Why Is Adoption A Taboo In Many 1st World Countries?

For a reason adoption is seen as both embarrassing and a taboo in many 1st world countries, while abortion is seen as an okay thing to do. Very few people talks about adoption and it's as much a taboo as foster care. In addition there's surprisingly many people who either don't know what adoption is or how it works. In sex educations many talks about where to go if you wants to get an abortion, but no one talks about where to go if you wants to adopt away. People are more likely to suggest their friends an abortion than adoption/foster care if the person has decided to not wanting to keep their children. Adopting people from the same country is also a more of a taboo than adopting children from other countries in my country. Adopting away children is more looked down upon than abortion and in some places it's unheard of. People don't say anything, but the social pressure is still there.

I'm not saying every 1st world countries are like that, but many are. Some countries and places in Scandinavia sees adoption as a taboo from what I've noticed. Norway for instance adoption is often forgotten and seen as a foreign awkward thing. People are fine with already adopted people and most people don't experience discrimination. But it's however seen as a bit weird that other people either adopts or adopts away. Way more people are open about their abortions than adoption. #Adoption #Abortion #ProLifeProChoice #ProLife

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  • I wouldn't say it's taboo in the US. However there is a certain amount of social pressure not to put a child up for adoption. It's somewhat subtle, but it's there.

    You are touching on two different topics, abortion and adoption. They are very different "solutions" to the same thing. They are different enough that they are treated differently.

    Obviously abortion is a hot topic. It is accepted by some, and rejected by others. Usually with quite strong opinions about it. It's done behind closed doors. Most friends, neighbors and family may not even know about it.

    With adoption, pretty much everyone will know about the pregnancy. Once that child is born people care more about what happens to it. Being raised by the biological parent is seen as ideal. With abortion, the fetus might not be seen as a child at all. But with adoption it most definitely is a child. It's a cute little baby that lives and breaths. It smiles. It looks around in fascination at the world. It eats, sleeps, burps and poops. Giving that child away is psychologically very different than adoption in so many ways.

    To give a child up for adoption is seen as a failure. It's seen as a solution to a mistake. And that view is right. It's a solution to a less than idea situation.

    Abortion is also solution to a less than ideal situation. Many would see it as significantly worse. But very likely nobody knows about it. It's not the cute little smiling baby that is given up. It's this "thing" that (if it happens to be known about) just disappears, and everyone pretends it didn't happen.

    Abortions have become the easy option. Get it over with and be done. Adoption still requires nine months of carrying the baby. Then the birth itself. Not everyone wants to go through that.

    No, adoption is not talked about. Neither is abortion. An unwanted pregnancy is not talked about. It is (rightfully) seen as a failure. It means "Whoops, fucked up this time." While I would not call "fucking up" in this or any other way a taboo, fucking up is fucking up. That always carries a certain social stigma.

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  • I think part of the reason is because in some places the adoption/ foster care system is broken so badly. some times the kids are set up with terrible families who beat and abuse them, or in foster care use the kids as meal tickets thanks to the money they receive from the government. another reason I think is because if you give a child up for adoption it makes you look bad

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What Girls Said 18

  • It’s not at all taboo here, but the reason it’s not a common occurrence (and as such, not commonly talked about) is because the system is a mess and consistently fails. Adoption is harder and more expensive than any other form of having/getting a child and is often a long and heartbreaking process. Our government has acknowledged that yet cracked down on international adoption and done nothing at all to ease domestic placements.
    Until the entire system is redone adoption is not a replacement for abortion, which I’m assuming your point is

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    • Same here in Canada. Most of the kids who are put up for adoption end up as Crown wards who are bounced from foster home to foster home.

  • Why would any of these be taboo? Adoption gives children the chance to be looked after and loved after being rejected by their biological mum, or lost their entire family. Many reasons why these children are put up for adoption, and women who can't have kids or are too afraid to have their own, should be allowed to adopt.

    Abortion is there for women who are scared, ill, and young.

    Men do not have a right to talk about what us women can and cannot do with our bodies. End of story.

