Women who sleep with married men?

"You can't steal a man who doesn't want to be stolen"--it's likely that the relationship was already weak and the married man and his wife were bound to divorce at some point over something, one way or another.

And the other woman owes the wife nothing. She owes the marriage nothing. He made the commitment to his wife therefore he should honor those vows and promises to remain loyal, correct?

Even then, marriage vows mention nothing about remaining faithful or about cheating.

And the women sleeping with the married men do not always want marriage for themselves.

Do you think this is correct?

*By the way, I'm not sleeping with a married man or advocating it. I'm just addressing another side of the story


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd blame the guy in the marriage more than I'd blame the single woman, the guy has made the commitment and has still decided to cheat... The single woman has made no such commitment, I mean I can understand someone single being happy to go with anyone they're attracted to. It's different when you say you're committed and you just aren't. Of course it's not like both parties are innocent, but whatever.


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What Guys Said 8

  • You can't make blanket statements about something like this, because it really depends on the person and the situation.

    There are men who are selfish and self-centered, who will cheat if they think they can get away with it, and don't really think about their spouse or what it will do to them. These guys often intentionally seek out mistresses.

    There are also men who intend to be faithful, but might be going through a rough patch in an otherwise good marriage, and then the offer of sex from a hot woman, coupled with their mild depression from their existing relationship issues, might get the better of them in that moment of weakness. They often regret it, and many even eventually admit their affair to their wives, because the guilt eats them up.

    There are also men who would simply never cheat, period.

    While I agree that the "other woman" is not the person who made the commitment to the marriage, it's still morally reprehensible to sleep with a married man. I don't fault her if she was not aware that he was married (this usually means he was lying about it, and taking steps to conceal the marriage from her), but if she KNOWS, and does it anyway, that's wrong.

    Everything I wrote above would also apply if the genders were reversed, BTW.

    • If the guy gives in while going through a rough patch, then his connection to his wife wasn't strong enough to begin with and their relationship was never as strong as they thought...

      And I'm not making blanket statements about much. I'm not judging men for cheating. As I've stated before, I don't believe men are cut out for marriage or monogamy--or that women should not expect monogamy

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    • I'll also say this: the more options a guy has, the less likely he'll stay faithful. There's a reason why musicians, top athletes, lawmakers, actors, and just plain rich guys cheat so often: because they have so much opportunity that their will to remain faithful (assuming they had any to begin with) gets depleted, and never gets a chance to recharge.

      I've always said that a woman who marries a rich, handsome celeb should ASSUME he will cheat, because he has too many options not to.

    • Relationships will never be as strong as women think because men cannot remain monogamous. It's not in their biology. That's why I've said women should definitely give their husbands 'passes' to be with other women

  • i do not agree.

    all your "adages" place eschew all responsibility for a person behaving with any moral compass.

    essentially it's like me saying. stealing isn't bad, it's the onus of the holder to protect their belongings. if I can steal from them there is nothing wrong with me.

    a person, you're right doesn't, necessarily owe anyone anything. but if the believe at all in virtue, morals, values, etc and aren't completely anti-social then they should believe that they do have some responsibility to behave a certain way in society

    • Except, he's not necessarily being stolen. He's consenting to it. So no, it's not the same.

    • there is a thief and a victim. regardless if a person consents the thief has still violated someone. I'm not saying there is no responsibility on the man or woman who agrees engages in an extramarital affair, there is, but the person who is violating the innoncent party can still behave morally.

      if a person believes in acting morally in the shouldn't eschew blame. they have the chance to do right.

      both people in an affair deserve blame for knowingly doing the wrong thing

    • there is simply no excuse (man consents, if they were happy..., the wife should...) for immoral behavior

  • You are 100% wrong.

    The other woman owes the wife respect and the marriage respect.

    If he is married he did not make a commitment to his wife, he made it to God to forsake all others.

    Sleeping with a married person is called adultery and in some countries is punishable by death in the USA only the military punish under violation of Article 34, I believe and foreigners entering the USA must comply with Moral Turpitude.

    Just because you have no respect for yourself and others, does mean it is not a punishable offence. You think like a poor person where there are no rules.

  • I don't 100% agree with the line 'you can't steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen'. People are impacted by those around them.

