I'm just a "school friend". What did I do wrong?

They say I'm just a school friend. The bell rings and the actors line up placing their masks and costumes on. But i arrive bare, vulnerable stripped of everything. For this performance, i shall be myself. I go through the halls saying good morning to all who i pass. No one replies... maybe they didn't hear? Tomorrow ill speak up! I continue on with a smile on to each class. they laugh at my jokes, compliment my art, pick me to be their partner. Oh the fun! They sit with me at lunch but stand to leave to sit with more popular kids. Its ok. i understand. i eat lunch in silence with my thoughts. Onward !! I preserve scrambling to class, sitting with blank faces, amazed by the complexity of Shakespeare and the beauty of war and peace. Politics leaking in to my mind. I gasp and yet they dont understand. why should they care? They dont. I help them. Let them copy your test because they are your friends. yes of course... and then the bell rings. That goddamned bell. the actors remove their masks, their smiles vanishing, crumbling into dust. They shed their skin and step off stage. they no longer recognize me. I'm nothing. a street puddle, a breeze, a cloud. im there, yet I'm invisible, unimportant, worthless. But why? What did i do? I just want to have a genuine friend! I want to love and be loved. i want them to call me at 2 am crying their hearts out to me because they TRUST me! because they can count on ME! But im just a school friend. Tossed aside like a used rag and the most part... i WANT oh so desperately to bring someone true happiness! I want to touch someones heart and bring them joy. i want to CHANGE something from the way it was before! When i die i want to be able to say i had a true friend by my side! Dont they know id give my heart and tears for them? Why is my kindness seen as unnatural? why is it that no matter how kind i am, i am "just a school friend"? I can't force someone to be my friend but the fact that I'm stuck as a "school friend" hurts.
I'm just a "school friend". What did I do wrong?
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