Was it inconsiderate of acquaintance to confess his crush?

I work with this guy 4 days a week - 8 hours a day. He's a great guy and we really get along. I sensed that he was interested and I made it clear in our casual conversations that I wasn't interested in a relationship, hoping that he'd get the hint. Then one day, he confesses that he likes me. I turned him down nicely. He was a great buddy. (The following week, I've been acting normal as if nothing happened.)

Question is: I'm thinking it was a bit inconsiderate of him to do this. Luckily, I'm able to be normal but if it ended up being awkward, he'd have made my job really uncomfortable. As I said, I work with him all day for 4 days a weeks. I value my job. Good on him for being honest - but at the risk of potentially making the job awkward for me?

Or am I being insensitive?

Funny how it's the female answerers who think I'm being a b**** and attention-whore. You're being rather harsh, ladies.

On the other hand, you guys have definitely been more helpful. Thanks guys.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel as though you handled it the appropriate way, but I don't think he was being inconsiderate. Men can be a little dense, and he was probably hoping that if he told you how he felt you would change your mind about a relationship. I don't think I can fault either one of you, if that makes sense. He has the right to admit how he feels, just as you have the right to turn him down. Sometimes getting something like that off your chest is necessary to starting a friendship.

    I have a friend that I liked a lot, admitted it to him, he said he didn't like me that way, I was silently devastated for a bit, but I wasn't shy around him anymore, got to know him better, and realized that although we are great friends we would have been terrible in a relationship together.


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What Guys Said 6

  • On the one hand, yes, he should have taken the hint. He should have thought about how his saying anything to you might make both of your jobs difficult. There's also the issue of gossip since inevitably, people at work will likely find out this happened. Honesty isn't an excuse for making moves on people in a work environment where the grapevine is always operating.

    On the other hand, a verbal hint won't stand up if you are otherwise giving him 'yes' vibes, by flirting, by the way you smile at him, and so on. I can't know if you were doing that, and you yourself might not have been aware you were giving him that vibe, either.

    So I can't agree with you about his being inconsiderate without knowing how you were behaving around him; how you were dressing at work; and how your conversations were going. Since you got long well at work, I tend to think you were doing at least a little flirting, even if you weren't meaning to!

    I hope he takes this rejection in stride, as you seem to be able to do.

    • *sigh* The dangers of being friendly to a guy...

      Our conversations are easy and we make each other laugh. But I certainly don't bat my eyes, make flirty eye contact, etc. And I certainly don't touch. Heck, I thought I was acting like a male buddy.

      I'm sorry he thought he saw something that gave him hope.

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    • Nope. Think non-skinny jeans, t-shirts and old jumpers. I think it was the conversation/talking that did it. But I was just being a normal pal.

    • it doesn't take much for guys to get hopeful in the current USA climate.

  • Inconsiderate? The last thing it would be is inconsiderate.

    He had feelings, and he let you know. It's only awkward if you make it.

  • He risked making things awkward between the both of you for the sake of taking a chance. Don't girls like guys who take a chance, just put it all out there?

    What confuses me often is how girls get angry at guys who reveal how they feel. I'm not accusing you of being like this necessarily, because working 8 hours a day with someone is quite a big deal.


    Would you be able to enlighten me on why, for some girls, a close friend admitting his feelings is suddenly "selfish" or "inconsiderate"? I mean, that's kinda what you do when you're interested in someone. But everyone nods in agreement when she says he's a total jerk for liking her. Am I missing something, or is everyone just afraid to speak up against drama queens?


    But yeah, it's really up to you whether or not you make it awkward from here on. What's done is done. He had those feelings, so all he did was speak the truth.

    Also, there's a major type of thinking you should avoid here:

    "Luckily, I'm able to be normal but if it ended up being awkward, he'd have made my job really uncomfortable."

    I had an ex girlfriend who would often say: "This doesn't bother ME. But if I were another girl, it WOULD HAVE bothered me. So you're a jerk and need to apologize."

    I once told her they were starting renovations on her apartment complex. "Imagine if I WASN'T home at the time. I would have panicked! What kind of jerk wants his girlfriend to panic?!" And she promptly broke up with me.

    But yeah, if something doesn't bother you personally, and you can handle it just fine, don't start looking for ways to be offended by it because "it would have bothered Emily". Trust me, you'll quickly turn into the "psycho ex girlfriend".

    • Don't worry, I'd never make him feel guilty for being honest. As I said, he had guts for confessing - which is something I could never do. When I have a crush, I hold it in because of fear. The last thing I'd want to do is put a guy on the spot & expect a yes. I guess that, ultimately, my inexperience and fear of relationships is the problem here. I can't help but think, "Why can't people just keep their feelings inside, get on with the work and keep things neat?" Shows my immaturity, huh?

