Want Real Love? Slap Your Demons

LuvLee2010
As a advice columnist and published author I joined GirlsAskGuys a while back as felt I would weigh in on my personal thoughts on relationships and hopefully provide food for thought for people struggling with the things I once did. I became a bit disillusioned in this pursuit, stopped and have since found new directions to pour my ideas and thoughts namely in the form of romantic, sexy animation.

(for the curious my animated erotica can be found here: www.spiritgumluv.com)

But I dunno, for some reason, GirlsAskGuys kept calling me back and I suppose it was for the very reason I left.

I was starting to realize that at the heart of a lot of issues in interpersonal relationships is the failure for people to smell their own crap so to speak.

We currently live in a society that makes everything the other guy's fault. This fact has carried over into relationships. Thing is, when we place blame for our own choices(cause at end of the day no one MAKE us do anything unless a gun is placed to our heads, and even then we have the choice to do as told or to die with honor.) And yet, for some ungodly reason we make OTHER the scapegoat for everything.

Example--as a black female, I am often chagrined at how often the black community will rally around a black celebrity who has done wrong with the excuse that a woman/white man/society did something to him.

To that end I ask the question "When is the black man ever responsible for his own actions"?

But to be fair this question can be asked of all of us.

The last time I was on here, I had a couple of heated debates that were a result of this very topic. In once I wrote about how, even if a guy feels he was tricked, he should take responsibility for a pregnancy because, in the end, his action, i.e.., the decision to have sex more than likely without protection, led to the consequence of procreation. Without his sperm there would be no bambino and that child is innocent and not to blame for the actions of the mother.

"Well, what if they guy decides to not use a condom cause he was with the girl for the three years and she tried to trap him ?"

To that end I say that once the wrapper goes off there is always the chance that a pregnancy can occur--even with the best of intentions. I then recounted the tale of my father's own demise from HIV/AIDS in 2004 and how one should probably play it safe and use a condom more often than not with sexual encounters on the in case a partner is unfaithful.

The man then started saying I thought everyone was a cheater and I had trust issues-- Sadly, this individual did not realize the irony of his own words.

It wasn't like I was proposing, for example, the idea that hordes of ladies were running around trying to trick guys into pregnancy like he was.

Pregnancy is a natural by product of sexual activity--it happens...

I encountered a few other malcontents who had chosen to find their anger targets and wrestled them a bit as well. Man, try grasping the safety blankets of blame from their clawed angry hands and you will have quite a tussle.

The nastiness rest on both sides....

Men are all dogs. Women are all rhymes with witches.

But I suppose when the problem is OTHER one never has to look in the mirror.

What has this to do with love?

Everything.

I am an imperfect being--by acknowledging this I was able to work on some things that hindered my ability to find love. And today--I am very happily married with 2 beautiful kids--I feel as if I live in a fairy tale with a man I couldn't even ever dreamed--beautiful kind, masterful, sensual, a terrific father-- a man who stands up for his morals and accepts responsibility for his own state of being.

He continuously teaches me and amazes me.

I often tell him that the day he dies, I will only be one day behind him...

I adore him....

I am lucky, but if I had gone the road of anger, bitterness and selfishness--I would have never found him--or he me cause I would have given off my spiritual sickness and ran off such a gentle and wonderful being.

Granted, he is no saint. He can be moody and temperamental as can I, but then when it comes to love, it isn't about perfection, but acceptance.

Within reason of course (love shouldn't hurt physically or mentally...mental and physical abusers have to go...)

Do not go into the default human reaction of blaming the world for our failures or the choices we make. If you chose a girl who broke your heart--don't take it out on the next girl--learn from it and make a better choice.

We are the sum of our experiences and choices--accepting this is what keeps us out of the clock tower picking off college students with a shotgun....

Can we be victimized? Sure. Everyday some trusting innocent is being ravaged by an aggressor. In the criminal world they will reap their reward. In the figurative spiritual world, even more so.

Yes, we can be victimized...but we don't have to be victims.

We can learn, grow, and continue to give love. Eventually, the one who wants to give love back will find you.

Indeed, I am imperfect and there are many things I do not know, even more I am struggling to accept, but one thing I do know, is that sure as the sky is blue, the selfish angry and bitter never find the essence of love.

The only way to avoid these traps is to learn and grow from our mistakes.

I am not going to post another article here as I frankly will not have time with my animation growing but I felt compelled to come here as I do believe I am here to give this message to someone...

But hey--if you are hurting confused and just need an ear--drop me a line any time it luv@spiritgumluv.com...

Blessed Be and One Luv....
Want Real Love? Slap Your Demons
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