Is anybody else getting sick of the alpha vs. beta male argument?

I saw an interesting video on how the whole alpha vs. beta male aggression dynamic started with researching wolf packs. The researcher later CHANGED his stance on this social/mating dynamic but nobody listened to him. College humor did a real good video this

As for me personally I've slept with over 40 women, but have only been in two long term relationships. I'm a "nice" guy and it's something I was born with. I have been taught to hate that characteristic about myself over the years because it's so called "beta" behavior. It's also supposed be the number one sole reason why I don't do well in long term relationships. For long time I hated myself for just wanting everybody to get along.

But I'm beginning to think that false. I have had plenty of women who have been attracted to me, slept with me and even fallen in love with me. I believe my PARANOIA of being abused for being a "nice" guy is what is really turning them off, not being a "nice" guy myself.

Of course a man should be strong and confident. We ALL know that. But not every confident man is a social all star. Some of them are really good at certain hobbies or careers. They have devotions to other things besides immediately punching out a guy who stares at their girlfriend for an extra second.

I think the alpha vs. beta argument is going to far and causing more shame and confusion nowadays. Just my thoughts.
  • It's all bullshit
    Vote A
  • There's some truth to it, but it's going overboard. Confusing both men and women
    Vote B
  • The concept is completely true
    Vote C
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I guess the whole thing that set me off about this (for better or worse) is when I hung out with an old galpal a few months ago who just got a divorce (she initiated). There were together for 7 years.

I've known this girl for 12 years and I always saw her as open-minded, more logical than most girls and not one who was impressionable by society standards.

Anyway, she told me that her ex-husband (who never cheated or was abusive) was a good man but NOT an alpha.
I told her to never EVER tell him that. The guy is in his 40s and it's not like he is going to change his personality overnight. Also, it really depressed me thinking that some other girls (including exes) have likely said the same about me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Amen, dude. Its ridiculous that we try and model our gender roles on the dynamics of a wolf pack. And in today's society, where women are independent, the "alpha male" personality is tiresome.

    • I wouldn't say women are completely independent. They still want to date a strong male.

      But what IS strong? Some broke ass, yet smart ass who make girls laugh at bar? Or the quiet, maybe shy guy who is devoted to his career and making good money and completely independent? Seriously what is a TRUE alpha? For me it's a guy who supports himself, follows his dreams and takes a stand when people cross the line when they disrespect him.

    • I think strength is the same for men and women - its about strength of character. It has nothing to do with dominance or superiority.

    • From a societal dynamic a dominant man with a submissive woman is much more socially acceptable than vice versa. I also think their are hard coded biology traits that influence that.

      What that said what is considered "dominant alpha" is just too fucking subjective. Maybe the wife is more outspoken, go getter, etc. but the husband is actually the real bread winner supporting the family (or vice versa). But people looking from the outside label them both accordingly.

      I make a good money, I'm in a good shape and I own a house. But I'm not the witty guy who is the "life of the party". I just like to hang out but not drive everything. I'll ignore assholes unless me or my loved one is in immediate danger (I'm former pro fighter btw). But since I'm slow the anger I get labeled "beta" for that.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It is all bullshit! The guy that THINKS he is a macho alpha male is actually a gamma male, one below beta, as he needs this reassurance because of his inherent insecurity. he HAS to prove himself!

    This elevates the beta mate to the true alpha male, as he has no need to prove anything to anybody. He just gets on with life.

    • sounds like a buzzfeed feminist crap !!!
      Even tho the women would kill herself for Alpha.

    • Show All
    • @Charleslvajr Well I had angry issues too before my issues went down once I stop talking and putting up with people bs lol

    • @NatashaJ You and me both my dear.

  • Alpha male might not exist but alpha females do, we fix everything men ruin.

    • Said by crazy feminazi !

    • Show All
    • im an alpha male

    • So, you ruin everything men have created. Got it.

  • Men who constantly talk about how "Alpha" they are, are usually so transparently insecure it's hilarious. Humans have far too complex of a social structure to pin down to meaning less stereotypes.

