Is it harder to be a masculine man?

I feel society pressures men not to be masculine and be more soft. It makes sense to me Alpha males would have a tougher time in daily life. I mean they are leading the pack.
Is it harder to be a masculine man?
Thanks to the photo owner

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Most Helpful Guys

  • It can be a headache sometimes, yeah. The most important thing to remember is that people will fight you, any time you are trying to disrupt the status quo.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Alpha males are hotter and better men all around.

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    • I don't know if being an alpha male is harder but it's definitely hard the expectacion are a lot

    • i wish i was told this as a young man!

  • Yes, because it's generally deemed sexist or wrong for a man to actually be a man these days.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 50

  • Okay, first of all there is no such thing as "alpha" and "beta" males. This analogy from wolves is really stupid and it doesn't work for humans. Because... we're not wolves.

    What I can tell you, having lived as a man for 30 years, is that I feel the exact opposite. In my everyday life, I feel a constant pressure to be masculine in a very traditional sense.

    Now, personally I actually don't think those "alpha" males are masculine at all. I think they are insecure little sausages trying desperately to come across as masculine. Like those guys that feel the need to brag about their gym routines and ask impressionable girls to press their biceps... rather pathetic in my opinion.

    In my opinion, real masculinity is humble and quiet. It is something you don't need to brag about. You don't need to walk through the streets like a fucking peacock or tell everyone how you are a master at fixing cars.
    Masculinity is a type of confidence that means being happy with who you are and not being ashamed for your quirks. A truly masculine guy can do things that dumb alpha meatheads consider totally weak (such as wearing a pink shirt or showing his emotions) because he is secure; he doesn't feel the need to impress his immature buddies.

    Also, masculinity can be a thousand different things. For example my dad was a truly amazing father. He did such a good job that I'm afraid I won't be able to top him. Now, my dad was actually a pretty "soft" father. He wasn't the typical dad that is always stern and a little distant and lets intimacy be taken care of by his wife. My dad showed his emotions very openly, gave us lots of love, played with us a lot a lot etc. He was very different from my best friend's dad who mainly cared about his career and didn't feel the need to build an intimate relationship with his kids. My dad is also very good at some skills that are traditionally viewed as feminine, such as cooking. He can make amazing meals while most fathers of my friends can hardly boil an egg by themselves.
    Now, all of this may appear "soft" and unmasculine to one of those immature, self-proclaimed alpha fools. In reality, I think it is very masculine. It is a way of going radically against the current and defying social expectations and not caring about what people might think.

    In that sense, ironically, it is the guys who are often viewed as too soft who are possibly the most masculine.
    Again, I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm happy the way I am.

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    • https://youtu.be/8AA5wcfmOnA

      This man can teach you the psychology related to this.

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    • @DanoMR98
      Exactly. And it's really sad so many people fall for these snake oil salesmen. Another very cringey one is Ben Shapiro. All he does is swear about evil pink-haired SJWs college kids and talk really fast so he comes across more intelligent and all of his followers go like "OH MY GOD BEN SHAPIRO THOU ART HOLY, MAY I SUCK THE TURD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR ARSE"

      Like, the bar for intellectual has got to be higher than that.

    • So thats how how people reason against them. Huh not very gud

  • Bullshit. Alphas DO NOT HAVE TO BE MASCULINE! The ONLY thing you have to be to be alpha is to BE IN CHARGE! That's it. You can be quiet, unassuming, non-muscular, a little balding, very mild-mannered and be the TOP FUCKING ALPHA. Because YOU RUN THINGS. That whole "alpha = masculine" crap is only believed by people who have NOT THE FIRST CLUE what an alpha is.

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  • No. It's not harder, if anything it's easier.

    There is a push for men to become less masculine, both from feminist women and effeminate men, who don't really understand masculinity.

    They blame the suicide rate on masculinity, yet as our society has become more and more obsessed woth stamping it out the male suicide rate has increased. 30 years ago, when masculinity was more expected, twice as many men killed themselves as women. Today, at a time when everybody seems to be obsessed with softening men, almost four times as many men kill themselves as women. If what they were saying were true, the number would have halved rather than doubled, but the opposite is true.

    The strangest thing I fomind is the accusation that masculine men are just insecure, that masculinity is just a mask. That men really want to be like women but we're just holding back. These are people who deny the biological differences between men and women, because when you acknowledge that men and women are different none of their arguments make sense.

    The women do this because they assume that men think like they do. And men who say these things say this because they're soft and effeminate themselves.

    Even more annoying to me are those who talk about how masculinity needs to be redefined for the modern age. The deeper meaning of masculinity has always been the same throughout history. It comes from our biology. Again, the men who say this are usually soft, effeminate, low-testosterone, submissive guys who only want to redefine it to include them basically.

    To them:
    Strength = weakness, and not caring about being strong = real strength
    Masculinity = insecurity, being okay with being effeminate = real masculinity
    Stoicism = cowardly and weak, being really emotional = brave

    These people want to redefine these words to fit them, because they're none of these things. A weak man who likes to think he's strong because he's okay with being weak, is still weak. An effeminate man who calls masculine men and thinks himself more masculine because he's okay with his effeminacy, is still not masculine. An overly emotional man who says that a man who doesn't show emotions is a coward,

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    • It posted before I was finished. Annoying.