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  • Adoption is not Taboo except maybe where your from, if you decide against abortion and want to adopt ypur baby there are loads of places to go just ask a doctor or if you really want put advert on anything from yois local paper to Craig's list. A child put up for adoption doesn't wait long to find new parents, in fact there is a very long list of would be new parents.
    Fostering I'd not Taboo either, it's usually a case of less people being willing to foster a child. Fostering is not always easy and they often have psychological, learning problems or physical disabilities and often violent tendencies. My parents fostered a few kids when I was growing, it wasn't always easy sailing. Fostering is not something I will do when I have a family.
    In most countries abortions are taboo and considered a shameful thing espicially if you've had more than one because it means you were stupid more than once. People tend to keep their abortions to themselves here except maybe when they see a therapist over the guilt and remorse they feel for it.

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  • People get weird if someone says, "I'm adopted!" It's even worse when the person talks about how they never met their real parents, their foster family treats them like crap, their real parents were drug addicts and that their depressed. It's bad enough that their parents gave them up... but the rest is so much worse. I usually have no way relating to their problems. My mother is dead--but that's not the same as being adopted. She died from cancer. It seems that those adopted are viewed as less than or unwanted. I'm not adopting anyone.

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    • Pregnancy and giving birth plus the psychological effect of giving to adoption are seen as worse than abortion.

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    • @jacquesvol, how? Isn't it a relief to know your child is alive and you didn't end it's life?

    • @curiousnorway a zygote or a fetus isn't a child

  • I have no idea, I see it as a very noble thing to do. I don’t understand why anyone would ever look down on a person for giving someone else’s unwanted child a chance to grow up surrounded by a loving and caring family. I suppose parents of adopted children may face some criticism if they choose adoption over having their own children, passing down their genes, etc. since there are a lot of people who place a lot of emphasis on that sort of thing, but still.

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  • ... I wasn't aware that it was taboo. I mean, I'm from Norway, and I've never heard of any taboo against adoption... granted, I have never considered adopting myself, even though I'm actually infertile and can't have children... but my lifestyle wouldn't be very good for a child anyway; no stable relationships and not a whole lot of money, so...

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    • Not sure where you lives, but in my area it's kinda taboo. It's not necessary seen as wrong to adopt children. But adopting away children is seen as more of a taboo than abortion. In addition it's seen as more awkward to suggest your friend to consider adoption if they're not able to take care of their own children than suggesting abortion - when they asks you for advice.

    • It's like when you suggest adoption they're like: "How can you think of something like that? Poor children!", but if you suggest abortion many are like: "Okay, I may considering that".

    • I clearly have not talked to enough people about adoption. ^_^

  • In my country it's not seen as taboo, I knew many children who have been adopted. It's just that adoption are very long to do.

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  • Adoption is definitely not taboo in Canada. Maybe in your country it is but not here. Also, I thought the abortion rate in Scandinavian countries was extremely low compared to rates in other Western countries.

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    • The Scandinavian abortion rate is lower than other countries because of good sex education and welfare system. But it's still more common than adoption.

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    • Condoms don't always stop pregnancies, and neither does the pill.

    • Abortions are not babies. They're nothing. They're aborted way before they become anything. If a woman is over a certain amount of time, then an abortion is not allowed. They have to carry to term.

  • Where I'm from you can only adopt children from foreign countries and not local children. In the case of local children, either the mother has to raise them or they end up in an orphanage and can be sometimes fostered.

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    • It's a similar system in my country too and I thinks it's a bit silly. Technically it's legal to adopt both local and children from foreign countries, but the system isn't good at informing people. So many assumes if they wants to adopt, they've to adopt children from other countries. Others believes it's only two options; adopting from another country or surrogacy. They believes it's not possible to adopt local because Norway is a 1st world country and everyone are "privileged". Some even believes the child protective service solves everything or that only temporarily foster homes are possible.

      It's also a taboo to adopt locally because of "everyone are privileged" and "we've welfare, so adoption is stupid" misconceptions. Therefor mothers usually either choose to keep the child or abort it.

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    • Basically, its a very small place (1hr to cross from south most point to north most point) and it is very easy if the child is adopted that its birth mother locates it and creates complications.

    • I can understand that one. I wouldn't like to meet my biological ones very often like I meets neighbors or class mates either. I've a real family, so that would just make a cat fight between my real and my biological one. But at the other side, orphanages isn't anything better. Being raised in an orphanage can be more unhealthy and damaging for a child than a "neighbor" that makes conflicts. If you gets in a difficult time, you can at least have a family helping you if you're adopted. Even getting adopted from people abroad sounds better than orphanages. Still support the no abortion law though.

