As many of you know, I've made many posts on here lately saying stuff like "women are only good for sex" and "black and hispanic people are the worst" and so on. I've also asked if good women exist and if I should give women another chance with my trust but in both posts, I responded negatively to anyone who suggested that they exist and that I should trust them. I'll start with why I said the stuff about women and black & hispanic people; I've had many bad experiences with them and have developed a negative view towards them as I'm often reminded of the death threat videos I was sent from cartel members when I was a kid. The way they spoke was very natural, but they were torturing a victim in the video and threatening to do the same to me if I didn't pay them. So when I hear people talking naturally in Spanish, I'm often reminded of what I saw, and use their inability to stop these people in their countries as my excuse not to like them. For blacks, I was sent to a hell hole of a summer camp when I was a kid, full of blacks who constantly belittled me for being white and I started to see them as my enemy. For women, you can guess, they've brought massive amounts of pain into my life, the only time they healed me was when it was their job (nurses), and it's made it hard for me to have any trust in them. I've been improving my life by dropping relationships down my list, but some things people tend to say triggers old thoughts. The thought that they're only good for sex was created through the lack of effort I see in women when they're in relationships, I see then man working 60+ hours per week, paying all bills, buying the house, and the woman just keeps her money, has sex with him, and that's it. I grew up in a place where that was a very common dynamic but the men were constantly told that no real man is single, so they stayed in the relationship/marriage. I am sorry for what I've said, I will try harder to stay cool in the future.
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Since I ran out of space, my former best friend betrayed me by telling all of her friends my secrets and revealing that she'd just been using me all along, she seemed super trustworthy and I helped her with her depression and anxiety, which makes it even harder for me to trust women.