    My views on this:

    - Marriage is not just a ceremony between a man and woman (or here in Canuckistan, between two adults ...for now ...) It requires witnesses etc. because it is a public declaration. So to some extent there is a public request to support the marriage. So there is some obligation being put on others to respect it.

    - How far does that go? I think actively pursuing or trying to talk a married person into cheating is wrong. You can let them know you're interested. But if you're telling them its okay, trying to work them up to it, trying to manipulate them and get between them and their partner, you're not respecting the request they made publicly to help support their marriage.

    - If they actively want to cheat with you, subject to the above, I think that's on them primarily.

    - Its up to you to decide if you are comfortable with doing this secretly.

    • And if the person gives in, they're not respecting that 'request' either. And if the other woman wasn't invited to the wedding then she was not a witness and therefore is an outsider.

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    • That's just called being psycho...

    • Okay, perhaps I'm using an example too far. But what I'm getting at is, if someone married wants to cheat with you, well, that's on them. If you are actively persuading someone married to cheat and trying to talk them into overcoming their reluctance, you are starting to take on some responsibility. And that's not necessarily psycho. If someone is single, interested in you, but doing the 'i don't know I shouldn't' thing, you can absolutely keep talking them into it.

  • 1. No, usually this isn't the case. People generally cheat when things are indeed in rough patches but that doesn't mean that it was eventual nor does it mean that the relationship was weak. Generally it's more of a moment of weakness unless it's prolonged and then it's escapism which is a totally different animal.

    2. Actually all traditional marriage vows explicitly speak of faithfulness. Most of them even use the word "faithful" in some form or fashion. That entire concept fell away on it's own.

    • Well, then perhaps falling for temptation is a sign that the relationship was never as strong as they thought it was, to begin with.

      A moment of weakness is obviously worth a supposed lifelong commitment to a person. So it can't be too strong.

  • No one owes anybody anything, I suppose. But where does this stop? If I see a guy make a mistake at work, do I stop him so he doesn't get in trouble or lose his job? Why, I don't owe him anything.

    I make a lot of money ( which is true ), but why should I help other people? I don't owe them anything. After all, I may be helping the same people who would screw me over. Actually, I do believe this and as I've grown older, I've eliminated all the donations I made to charities and stopped helping other people. Other people are just out for themselves, so why shouldn't I be? People are going to try and screw me over, so why should I give them the ammunition?

  • There's plenty of single guys out here for women, they're just too shallow to give them a chance.

    • wtf? How do you think those guys became MARRIED

      girls just won't give you a chance

    • They don't give me a chance, they give me head.

  • Any women who sleeps with a married man doesn't believe in principles.

    • She may have principles, just not principles that a majority of the population likes to pretend they have

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    • Not everyone wants a relationship...

    • True, but regardless of wanting a relationship or just being intimate at the moment, those details of being an accessory to cheating wouldn't matter for the sake of this question

What Girls Said 5

  • The guy is definitely at fault too but I don't think the girl is completely innocent either.

    No one wants to be cheated on so why do it to someone else. Marriage is sacred so why ruin one.

    • If marriage is so sacred, why would the man ruin his marriage? She's not ruining a marriage--he is

    • I think that if she knows that the guy is married yet chooses to still have sex with him then she helped ruin it. Of course the guy ruined it too but she had a choice to make the right decision or the wrong decision and she chose the wrong one. If you don't want it done to you don't do it to someone else.

  • I agree with the statement that you cannot steal a man who doesn't want to be stolen. But, I also believe it's trashy and messy to get involved with a married man. I don't think I'll ever do that.

    • Everyone is arguing that people men give into temptation during rough patches of their marriages, and that it doesn't necessarily mean that the marriage as a whole is a lost cause. I have to agree. You keep arguing that they wouldn't be giving into the temptation, if their "connection" to their wives was strong. That's not true. No one is perfect, and it's not that black and white. Sorry. Have to disagree with you.

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    • It's not the other woman's fault that they're having marital problems, but that doesn't make it any less trashy to knowingly sleep with a married man.

    • I'm talking about blame here. trashy, is another topic ha

  • Well, if the married man didn't tell the woman he was seeing that he was already married then you're right the relationship was a fail.

  • i've been with 3 married guys. if they don't do it with me, then they'll do it with someone else, so why not?

  • Even if the marriage foundation is not as strong as before, as long as the person is married, hands off. regardless of how charming he can be , one shouldn't come in between. it is selfish for one to hurt another marriage.