  • It's not an taboo but people want own kids. It's weird I know but they want something which is their own flesh and blood. I want go adopt once I'm older

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  • Because the system is toxic trash for the most part

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  • I wouldn't say "taboo" put I think IVF has definitely became more popular. I know a few know a couples who actually can't have children naturally and when ever discussion of adoption has came up the men usually says it's to much trouble and they don't want to rise another man's child and the woman usually want the children to take after them.

    For myself personally as someone who has been told I might have difficulty having a child naturally. I would definitely want to adopt. I can't think of anything more rewarding than taking a child from a under privileged background and giving them a real future in life and letting them know they have someone who loves and cares for them. Even if I can have children I still like the idea of adoption and its something I've always wanted to do.

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  • Too many people would rather have their own child.

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  • It's not?

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  • Adoption is absolutely not taboo in Scandinavia. It is just not practiced. It´s not like in the US. Children that are removed from their homes by social services and placed with another family, still in most cases gets to visit and connect with their bio parents, as that is seen as crucial to a child´s mental health and development, true or not.

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    • Adoption often suggests the couple is sterile and nobody wants the whole world to knòw that.

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    • They actually in many cases force the child to connect to bio parents against their will and even when it will traumatize the child. A father in prison for murdering the mother, can in many cases keep custody of the child and enforce visitation.

    • WTF? If the biological parents are abusive and the child have another home with other parents, it's ridiculous to force them meeting the abusive ones just because they're the biological one. Children shouldn't be forced to stay with abusive parents anyway. I would be upset to be forced to meet my biological one frequently even if they weren't abusive, because I've a family I'm happy with and don't need any strangers in my life.

  • Of course that the main reasons someone would get an abortion include 1. Not subjecting your body to pregnancy "unnecessarily" and 2. Precisely not to put yet another baby in the system, what we had until now when abortion wasn't an option.

    Both developed and undeveloped countries have a high number of children for adoption, but your question somehow implies it's better on the other side of the fence.
    I think adoption is not a taboo at all if not for the very reason people adopt: they can't have their own children. Other people just don't want to raise children that aren't their own.

    Wouldn't it be awkward if there were a large number of women leading pregnancy to term only to have the baby put up for adoption? I think the social stigma associated with it is not exactly wrong. On the contrary, the abandonment of your own offspring being accepted as normal would have financially and moral-wise a great negative impact on society - whether a first world country or not.

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  • I don't think it is

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  • Fiancée was an adopted baby at 2 years old and was raped multiple times by his adoptive father to the point that he has DID :( its terrible to think about what happens to those babies and kids but it’s very real sadly..

    He had even gone through a rape from a stronger kid as well when he got a bit older at camping trips for kids/teens

    He wants to be the father he should have had to our child and wants to have his own child, I want one from us because I want a miracle that we both took part in.

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What Guys Said 25

  • It's not all taboo. And a lot of times abortion is viewed as worse than adoption because people compare it to murder.

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    • It's not murder as they're not killing a baby. It's undeveloped. Sometimes it might be a baby, but that is in really bad cases.

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    • It's not like it's illegal, just there are people who are pro life vs pro choice.

    • I am just playing devil's advocate here. This isn't what I personally think. I'm just giving some possible reasons why they would think that.

  • I don't know about other's but I only ever want children of my own.

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  • Many are simply too selfish to want any child. Therefore, it's incomprehensible for them to carry one to term - even if it's a consequence of their own bad behavior! When they fail to abort, they sometimes resort to full-on infanticide, and hope they don't get charged for it. Because they're just that plain evil.

    Still others are under pressure from family to carry on the family name. This requires that two parameters be met:

    1. The child must carry the family name for life.
    2. The child must carry the family's DNA.

    Thus, every set of parents is expected to have at least one boy, even if the rest are girls. The boy must grow up to get married. If the father has brothers, they are held to the same expectation, until all the male cousins are able to reach marriageable age and repeat the cycle so the name and DNA continue.

    If the parents can only have girls, then the name doesn't carry on. Therefore, she "doesn't count," and the passage on of DNA still means the family name and legacy are "dead."

    If the parents adopt, the children don't have the same DNA. Therefore, they "don't count." Double so if a girl!

    Many forget that it isn't just about what you do to pass on your DNA. It's what you do to pass on your values and legacy! An adopted child who adopts your system and propagates that into the future is more valuable than a dozen biological offspring that won't heed a word you say!

    However, many have forgotten this. Which betrays that they fear they don't have a system worthy of carrying on. But want their genes to continue out of baseless pride anyway.

