Can somebody explain why I do this?

Every time I think about messaging the guy from work who either liked me or pretended to like me cause he was hoping for sex - I get the urge to talk about and play Pokémon or to discuss my lobster tail dinner

its like I don’t feel comfortable messaging him unless I’m busy doing something and can prove I have a satisfying and happy life without him

basically about 80% of the times I messaged him I was eating lobster or steak that day

i never get the urge to message him when I’m eating rice or egg
Can somebody explain why I do this?
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