At that point, I fractured my hands trying to grab the [floor].
I've also been in fights before but this one was much more brutal. I had been in "gentlemanly" fights which were nothing like this, more like the kind where people pull the guy away when the other guy was down. This wasn't at all like this. They didn't stop when I was down. I was trying to block things and it was breaking things left and right in my body. I kept struggling until I gave up and tried to accept my fate, and then the police arrived a few minutes after. But it broke something in my brain. I sometimes suspect it's still broken -- like dormant, but broken, you know?
It's like my worst nightmare of that wasn't being beaten to a pulp. It's that I became some sort of demon after that, angry and hurting even my closest friends inadvertently. The psychological impact was much worse than the physical one.
It's like the potential of what I could do was more terrifying than what has happened. I don't know if people how many people can relate to that. Something broke in my brain during that experience.But the couple I "rescued" (or at least I diverted from an ass beating to just shift the focus to me) visited me later on in the hospital and they wrote me a letter saying I "saved" them. And the night club owner who didn't interfere, along with his staff, gave me lifelong VIP access and invited me to become his bouncer (I refused) even though I'm just a measly 5'7 software programmer. I got a lot of respect in that night club after, especially from the security.But for all the respect of "heroism" or whatever, I was a demon inside. I had unsavory thoughts. I got angry and bitter for months after that in ways that weren't at all like me. And I see glimpses of that now and then in me, and it's worrisome. :-D I never had that before until then.
Wow. That is quite an experience. Take care of yourself and get help if you need it. Hint: You almost certainly could benefit from talking to someone.
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