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    • (contd.)

      For instance, I've been studying the wage gap a lot lately. What I've found is that women are more likely to sacrifice income for both personal life and a sense of fulfillment from their job. So in essence, women are more balanced between work life and personal life. For men, they are more likely to hurt their personal lives for the sake of income, because much of a man's perceived value comes from his paycheck and the prestige of his career.

    • And so we act as though men are so much more successful, because we are judging their success by their income, power, and prestige, instead of personal well-being, balance, and fulfillment.

  • What he did was fine.

    What you did was fine.

  • He probably felt he had to take a shot. As long as it was how you make it sound, in a manner that wasn't scary or awkward, you should be able to continue as work buds as long as he is able to let go of the idea of it being something more.

    Now if he had cornered you in the office and stuck his tongue down your throat, that might cause some awkwardness.

    • Hopefully it's that easy. I've been extremely cool, nonchalant and, well, NORMAL after the incident. I hope he can get the hint, do the same and never mention this again.

    • Well, I can kind of relate to him because there is this girl I work who I really like, but when I started there she had a boyfriend. A coupe months ago she mentioned that she broke up with him. We're not best buds or anything and have never hung out outside work and work-related events, but she is really nice. But she is really nice to everyone. I was thinking of just seeing if she wanted to go to lunch some time so I could try and get an idea of how she felt.

  • nah not at all, it was probably doing more damage to him keeping it inside. sometimes you gotta let that stuff out regardless of whether the other person feels the same way. since you already had a clue that he was interested it can't possibly have done that much harm


What Girls Said 5

  • Hey, I would be totally ticked if I were you. Some guys just can't take a hint, and then it gets awkward when they go balls to the wall.

    It's important to consider that the guy has feelings, but one should also consider YOUR feelings. It is not your job to take care of someone else; you have yourself to worry about, after all. The guy made the decision to put his heart on the line, and you can recognize that as an adult decision and handle it accordingly. Maybe he just felt so strongly that he had to take the shot; at the same time, it was a little inconsiderate since you were making it clear you weren't interested and he went ahead anyway...that was something he did for himself, and not for you at all.

    Team You.

  • Yea I read some one the answers from girls down there, what is up their asses -.-

    Anyways, I think it's perfectly fine, though you just might be over thinking slightly, and that's perfectly normal. It's very flattering when you find out that someone likes you, but when you don't return those feelings, it can get very awkward. You've handled this perfectly, but your own thoughts might still be bothering you. So just have some quiet 'you' time, and just let this slide so it doesn't stay on your mind for too long :)

  • I think you are exaggerating and yes, you are probably being insensitive... more than insensitive, maybe even selfish.

    So you told him you weren't interested in a relationship... he probably didn't want a relationship anyway. He should have read the hint, but he anyway took the shot. if you ask me, he had more to lose than you. He's the one who got rejected and you are the one thinking that he's inconsiderate about making you feel awkward in your job. He might even feel he not only lost a potential date, but also a friend... and you are here thinking he's very inconsiderate. I think you're exaggerating this. I'm sure he also values his job and your job. He was just expressing his feelings. Now that knows you're a waste of time, he'll accept it, move on and forget about you. he will pull away in trying not to make you feel like he's insisting. Get over yourself. These things happen all the time. he'll be back to normal in no time.

  • Its also funny how your ready to cry sexual harassment on a young man who made a simple observation, with the hope of making your day... If your not at all in the least intrested you would of never blog about it., And the reasons why the "females" are making these observations is because we are "females" and we are very VERY AWARE,of the games WE PLAY...SO your story is not unique stop playing with this guys feelings period, UR PULLING A STUNT, TO LOOK LIKE THE VICTIM..leave that man alone you don't want him that's it...do go jeopardizing his job either with your cry baby bullsh*t, about how he was wrong to put you in that position. If he's not making it awkward just move on do him a favor PLEASE!.

    • Someone's been watching too much drama.

      No one cried sexual harassment and no one is playing with this guy's feelings. No one made this guy feel guilty for confessing. Furthermore, it is true that I am NOT interested. Not every girl here is an attention whore who likes playing games. Some of us are genuinely confused about these situations. But you probably don't understand. Take it or leave it.

  • Yea your being a jerk, its very possible UR making more of this than it really is. Truth be told he probably just wanted to f*** u. Not marry you anyways. You probably look like a good f***...now what you turned him down and he doesn't pay any attention to your ass anymore, so your sitting around thinking how you can get his attention, by saying this sh*t. With the hope some body agree with your crybaby ass so you can have a fake attitude with him with the hopes he .notice it... Cause your craving his attention now,... Pathetic