I don't feel ANYTHING anymore?

When I was really little I witnessed domestic violence, daily, all the time, 24/7. Non-stop. I think this contributed to my feelings right now, or rather lack of feelings. I'm only 14 years old right now by the way. Going to school is exhausting because I feel like I have to put on a show all the time. I try way too hard to be someone I'm not and it rubs people the wrong way and they tend to get annoyed with me very quickly. I tend to develop crushes easily, I think that's because having a crush is the only way I can feel something, anything. I don't feel excitement or happiness. I can express it, but I don't actually feel it. I can slightly feel the beginnings of it but it goes away rather quickly. I know your going to say, "oh well, just be yourself. Don't care about what others think about you." But how am I supposed to be me when I don't even know who I am? I don't know what to do! I hate feeling like there is an empty hole in my heart and I can never fill it. My mom is so generous and kind and I have nice siblings and I feel bad for even complaining about this but I just need some help. I also have a bad habit of trying to get attention all the time. Can someone please help me?
I don't feel ANYTHING anymore?
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