Why am I sad a lot?

I feel like for about the past year or so I am sad a lot and I just want to be alone and cry I feel like I have a pretty shitty life but definitely not a bad as others. People around me are dying and that is not helping me I am currently working a lot and it’s stressing me out. I also can’t get much sleep and that is not helping. I just put on happy face everyday and try to act like everything is ok but deep inside I am hurting. Im single and never been in a relationship before but I want to. I also really like this girl and I think about her all the time because I don’t see her around anymore I want to talk but I don’t think she wants to anymore I don’t know. I don’t tell my friends or family about any of this because I don’t trust them enough to do so. I’ve also thought about killing myself but I can’t put my family and friends through that and I would only be hurting them. I also masterbate and watch porn to relieve some of the hurt I’m feeling but I don’t want to keep going like that. The other night I really hurt because my a guy who was in my college classes was in an ATV accident and will likely be a vegetable the rest of his life because of his brain injuries. I’m not looking for sympathy I just want to know how to feel better because I can’t keep living like this. I’m posting this anonymously because I don’t want people to know who I am.
Why am I sad a lot?
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