#LoveYourself
VALENTINE'S DAY

boyfriend going out with other girl on Valentine’s? Help.:(?

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) and I have been together for more than 1 and a half year. He has never been a real fan of holidays like valentine, which I respect.
On Sunday, we got back from an amazing weekend together. I asked him if I could come to him on valentine’s eve to spend the night together (he studies in a different city). He said it would be a busy day because he would be working on his paper, so that he would come to me on Thursday. Fair enough.
Today, I texted him to ask how his day was an what his plans were. He told me that later tonight, he might go out to dinner with an old friend of him, Lauren (female, never met her). She asked him to, because he helped her writing a paper a year ago. He told me he was still hesitating, because he was low in time.
A little recap of our conversation through text:

me: that’s weird, I thought you didn’t have enough time tonight.

he: that’s what I said.

Me:but you’re still hesitating on going?

He:damn babe, jealous much?
And yes I’m thinking about it because it would cost me the same amount of time as cooking for myself. It all depends on how much progress I’m making tonight.

Me: I wouldn’t like it if you planned something with another girl even though you told me that tonight would be too busy to meet up. Has nothing to do with jealousy, that’s just unfair.

Him: Ok I will cancell it. No problem.

me: Do you understand why that feels wrong to me?

Him: damn babe, you sound condenscending. My action should have showed you I understand already.
No need to turn this into a learning experience for me, Iike I’m a 5-yo. In stead of saying ‘thanks I feel better with that decision. ‘

Me: I see you as an equal and didn't want to turn this into a condenscending remark. But it’s important for me to know if you just cancelled the plans to avoid an argument, or that you really understand my point.

I’m seeing him tommorrownight, what should I do? Or what do you all think? Was this a condenscending remark?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Let him know how much consideration he was lacking. Tell him, "if you felt I was being condescending it's cause you know exactly what the issue was that I was addressing."

    You throw a bone your dog is supposed to catch it. That's just semantics. He's not a dog. But he's still to catch that bone and determine what's of it. A possibility was there, he didn't give possibility a chance. That's his error his issue. Not your problem, not a problem.
    Let him know you're beyond it but hope he will be more considerate next time.

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    • Thanks for your comment. The first part feels really true to me.
      However, I didn’t really understand the last part, can you explain it different maybe? (English is not my first language so I don’t know all expressions)

Most Helpful Girl

  • He TOLD you what he was planning? That was wrong of him. Very wrong!

    He should have asked, instead, if it was OK. Even better, he should have asked YOU to dinner. It would not have taken up any more time. If he had to work, then at least you could have had the night together.

    I think he has treated you very badly!

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    • He owes her nothing. If he doesn't like her he shouldn't be forced to date her. He has the right to say no to her.

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    • @Cnight SMH! Just a girlfriend? When it might be the basis for a life long relationship? Mate, you have some damned cockeyed ideas! Let us leave it to the asker to come to her own conclusion!

    • It's a shaky basis for a life-long relationship. She needs to build on a good foundation of self-confidence and self-love before projecting all that moop on some poor unfortunate soul looking for Mrs. Right. Don't make people choose between their friends and you because unless they're family you're going to lose.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • You are acting like a crazy ex-girlfriend and the way you are approaching this is making him run away harder. You are not his wife or his momma. If he doesn't want you there don't go. You are making drama where there doesn't need to be. He shouldn't have to explain himself and if you make him explain, he's likely to walk away. Just as he should. Quit being crazy.

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    • Sorry you didn't like that. Truth hurts.

    • Now I'm curious what the outcome was now that a few days have passed.

  • I don't think it was a condescending remark. But he should of thought more about your feelings and put himself in your shoes to see how it would feel from your point of view. I think he should have been trying to use that time with you not her. Your more important and he should have met with the other girl some other day.

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  • If he doesn't celebrate holidays and was just eating dinner I don't think it's sketchy. If he thought he could have a quick bite and go home after it's different than if you traveled. He would feel obligated to spend time with you other than just dinner. Just my perspective

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    • Ok but I didn't want to celebrate valentine together, I just wanted to spend some limited time together and cook for him. I dont think it would have been a quick bite, since he stated she invited him to a nice restaurant.

    • Go with your gut then. If he hasn't done anything shady before give him benefit of the doubt. If he has then it's probably a repeat

  • Yeaaaaah. As another person stated. He's gaslighting. Starting a fight out of you voicing your feelings. Not okay. Try to explain it to him but guys like that usually don't change :/

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  • I feel like I know this Lauren! Is your boyfriend in North Carolina with Lauren?

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  • No, he should have put 2 and two together.. on Valentine's day. With some random bitch. I mean honestly. That's really rude.

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  • Your boyfriend is an idiot, and is everything wrong with people today with their stupid ideas about relationships today. It's valentines day and he's going out with another girl alone, of course you're gonna be jealous and wonder what's going on. And then he turns it back onto you as if you're the one who's out of order, rather than trying to understand you. If it wasn't condescending it should have been, because he's being stupid.

    www.lolboom.net/.../...ID-PEOPLE-STUPID-3okf15.jpg

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  • He should have already known that was a dick move. Sounds like his eyes might be starting to wander.

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  • He told you he was cancelling with her. There really wasn't a need to take it any further.

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  • I would be careful with this one. If he is in another city, he can be doing all kinds of stuff with you not around. If he is getting upset because you are upset, then he is trying to turn it around on you (not good).
    You are both still young and maybe he is still learning what he should and should not be doing. Taking another girl out on V-day after telling you he was too busy? Hmmm, lots of yellow and red flags on that one.
    Good luck, be smart and use your head not your heart on what is best for YoU.

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    • Thanks for the MHO. I hope you have decided what is right for you... not him either. Good luck.

  • I think he was in the wrong. You are not being condescending. He should have understood how suspicious it is to see another woman on Valentine's Day.

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    • Sorry bruv but no. We all understand he blew off his lady then reneged on the idea of seeing someone on what should be too busy of a day. She has a right to seek verification of his understanding. It's something i do when people lack the consideration of possibility. If it was later possible for a girl to look into securing a potential opening he should have had that thought when his woman brought it up. Also she could have simply been there for him whenever he became available. Condescending maybe but when you lack the decency it takes for an adult to have consideration that issue will be addressed.

  • I just read your main title, nothing more leave him. He is playing you.

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    • The fun part is in the text body. Maybe you should read more...

  • Well, settle down, rushing things don't work too well!

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    • What do you mean by rushing things?

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    • Sorry I've had this happen before I got married. I'm hanging out with a female friend of mine who just so happened to be my brother's fiance. I had crazy girlfriend roll up and making a scene because she thought I was cheating. I dumped her right there. If she doesn't trust you now she's always going to be suspicious. OP I think you need to learn to love yourself first and to not be insecure in your relationship. He should not have to choose between his friends and you.

    • Yup, right bro, thus conveys our message!..

  • Dump his sorry ass.

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  • You really need to talk to him

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  • He is trying to play you.

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  • He sounds like an idiot

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  • Honestly I think he is wandering, be careful.

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  • Don't worry you will find good guy and go with him

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What Girls Said 1

  • wow , sounds like you need to have a good talk with him really. Jealous much? thats what he said? what he wants you to feel? wow ,

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    • he's gaslighting you. run as fast as you can you can find better or ignore him and he will run back to you if he really likes you

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