  • It’s usually just alpha male wannabes putting down men who they think are weaker than them in some way. The men they call beta are usually more attractive to me anyway.

    • So that you can boss them? lol

    • I️ like men who are kind, caring, and receptive. They are easy to get along with and there’s much less conflict.

  • I literally don't pay any attention to anyone even mentioning those phrases...

  • pure media hype


What Guys Said 13

  • "Alpha" male is a concept invented and promoted by guys who need a boost for their ego and who, for whatever reason, think they are superior to most other guys. Men who are truly successful leaders do not go around calling other guys "beta." Does this all sound like junior high/middle school?

  • Sigh. Who even came up with this alpha male theory?
    Was it by any chance someone being elitist and trying to use it as yet another stick to beat others with?
    Don't buy into this shit. You're doing fine anyway by the sounds of it.

    • yeah but it bothered me for a very long time. Just the disrespect.

      But then when I look at the HARD facts (lost my virginity at 16, been in two 3somes, 40+ notches under my belt) I guess I'm doing fine with so called "alpha" goals even I'm not being called one.

      I mean I'm old enough to realize those figures are no longer bragging rights. But I always feel like I got to defend myself the moment somebody calls me a "nice guy". This whole beta vs. alpha male social issue it part of it.

      Just sick of it.

  • It is the plain and simple truth, females melt around alpha males.
    20% of guys get all the girls.
    An interesting parallel is only 20% of white guys dicks are over 6.5"...
    Hmmmm. 🤔

    • should I get a tattoo on my arm saying I'm a 7 incher white guy? (it's true lol)

    • There is a new dating website for girls looking for well endowed men, it is called 7orbetter. com
      Girls complain to me all the time they wish they knew the guys dick size to save time and embarassment dating. They would appreciate your tattoo... or a t-shirt.

    • Damn it's time sport the 7 UP Tee lol.

      Yeah it's nice being a big boy and all. But I've had some girls tell me it's painful.

  • The only people hung up/caught up in the alpha v. beta male argument are beta males and frustrated women lol. Yes, Alpha males exist but it's contextual to the environment. That's it.

    • well is being alpha vs. beta defined by how many chics you banged and/or how hot they are? Is it about how violent you can be? That's facetious but least be real... that's usually the stupid ass standard our society is applying to this whole standard. The alpha wolf gets all the wolf pussy and tears other "betas" to shreds.

      I'm a "nice guy" but I got plenty of notches under my belt. Part of me is actually ashamed of it. I also hated worrying about STDs/pregnancies.

      I'm getting older now and I'm starting to really question all this bullshit. I think it actually creating more "betas" out of guys getting paranoid if they are legitimate enough for women or not (which is its own a sign of low confidence).

  • 'Alpha -Beta' thing is BS. Why do you even care about meaningless concepts that dumb people made? you do not need to care about what society thinks of your way of life anyway.
    Just try and become a better person in your eyes and stand up for yourself.

  • MeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! puting people in a category box limits possibilities.

  • past tense

    The galling aspect is how many young boys buy into it. They seem to feel the need to beat their chest in a macho manner to prove they are an 'ALPHA'. And solidify this by banging on about how others are 'BETA'

    The rub in this is the need to play up to a pack mentality. Which automatically eliminates any semblance of being 'ALPHA'. Those who are truly ALPHA do not need to big note for they are sure about their identity. In fact, they avoid big noting. Under the auspices of being seen/felt and respected for this rather than desperately trying to be heard. This always defines insecurity for it is this old chestnut;

    ' If you keep saying something, eventually you might actually believe it...'

    The quintessential ALPHA icon is Mufasa from the Lion King. His character is its definition to a T

  • It's still an argument? I thought it was already widely regarded as another memeing of the alt-right.

  • Again, pople misuse scientific terms to look smart but all they do is make them and the terms look dumb.

  • Adam is a beta male bitch who thinks he knows shit cause he wears those glasses

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