Prison vs Real Life?

I have a friend that has a 3 year old son and a baby on the way (due later in 2010). Her husband, which is also my brother, has been in and out of prison for his entire life (he is almost 30 now). The other day he made this comment "It would be easier to go back to prison then deal with the stress out here". They both met about 5 years ago in the "drug crowd", both were into meth, cocaine and everything else. They had a baby, and he went to prison a few months after their baby was born. He just got out in July of 2009 and then she got preggo again. I want to tell him so bad that he is a coward and needs to man up but every time someone says he needs to start flying right, he gets p*ssed and hits something or argues until someone caves and agrees with him that drugs, and the "easy life of prison" is better. I feel bad for his wife because she has quit the drugs and drinking and is trying to be the best mom that she can. I know he is my brother but I don't agree with anything that he is doing or says. I feel that he wants to mess up and go back to prison until their next kid is 2 or 3 or so.

Has anyone been in this situation that his wife or myself, my family has been in? Is/was there anything that can be said or done to him that will make him WAKE UP? I tell his wife to leave him all the time because he treats her like crap. Says she's fat and needs to lose weight, tells her that she's lazy. Which, okay yeah when he was locked up this last time, she finished up school but never uses her degree. She also stayed with her parents because taking care of a kid on her own and trying to get up and started was difficult for her. So, in a sense she may be lazy, but she has been taking care of their kid.

Oh, and every time he gets locked up he will get in debt with people in prison and then expect people to put money on his books to help bail him out, which is usually our parents. So, of course prison is easier for him. He gets in debt, oh there's mommy and daddy to bail him out. How can I convince them that they are enabling him a "better life" in prison if they are always there to HELP HIM?!?!?!?

Thanks for letting vent. Hope someone can help, please


Most Helpful Girl

  • He is caught in a vicious cycle and I don't think he really wants to change. With this in mind, no matter what anyone says to him, he won't listen or internalize it. He needs to identify these realities for himself so he can change his mindset, thinking and behavior. He is in this cycle of going to prison and only being accountable for the misdeeds he committed in society. It's easier to be in a cell then be a man, a father, husband, role model, productive member of society and live your own life. Incarceration has become his way of life. Maybe he doesn't believe that he can change or have a normal life outside of prison? Perhaps he has resigned himself to the fact that he will be in and out of prison for the rest of his life. If he really learned his lessons from previous mistakes, he'd put his best foot forward when he got out to redefine himself as a man.

    I know it's frustrating and you want to shake some sense into him. But, the real power lays with him, IF he wants and will accept change in his life.

    Best of luck.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Babe, I don't have an answer for you but I do have a suggestion that might pan out. You should go see a counselor. And the best place to begin looking for one is the dowtown police station or the closest big city's police station. There they have counselors who can probably have ex-cons who know how to talk or approach your brother on his lifestyle and prison. But I would not let the counselors talk to him. Your bro is a "repeat offender." It's going to take someone who's been in his shoes (who's been to prison) to even come close to talking some sense into him.

    And that's all I got. I hope it was helpful. And if the counselors can't find an ex-con, get on the internet. There has to be a support group for ex-cons somewhere. Good Luck & God's Fortune to you.

  • Maybe I'm just saying this because I'm a 180lb nerdy white guy, but I think that prison would be way harder than life on the outside. Even if all of the other prisoners thought I was awesome and didn't f*** with me I'd still go insane having to live in a concrete tomb of a room with some fat CO bossing me around like I'm his personal whore ... I'd rather be homeless and free than live like that.


What Girls Said 1

  • she needs to stop being a dumbass get her self esteem up and leave him. she is messing with a low life ex con who is in and out of jail. he is probably a faggot too, what kind of men would rather be confined with a bunch of men than be with his wife and family? btw prison rapes go on a lot but there is a code that people don't talk about it. I think this guy probably gets busted wide open in jail if he isn't the one giving it to other guys

    watch this video:

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