Why do people thinks it's so terrible to want a boyfriend with a good job?

and hence making a good amount of money?

Of course it's wrong if you care about his money only, but I generally I see nothing wrong with it being part of what you want in a partner.

I'm working hard on getting a good degree and a good job later on and I think it's equally important that my boyfriend does the same. I know I want a family at some point and let's face it in most families the man is still the main breadwinner. And that's for a reason. Women just miss out a whole lot of career opportunities when having children. In the U.S. empolyers don't have to pay anything during maternity leave. During that time you just depend on your husband making enough money. What's wrong with that?

I hear so many guys complaining about women not dating unemployed men. Well ya because if he is without work for a long period of time, I can't have the life I hope to have with him.

Money is not the only thing you should care about but I think it should part of it


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it's unreasonable of a request. I mean, with a good paying job (especially if two parties are involved) you can introduce quality events into the relationship like trips to hawaii and hunny-moons etc.

    The part I would like to add is that there are many fields that people don't explore. You can't just assume that someone unemployed doesn't already have a million dollars and is living off the interest / dividends.. Consider active vs passive income.. Active being work, passive being sales.. etc.. There are ways to make money without working, but a smart man would understand that you can combine the two for some real profits.

    The one problem that's pretty obvious - is most "rich men" that I've met, have a hard time bonding to their own families (kids / wife / etc).. At least in my area, and I assume it's because the type of work they do is highly demanding. Usually leaving bad relationships within the family. Again, not all "rich men" will behave that way or will see that type of result down the road. But speaking about the majority within my area, it is true. Take a peek for yourself! Try to interview a few families, specifically kids and see how they feel about their folks, then relate that to income level. Is there a pattern?

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • Well I don't even mean rich , I mean decent. Like I don't know around 50 k a year. Altough I wouldn't really put a number on it. Just to be clear I do not expect him to have 6 figure salary just enough to support a family.

      My dad made about that much and we had a great relationship. True he was usually busy during the week but we always did stuff on the weekends.

    • Absolutely. But another thing to keep in mind is how many people want that, but that don't have the heart to fight for it. And I'm referring to the people like myself, who went to school for 4 years, to pull out before even seeing a diploma. School wasn't for me, but that doesn't mean that I will stop before having a successful financial future.

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What Guys Said 11

  • It's not a bad thing. It's fairly normal.

    BUT... there are a lot of girls who will want a status symbol. If a guy makes good money as, say, a garbage man, they won't date him.

    As a guy, I want someone who has a decent job as well. BUT... I also want her to have some passion for that job. if she makes millions, but becomes miserable to live with because she hates her job, then the money isn't worth it.

    On the other side of the coin, I think that sometimes there has to be a tiny tiny bit of relaxation of the rules for some people.

    I'm having a tough time financially in my career right now. I love it, I work really hard at it; but it isn't commonly understood or appreciated. Until this economy picks up, or I get my name out there, then it may be tough for a few more years (I'm also looking for something more stable, but haven't found anything yet).

    I would say that a guy who is working several jobs but not earning much is a bit different from a guy who sits around and plays video games all day (if he isn't a beta tester or tech reviewer for games. ;) ). A guy who is having trouble finding a stable career, but who is looking AND is trying to get a career off the ground is doing something that builds character. I believe he should get a small bit of understanding.

    A girl who earned millions at her job but resented it? To me, it doesn't seem worth it. If it made her miserable to live with? Not worth it. If she was always gone, or had weird hours and I never got to see her (let's say a Lawyer or doctor)? Probably not worth it to me. A girl with a trust fund who doesn't work at anything, and only parties? Even then, not worth it to me. I'd rather have a middle class artist who was passionate and made a difference (and where we could have a tiny apartment) than someone who had no zeal but we could live in a mansion.

    People tend to like to box people in to absolutes when sometimes, maybe, there's circumstances that make it a little different. That's what I sometimes have a problem with.