    Adoption is also expensive, and there's a stigma that adopted kids are somehow "lesser" than biological ones.

    "What, you couldn't have your own? Gotta raise someone else's mistake?" This wrong-headed question pops up a lot.

    Due to this, most Americans would rather not bother adopting.

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    • It's the same shit in Norway. People are so obsessed with biological children.

  • Because it is killing something that is alive in one form or another and that something is human. It isn't done for food or any other purpose than making a life not exist. It is a question of morality not survival.

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  • I don't think you are right about that I don't see adoption as taboo it is merely that people have a preference for having their own children which is understandable as that would be the continuation of their DNA which is the prime reason for procreation in the first place
    Adoption simply does not offer that so people do not often consider the option till all other options are exhausted and even then they may not want to

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  • honestly i think its because some couples try and try to have children and adopting means failure.. Additionally adopting here in the US can cost between 25,000 and 50,000 dollars. so it can be incredibly expensive to adopt.

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  • Really? I thought US has one of the amazing and benevolent system to take care of foster kids. Perhaps you are talking about "adoption" as a legal child who has all the rights of your own child. Hmmm.. I guess people think if we adopt a child, everybody will say they did it because they could not have kids

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  • The world is backwards. Adoption is saving a life abortion is taking one yet its so hard to adopt and to get adopted aswell. But so easy t o have an abortion. Its as normal now days as pullin a tooth u make an apoitment go have it done an usually home the same day. Society is so messed up

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  • It's not a taboo it's just rare. Because why, if you have the ability to make a child and support one, would you not choose to follow your DNA and make a baby? The only time people really adopt is if they can't have a kid, if they can support one, and then if they can get one young enough for them to grow into their family.

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  • The adoption process can be expensive, and I mw=ean thousands, and difficult to go through. Many parents are not perfect but a minor traffic violatio9n can start a investigation that is expensive and unneeded. The rights of the parents are no longer protected. Biological mothers, in some states, can interfere with child raising. The need to inform children is often more of a problem than if the child lived their whole life as if planned by mom and dad. To adopt a Korean you need a plane ticket and $500. If the government cares this much about children they would take children from over half the existing parents. It's just too much for many people. Abortion is popularized and even encourage now so it seems like the quick fix.

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  • I dknt really see it as taboo. I see it as an unfortunate decision the family of the child had to make, but happy that another family takes them in to give them a good family environment that kids need to thrive and do well in life.

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  • It's not. There you go again barking up some tree. Post after post after post.

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  • It's not really frowned upon here. In fact, the council here actually advertise for people to foster or adopt children. There are also private organisations who offer similar services.

    Simples...

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  • Not taboo in America. People are quite open about it.

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  • It isn't as far as I'm aware not with so many maybe in a small percentage of people

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  • first i've ever heard of it being a taboo. i am all for adoption - within law. people are free to adopt whomever they choose; however, as with having a gun, car, spouse, own children, etc. - merely b/c one is able does not mean they should, due to responsibilities (or lack thereof).
    by this i mean that there are far too many who do so for the wrong reasons (e. g., status (as in the case of at least two close friends)). examples of many celebs and their "adoptions" are also especially distasteful to some, as they opt to commission someone run to the farthest corner of the planet, snubbing those in their own country, so that they can appear more. to me this smacks of treating them as cattle. children are not a fashion accessory.

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  • Definitely not tabboo in the US. Can't speak on other countries

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  • Because modern day people wants to kill babies not take care of them... who can do abortion and call his babies, can't raise a child that isn't her's

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  • Anthropologically, for women it implies infertility, for men it implies inability to provide for a woman such that she remains faithful.

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  • its not. half of my cousins on my moms side of the family and my dads youngest sister are adopted

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  • Its not a taboo, at least where I live (Austria)

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  • I've never heard that before.

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  • Yeah adoption is apparently a bad thing but killing the baby is actually encouraged. Damn I hate people so much.

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    • Yeah, some first world countries are really weird. They're criticizing third world countries for breaking human rights, but fall into the trap themselves. Although it's not as frequently, it still happens.

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    • No religion or lawsucceeded in stopping sexuality, even if many tried.

    • @jacquesvol Yeah I know. People are trash.

  • Because of overpopulation.

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  • Same reason abortion is

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    • No, abortion is not seen as ok. Kavanaugh, the guy who's about to be confirmed to the supreme court once said "birth control, is like abortion, it should be illegalized"

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