      Anyway, a lot of people can see through this. Peoole are full of shit mostly. One anonymous guy said that shy/insecure/overly emotional men, the men who've been taught to think this way, are given shit even by those who told them to act this way, and it's true. The reason it annoys me is thay it sets those men up for failure.

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    • @FreshOutaIdeas

      I will, especially since GAG is full of these cucks.

    • Indeed... They'll get there's! ☠️☠️ haha

  • It's not hard at all, it's simply a question of embracing your nature. I always encourage my fellow males to Man up, so to speak. Because contrary to what some might say, the problem today is certainly not "toxic masculinity", but rather a lack of true masculinity.

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    • Exactly! There is also toxic femininity!

    • Absolutely. I have never found Alpha males to be threatening; actually I've found them very helpful over the years with both career and and girl advice. What most guys don't realize is that while some Alphas are born that way, MOST Alpha behaviors can be learned. Also, only somewhat related is that people that lift are assholes. I work out at a gym that produces both female and male competitive body builders and for the most part they are very chill people. More than happy to help with a weight or training question if I have one. I don't know why the Asker sounds so angry.

  • When reading this comment section I sense multiple interpretations of "alpha" or "masculinity", which makes it hard to answer the question.

    I think the best answers bring up the importance of the individual. Look at how these 'men's movements' manifest themselves for example, there's quite a few variants of them (PUA's, MGTOW, Anti-Feminists, MRA's) (and yeah I hate to bring up an example like this but it does work very well) whilst women collectively group their differences under the term 'feminism'. Its all because masculine men strive for their individualism, and its the most 'alpha' men that make their way to the top.

    In a way, this makes the top end of the business world home to many sociopaths and narcissists (because a large part of it is about self-interest). This is what many of those self-professed PUA's understand under alpha. The other interpretation is depicted from imagery. The alpha male is generally depicted as 'physically stronger' in cartoons for example. I'm not sure what you understand under 'alpha' and 'masculine'

    Personally, I see 'alpha' as a display of self, and confidence. I think many men actually being pushed to fall into this 'alpha' category (and they want to), but can't get themselves to. One thing that is affecting men and women for example, is social media and online dating.
    For one, interaction with strangers is scary and thus preferably avoided and with these devices IT CAN BE
    For two, men rarely get swiped back on apps like tinder. Most men could swipe for an hour and 'maybe' get a few matches at most. You can imagine that could have an effect on your confidence and thus, your willingness to explore new boundaries.
    For three, most men watch porn. It has been shown over and over again that porn can cause structural changes to your brain, and from my personal experience I feel quitting has only done my masculinity a favour.

    I have done these things, watching porn, tinder, and had a fear of interacting with strangers. Quitting sites like tinder, and exploring life outside of the digital world has really helped me, and I think it can help a lot of men.

    I guess what i'm trying to say is that for a lot of these men you might be describing, their masculinity might be dumbed down by these societal structures amongst others rather than having never been present.

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  • That's what you get when everyone get's to reproduce.
    Natural selection would've taken care of this issue, but we had to invent medicines/vaccines and "morals".
    Weak individuals don't die anymore, we can see that in our society.

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  • Are you kidding me? Masculine men have the easiest time. Feminists give them shit on social media, but they still sleep with them over the nice guys. So-called "toxic masculinity" only exists because women have preferred it for thousands of generations. Otherwise it would have died out.

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  • Masculinity is a social construct because it is interpreted differently to different people. Also, if you using the definition from the dictionary, yes. It would be very hard because in this day and age of being triggered and #metoo. It’s not as tolerated without backlash

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  • Nowadays you can notice the mainstream media referring to masculine men as terrorists, while not so long ago men were just "toxic" or "rapists". Get it? A masculine man is the same thing as a hijacker flying an aircraft into a skyscraper or a gunman opening fire into an innocent crowd.

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  • It’s not an easy job but someone’s gotta do it. Flexx*

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  • The problem is that people tend to take things things too far. When genders activists spoke about letting men show their feelings or that it's okay for them to cry people took it too far. Now people expect men to always show their emotions regardless of whether they actually want to. So a man who prefers being stoic or shows any signs or traditional masculinity is deemed bad for society. So it becoming harder to be a masculine man.

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  • People are multi-dimensional within their personality, but to suggest there isn't a social hierarchy is asinine. There are beta males and alpha males. We all know the types in our personal lives. I feel as if we have managed as a society to look down on masculinity as it makes other men who can't match certain standards feel better. We're all about coddling and being sensitive in my generation, and I really don't agree with it.

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  • Depends on your concept of masculinity, being an alpha male is about power. We no longer need to constantly fight or defend our lives thanks to society, power is now defined solely by money and social status.

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  • Yes it's harder but what trait is more masculine then doing what you feel is right even when people tell you no?