  • I travel much and meet gold diggers all day long and love the little gals. They are honest and want something. I have taken so many women from their men and not know it by being well mannered and prepared to treat myself well. They know I will treat them well.

    I don't want a woman who does not want anything but love. The only men and women I know living on love are pimps and ho's.

    Those guys who don't work or will not work have it easy, they are finding women stupid enough to have sex with them and take care of them. I am not talking about guys going to school to improve themselves.

    I know many women are interested in me for the wrong reasons, but most of the time it backfires and they grow to really like me.

    You are thinking correct. Don't entertain any man who's sole promise is a life of "want" and no desire to be their best at something. I am the type of man who wants to know what a woman succeeded at this week not last year. How ever small I like someone with forward progress.

  • I want a woman that is successful and full of ambition, so I see no problem with you wanting the same. The thing is, money won't make a person attractive, but the lack of it can make a life with them impossible and therefore unattractive. There is nothing wrong with how you feel.

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

    Some men are bothered by it for one of two reasons:

    - they have a crappy job and it hurts that women man care

    - they were raised being told men and women are basically the same. Since they never consider how much money a woman makes, it strikes them as being very materialistic to care.

  • It's not terrible in itself, but people nowadays see wanting someone with a good job as materialistic and that's usually looked at badly. Plus it might hint to them that you would either be unwilling or unable to get a good job yourself so you want to rely on a man. But then again, I don't generally think that people think that finding someone with a good job is bad, I mean mothers usually encourage their daughters to "find a good guy with a respected job like a doctor or a lawyer.", which doesn't exactly say "a job that earns a lot of money.", but those two professions make more money than most other jobs. Also people might think that you consider a person who doesn't have a good job as unworthy of you, making you "high and mighty".

    • I don't know about other girls but I'm pretty confident that I will get a decent job after graduation, the thing is though ideally I would start to have a family at some point, only work part time then... my career would become secondary then and my family priority.

    • That's the thing though, in a situation where a person doesn't know about your aims, then just saying I want a guy with a good job will usually either sound to them like you want to spend your days being lazy or that you want to be the classical housewife, which are nowadays frowned up by some.

  • Jobs are hard to come by, maybe a low paying job is hard t get. Like myself, I was almost making 19 an hour. (good for AZ.) and quit to go back to school. I now make minimum wage. Just because a guy doesn't have a good paying job, doesn't mean he's a bad guy. And sounds like you do want his money.

    • well you're in college, that's a different thing. And I never said he was bad guy if he doesn't make a lot of money

  • Depends of what you define as 'a good job'.

    Unemployed is one thing, but would you go for a really talented but broke musician?

    Or what about a lawyer/doctor that only works charity cases and makes no money?

    And what about... An unemplyed millionaire (inheritance)?

    Do you care about the money, or the fact that a guy has a decent job? Because if it is purely the money, I think that is a bad thing.

    • well I'd rather not date a millionaire living of his inheritance but I guess it wouldn't be a deal breaker as long as he does something. As for the lawyer/doctor I guess it depends, as long as he still has decent amount of money for himself it's fine. I mean doctors usually have 6 figure salary that's more than you need, so if he "gives aways" some of it in one way or the other that's fine.

      I'd prob not date the broke musiscian because

    • A - I'm not really into musicians in the first place, B- if becoming a superstar is his life plan that shows a lack realism and C - it is at least partly about money. It's not the one or the other. Yes of course having a good job or doing tons of charity shows tons of good qualities but money is also part of it, for reasons I outlined in my question

  • Because there are many people with low paying jobs that contribute to society through working hard.

    Is it wrong for it to be a factor in dating? I don't think so. But don't expect to be candidate for "Most Wholesome and Understanding Girlfriend."

  • Because it's an unfair double standard... almost all guys don't care what kind of job their girlfriend has, so why should she judge him based on what he does for a living?

    See, it comes down to looking for things in others that you possess yourself. When a girl wants a guy with a GOOD job (not just any job, but one that makes money and has prestige) and she is still living with her parents, she has no credibility to go judge a guy. She's got some nerve to want a doctor when she's a cashier...

