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I slept with my brothers friend over a year ago and I feel awful?

personontheinternet2
Hi

So over a year ago my brothers friend and me hooked up. We’ve known eachother for over ten years all three of us. And he was always my brothers friend that I had a crush on. As we’ve got older his friend has always been kind and protective over me. And one night we all went out my brother went home and his friend crashed at mine and we were insanely drunk and ended up hooking up. We had breakfast in the morning and then he left and at the time I guess I never thought much about it.

But I still feel so guilty. Like I’ve betrayed my brother in some way. I think part of it is because we wouldn’t have slept together if we were sober and -I hate hate hate this excuse/saying- but I was in a very bad place at the time. I had been raped the year before and never addressed it and then entered into a very abusive relationship with someone a lot older than me who I had escaped from a few months before I slept with my brothers friend. I haven’t told any friends or family about it but I am getting counselling now for those issues and lockdown has given me time to stop acting out and take care of myself. But I feel like I’m living every day with reckless decisions I made during that year period and this eats me up because I feel like such a b**** . Like every time I see my brother I’m lying to him or something. I wouldn’t/couldn’t ever tell him but I worry his friend might even tho he has a girlfriend now and the logical part of me says he knows my brother would kill him and it would ruin their friendship so wouldn’t tell him. But my anxiety runs away with itself and tells me I’m a terrible person for sleeping with him and an even worse sister. Any thoughts would be really great. Thank you x
I slept with my brothers friend over a year ago and I feel awful?
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