    People told me no my whole life and i always prove them wrong and accomplish things without their help or approval.

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  • Meh. Alpha and beta stuff i don’t subscribe too. Are there assertive people? Yes and less assertive people exist. But this model removes intellectuals and Genius from the mid in “leadership”. Beside the alpha / beta is black and white. Life had lots of shades of grey.

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  • They are leading the pack? Alpha males? Lol you must be kidding me. Anyone who can take his fair share of responsibility in life is enough alpha for his own life's sake if bitches dig it or not he shouldn't give a fuck about it.

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  • This is not true. Society loves "alpha males" and puts men it does not deem so below them, and puts the pressure on to follow traditional gender typing.

    Really the concept of an "alpha male" as a vulgar-sociological term is toxic, sexist & gross.

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  • the question would be: is it desirable to be in todays society? like there's no appreciation for men in todays society. they are all stigmatized as cheaters and borderline rapists that have no emotions... why would anyone want to be that?

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  • Nah. I'm masculine. and women have said I'm "Daddy as fuck". I'm good with masculine no matter what society thinks

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  • What's hard is that you have to project the alpha male image, but also a friendly image. But not too much or you get friendzoned. But not too alpha either, or you get called macho and stuff... And then, women want men to be "themselves" lolol

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  • there is no alpha and beta.
    Only thing that exists is being confident and being insecure.
    When i look at guys who think they are alpha i only see cringe and they are pussbois

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  • Some people pressure us to by “masculine” it’s all bs there’s no such thing as an “alpha male” and I have never felt pressured to be soft

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  • Nope. Not at all. I am who I am. No one will change that.

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  • If by masculine you mean is it more difficult in society for men to exercise masculine traits associated with leadership due to the current cultures hostility towards masculinity then the answer is YES. The same is true for either women or men having to exercise authority under masculine principalities. It's not so much the cause of gender debate, as much as it is the inherent traits of children to arbitruarily rebel against authority. Masculine principals associated with leadership have had the upheaval aimed at that exacerbate due to culture simply because the oversimplification of the demonized attributes of men has lead people inable to distinguish between sex and characteristics.

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  • Its just how we are. Life is tough all around. Is never want to be a submissive even if it were easier

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  • It's kind of difficult just because people expect masculine men to be angry and violent but that's not the case most of the time.

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  • I just be myself. The only complaints I get are from my mom who says that I’m too sarcastic and apathetic. But that’s just how I am

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    • That's good but be kind still
      No man needs to be running around crying so that's a good thing in my opinion

    • To be fair my mom has no sense of humor, she takes everything as an insult but that’s just how she is. I gotta be careful around her lol

  • In a way it looks like it because it seems guys have to be molded into it, but girls, femininity is ingrained in them

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  • Its annoying to constantly be shown and compared to very effeminate men who speak with like a high lisp and are Everywhere, but its not That big of a deal to me personally. I don’t feel like that kind of man is attractive to most women. And I really don’t believe in the Alpha/Beta shit for humans. I just feel like I have less in common with those kinds of men, I can’t identify with them, and there’s certain external pressures to shame or otherwise label masculinity as toxic.

    I just avoid forms of media that plaster that kind of expectation all over. We are all free to be as we want to be, I’m me and they’re them and that’s fine.

    I don’t have a problem embracing things people claim to not be masculine either (like I have a passion for writing poetry) but I think we’re all working with varying levels of estrogens and testosterone so it doesn’t matter as long as we’re being honest to ourselves.

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  • No such thing as alphas and betas

    Plus the woman should lead. Love tough dominant tomboys

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What Girls Said 8

  • most men are quite the softies, Ill agree on that. at least the young ones are. But damn... I do recognice those abs, who is the owner? They look amazing and I demand to know :D

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  • This is stupid. No one is pressuring men to become soft or whatever.
    There is simply a wave of "letting men have feelings".

    The suicide rates among men are higher. Simply because they are not taught to "have feelings". To "man up". Because "boys don't cry".

    It is okay to be "masculine" as long as it isn't a constricted limit.

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    • Ironically these slogans to mention arrive from mothers onto their sons. Mothers have always loved their daughters more and frankly have not loved their sons. Even today the majority of mothers place more care and attention inyo their daughters. These slogans are borne from scornful mothers, forcing infants and children to "quit crying", "Grow up", "Be a man"

      The reason why its from the mothers is because only in recent history have fathers ever played a significant role in parenting their children. Most fathers have been near totally absent.

  • I think boys should be influenced to be more open about their emotions and to strive for more than mediocrity when it comes to jobs for the sake of happiness more so than security.
    None of that makes them less masculine. It just makes them less like a soulless robot.

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  • https://youtu.be/p1Ahy6m4wHM
    This explains real masculinity pretty well!

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  • Get your shit together
    Get your mind right
    Look for to introspect and grow
    Then you are a man!

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  • The abs looks nice but I'm concerned about his uhhh swirling head

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  • Yes... it so difficult, cos they are too lazy for that.

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  • Yes.

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