    • Well as I said I'm working hard on getting a good degree and a good job later on and I expect a guy to do the same

    • That's great. Good for you. But in the meantime, don't go for a guy that already has his sh*t together.

  • It;s not such a bad thing. To be honest when they complain they are probably self--conscious of themelves.

  • I think that's cool as long as it's not viewed as so terrible that I (a guy with a good job) want a girl with a smoking hot body who loves sexing me up.

    • i don't think it's wrong that guys want to be with someone attractive. However I didn't say I want millionaire, so if you're looking VS model good look. There is lots of in between unempolyed and millionaire or ugly and absolutley gorgous

    • Show All
    • well you said that kind of girl wasn't common. And the step from a good degree program to a good job is not as far as you think. In my programm last years avg starting salary was 50K with 95% employment rate. If you got a good degree and a bit of ambition you should be fine

    • I think both are about equally rare, actually. It used to be the case that a good degree was all but a guarantee of a solid career. Now, not so much.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think guys who think it's so terrible to want a guy who has a reasonable income either...

    1. Don't have a reasonable income themselves

    2. Lack ambition and are generally unsuccessful with jobs. *They don't want to get off their butt and make more money*

    3. Have dealt with a gold-digger and are unfairly taking it out on other females by judging them for not just being oh so crazy about a guy with a sad bank account

    There is nothing wrong with wanting a guy who has money. While there is something wrong with being a selfish, inconsiderate, sleazy, b*tchy gold-digger who specifically searches for guys because of their money, there is nothing wrong at all with being OPEN AND HONEST about the reality that you'd prefer to date a guy with a good job/decent income. This world is expensive. A comfortable, exciting life in 2012 is not cheap. You are in my age range and I don't blame you for raising your expectations in men. Especially if you plan to raise a family with the guy one day. He needs to pull his own weight so that you're not stressed out providing for HIM as well as your kids.

    Women don't want to date unemployed men because life without money is hard. It's even harder if you're constantly having to cover someone because they don't have the money of their own to pay for food or pay for fun stuff. Money isn't top priority, but it is significant.

  • All the points you made we're the ones I was gonna mention. Guys need to have a decent. Job and guys who say "Why don't more girls date unemployed guys" is just an excuse to not find work. We live in a Capitalist society where you need money for everything and people work that's just how it goes. Stop being lazy and find a job. To those men who send their resumes and put applications in to jobs by the tens maybe by the hundreds, those men I will understand. But to these men who apply at one place and it doesn't get them anywhere, just need to grow up.

  • I think its terrible to want a boyfriend. period. deal with / take responsibility for yourself. if you already need someone to have a good job for you, then I'm sure there kinks and corners in your own life you can straighten ot.

    anyways if you want someone with a good job, then get a good job. problem solved and you're not controlling anyone else.

    fight for maternity leave instead f trying to control what your boyfriend does. why do you accept being denied a right to have kids without living in poverty. but then on the other hand insist its the guys fault. its not his fault you don't have maternity pay. YOU want kids. you need maternity pay. that's the issue. not the guys job.

    • wow slow down, you read a lot of stuff into this that I didn't say. I'm sure I will get a good job after graduation, not that worried there. But at some point I'd rather work part time only and be with my kids the rest of the time.

      I do argue for maternaty leave but let's be real chances are it's gonna change early enough for me so you have to come up with alternatives. I'm not saying it's fault but if he wants kids his income will have to be enough for when I don't have one, that's just a fact

    • There is nothing wrong with her wanting a partner to help support her when she's having their children. Has it occured to you that she wouldn't be using him, because he wants it too? It's called a working partnership and what she's asking for is very reasonable. It's not terrible to want a BF, it's NORMAL. She's in college, so obviously taking responsibility for her own self. Expecting her Boyfriend to care for her during pregnancy/maternity is not controlling, he should be there for that!