Search Results: ask pregnancy questions

Voltaire once said, "I do not believe in what you say but I will fight to the death your right to say it."

That is why even though I am a black chick I would never try to have the likes of Rush Limbaugh pushed off a radio. 1. All it does is make him a Martyr 2. The fan base who believes what he does will exist with or without him.

That said, I had a recent thread where I was called a psycho and paranoid and pathetic just because I preached the idea that both men and women should be responsible for their own body's when it came to sex and procreation. We are all the guardians of our own bodies, right?

My argument was that a man should never claim to be trapped per se if he has sex without a condom since we all know how babies are made. The fact that some girls may attempt to get pregnant on purpose is a double reason to keep it wrapped.

At one point the gent asked me if I felt that way with long term relationships. I said yes--even in a marriage becasue birth control is not fool proof and you can not always count on the fidelity of a lover.

Mind you--I did not say that all people will cheat--just never assume an individual won't do something of that nature--especially if health or potential parenthood are at stake. It was a small point that was an aside not the issue itself.

Well instead of answering my questions regarding the potential of birth control methods to fail even when one is being careful--he and an offline friend of his I suppose-- start trashing me as someone who thinks everyone cheats folks and that I lead a pathetic, paranoid life.

Uhm--not even. In every relationship I had the guys were all treated with trust. Some cheated , some did not but I never made them pay for the mistakes of the previous male before him. In fact, most wanted me back when our relationship ended.

I am also currently in a marriage with a beautiful man in body and spirit--I trust him with my soul but would never deign to say what he would or would not do--no man can make that claim about anyone.

Do I trust him. Yes. Do I also know he is human and can fall. Yes. It is not something I worry about, just acknowledge.

That was my only point.

Paranoid? Dude was practically preaching that all unwanted pregnancies were because of women wanting to trap men--who as being paranoid here?

There are accidents and there are those who trap--so keep it wrapped...lol...

I just think I struck a chord--something that he did not want to face or accept, which is a simple fact of life as we are all ultimately responsible for our own choices in life.

Some people cannot accept that but calling me names does not change this fact.

Most folks on G.A.G are very good about disagreeing but why do some just go off on an individual publicly because they disagree?

I am crying as I write this and while I want to say it is pregnancy hormones I must say that it is deeper than that.

It is because, through a wonderful girl on here, I came to a great epiphany.

For so long I was angry about things I couldn’t change. I wanted to heal the world and save everyone in it. I go sooo frustrated when I could see people heading on paths of destruction and sadness--even more frustrated when these folks would meet the consequences for their actions and blame the world despite reasonable advice.

I felt that, I could show the world my bleeding scars--the hard lessons I learned--I could save them from pain and hurt.

And when people wouldn't see--I felt like I failed them.

What was I doing?

Trying to reach some form of Salvation through helping others -- was this merely a selfish in pursuit.

Partly--but I do have a great love for humanity and a desire to see us heal. I also hope that we will one day evolve to a greater enlightenment and be of one accord--and see the path to love one another deeply and without shame.

Love yes, is the only answer.

But as my Sister correctly pointed out, I can reach out to those who ask, be happy within my self and try not to feel responsible for those who wallow in bitterness and hate as solace for their mistakes.

I have actually be wrestling with this for months--I wanted to let go of so many ghosts--of feelings of being a failure when I couldn't stop people I loved from hurting. Now my wise and beautiful friend has calmed that voice of blame that haunted me with her careful words and I feel freed.

Although agnostic, it is times like this that I feel there is a God as this Messenger answered a question I did not even know how to voice.

Today, I see that while I can reach out--this is not my job and if I try and fail that it is okay--it just was not meant. I will no longer let the world rob me of joy.

My job is to simply be there to guide those who seek guidance from me and to wish well for those who may be struggling to find their own answers and get misled a bit.

So, I may not need to come on here as often or to offer advice as much because I feel a bit more…I dunno--at peace. Seek me if you will to that end my loves -- because I do want to give love to those who want to feel loved...

But I also know that I will slowly be releasing the demons of my own self doubts as I come to the realization that all forms of love, including the love of self--is an answer as well..

Believe it or not, I have even run into men who think this way too (this one friend of mine in particular comes to mind. He was so in love with his girl that he kept trying to get her to get off birth control so they could have an "accident". Yeah, they broke up.)...

But usually it is the woman who falls prey to this type of faulty thinking.

Now, I just asked a question in relation to men trying to claim they were trapped when they do not use protection during sex and a pregnancy results.

To that end I say, guys, do not leave your reproductive destiny to anyone, least of all the woman you are sleeping with. By using a condom keep it wrapped so you don't get trapped.

But as far as chicks go, how fair is it to bring a child in the world as a means to an end? The child will come with needs and responsibilities that go far beyond your agendas.

A wise woman once told me that when a marriage is strong a baby will strengthen it--when it is weak, a child will only destroy it.

My hubby and I are a case in point. We were crazy in love before the baby and when she did come he was overjoyed--she has filled our lives with pure joy and I have never seen a more doting father or a stronger father/daughter relationship.

On the flipside, if a marriage or relationship is crumbling, do you think a crying, wailing, financially draining bundle of energy is gonna make things better?

There are so many unwanted children in the world--how many times will we turn on the TV and hear about some child being killed by their parents?

Stop the madness. Bring a child into a loving strong and vibrant relationship--don't have a kid in attempt to "save" something that may be doomed to begin with...

It's not fair to the child, to you or to your man.

Some things just come to an end--let the relationship die a merciful death, work on yourself a bit, then try to find a man who will love to have kids as much as you do. In that way, you can provide an loving healthy environment for that child to thrive.