


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have tried talking to different guys? Because I don't do that (sex matters, period. In fact I find it rather disturbing that their are so many women out their who would let a guy inside of them that under any other cirucumstances wouldn't even let in their own home. In fact even the guys doing this is disgusting to me because they are selling themselves for sex, they are willing to let women do nothing but exist and are willing to pay them, date them, do things for them and the only thing they get back is sex. . . some times. . . if she feels like it. In both scenarios they are under selling themselves, its messed up.). Which of course means nothing that I don't do that, but also my friends don't do that. I don't know what groups you are talking to (honestly in my experience, this behavior is most common in black culture (not all obviously but I have found this behavior is most common with them (and its lauded in their music for some reason))), but I have to wonder what was their culture, because certain cultures produce certain values. I would also ask where are you meeting them? Guys who aggressively approach you are also more then likely after sex as they don't really care if you shoot them down as much as a guy who is genuinely interested because all they are after is sex. So that could be the issue, or where your meeting them (generally guys who want a relationship are not going to be doing the same things that guys who want causal sex are doing. The relationship guys are going to probably be more focused on career, of establishing themselves while the guys who want casual sex are more then likely the type to live in the moment, party etc.)? Don't get me wrong culturally we have gotten really terrible about casual sex, its devalued it and has managed to ruin real connections but to constantly run into those types seems a bit more then coincidence.

    • 5d

      I talked to them all a whole lot of white boys, some black boys , Spanish boys , Asian boys u name it there alll the same... as for just singling out one culture to do it more than the other? It’s been a tie between them all so i can't agree with u saying its mostly black culture... and where i meet them would be in person from college, work u name it, and sometimes through local apps like tinder etc. and more than a coincidence? i make it known I’m not looking for sex or want it and therefore I don’t give it and I’m not ever persuaded otherwise. If I’m not serious with them its not happening. I don’t have any bare photos revealing any body parts and I don’t lead them into acting like i want sex... I’m very ladylike with my texting and keep my flirting leveld nothing that should lead or make people think I’d let them smash... and also for those that i did meet on apps some would even have searching for relationship but its hardly ever the case now of days... in person or not.

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    • 3d

      Thanks for the MHO. Hope it helps. As for the message, I'll send you one.

    • 3d

      no problem 😌 and ill be waiting 😋

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What Guys Said 1

  • What are you doing wrong?

    How about treating guys like dogs and sex as a reward for going through your subjective hoops and playing along with your games?

    You said it yourself that you tell these guys you don't want to have sex with them, but then turn it around almost two sentences later saying they have to earn sex from you... So you will have sex with them under conditions you set on them.

    So which is it? You can't say one thing and then say something completely opposite of that, and then act like it's the guy's fault for getting confused.

    Exactly when is the right time for you?

    What exactly do they have to do to check all the boxes on your list to determine that they "Earned" the chance of having sex with you?

    And exactly what makes you somehow more special than anyone else out there? What, you're somehow better than everybody else because you hold out from having sex?

    If that's your thing then so be it. It's your life and your choice to make, but it doesn't make you special.

    I'm not attacking you in the slightest, but after going through a bunch of crap in my 20s and dealing with all the dating drama and BS that comes with it, I don't mince words anymore.

    Sex isn't some magical be all, end all for love. Additionally, there are more to us guys than just wanting to get laid all the damn time and if you think that's all these guys (or any guy) wanted and that's all they were offering, then maybe the problem isn't them.

    Look, I personally didn't go around sleeping with everything that walked the planet and had a vagina. I've had a total of three sexual partners before I got married at 29. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is still an important factor to consider in a relationship.

    What happens when you get married or decide to otherwise life the rest of your life with someone... Then finally decide to have sex. Then you find out that you or they are absolutely terrible at sex, or that your partner refuses to improve in their sexual abilities to better please you? What happens when you finally figure out that they have some pretty disturbing kinks and fetishes that freak you out? What if you're the one with the freaky fetishes?

    Basically what do you do if and when you discover that your partner, after how many years, is completely sexually incompatible with you, or you are incompatible to them?

    Hell, there's a lot more to sex and pleasuring your partner than "Penis goes in Vagina"

    Do you spend the rest of your life with this person being completely sexually unsatisfied?

    Do you expect your partner to spend 3-4 years of their life being deprived of sex and intimacy, where you finally decide they "Earned" sex with you, then realise that sex completely sucks Donkey balls with you... And they're still expected to put up with that for the rest of their life?

    Sex now a days is no more easier or harder to get than it was back when the pill was first invented and women had more control over their sexual health. With condoms and BC, the availability and ease of having sex hasn't really changed in decades.

    What has changed is humanity's mentality towards sex, where religion and archaic laws from yester year no longer rule our lives. Sex was always treated as something special and something to save until you were married. That was all done to reduce teen pregnancy and so their parents didn't end up having to still raise their own damn kid And their kid's kid.

    Sex can still be attributed to love and sex can still be romantic... But putting it up on some pedestal and dangling it over guys for them to "Earn it" like a good little doggy is a sure fire way to make those guys walk away and stop wasting their time.

    You might be a great all-round good person with a lot to offer... But so are millions of other guy's and girls out there who don't hold sex hostage to gain control over a relationship.

    • 5d

      Just to jump back from the direction I was heading with the above, there are still many guys out there who think just as you do and are compatible with your train of thought.

      But the reality is that there are fewer of those guys out there than there used to be.

      Those kind of guys you will not find at the bars and clubs, because those kind of guys at the bars are only there for one thing.

      The type of guys you're after who think like you do are best to find on a dating app or Web site where they specifically state they're after what you're after. Filter through what you don't want and seek out the ones you want... Don't let them seek you out, otherwise you're going to keep ending up with the guys you described.

      They are out there, you just have to look for them differently.

      May I ask how you generally meet guys?

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    • 5d

      I didn't say i didn't believe in sex before marriage at all nor did i say he would wait a year or near it... until a man earns it by showing me he’s serious about me , wants a relationship and i click with him thats when not before or after... and judging people? i did no such thing... i dont judge anyone if people want to have sex so be it thats just not me or going to be me... so i dont see where u thought i felt i was better than anyone

    • 5d

      I’m not gonna have sex with someone i dont know that A. Could have a std or B. Get me pregnant and were not even serious... and leave me with a baby... C. Been with lots of girls and for that fac currently might be with one and i think not... I’m not saying it couldn’t happen even if were were serious but i know the likelihood of that happening if were not serious is significantly higher

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