Search Results: felt guilt

I'm going to share a couple things I've deliberately done. I didn't feel bad for all of them.

- Age 7: I did deliberately hurt a small lizard on two separate occasions out of curiosity. The first time I cut off a small part of its tail; felt bad and let it go. The 2nd time, I put one next to a hot lightbulb for 2 seconds and watched it move like crazy. Once again, I felt bad and let it go. Instead I would collect as many as I could, put them in a jar with holes and feed them.

- Grade school and 12th grade: I cheated on some tests and always felt I've gotten away with it; didn't care. Sometimes I just didn't feel like studying the material or felt it just wasn't worth it. The only time I felt bad after getting away with it was when I cheated on a college exam. The guilt was so much to the point I never cheated on a single exam again.

- 12th grade incident: I stole a couple extra credit tickets to get an A in the class. The French teacher found out. When she explained how I hurt her, caused her a headache and even made her cry last night, I didn't care. Within me, I just felt like laughing because I thought it was an overreaction.

- I was a former kleptomaniac all the way till age 17. I stopped when I wasn't a minor anymore.

I can think of a couple times, which I didn't feel bad at all:

- Cheating on some exams during my school years. If I ever got caught then I was smarter next time. I only cheated once in a college and got away with it but this time I felt some guilt and never did it again.

- In 12th grade: took home someone's biology project, copied it (changed some of the wordings and pictures on my paper) and returned with both the student's and my paper. We both got either an A or B.

- 12th grade incident with French teacher: She found out I would either borrow from others or steal extra credit tickets to get more A's. As she was explaining how I hurt her, gave her a headache and even made her cry that day, I listened in silence and didn't care. All I was thinking of was ''Big deal, they're just worthless tickets... oh well at least I got away with it before''.

- Used to be a kleptomaniac during my mid teen years and would have kept doing it until I got caught eventually on cams. No arrest though but my parents had an embarassed look on their faces.

This is minor in comparing to someone that's really on the end of the spectrum but can genetics explain this?
My father used to be a school bully (he and his friends once left a boy with just underwears, hung his clothes on a tree and left laughing) and enjoyed it. Several years ago during a reunion, he was bragging about it and till this day doesn't feel bad about it.

My father's older sister was worse: When she was 15, she grabbed a knife and ripped her sister-in-law's couch for no reason other. She found it funny seeing her sister-in-law cry about it. Her parents and her half-sister knew about it but it was excused as typical teenage stage. As an adult, she once tried to make her daughter-in-law sick but her son switched plates; he ended up with a stomach ache and diarrhea for a couple days. She used to enjoy causing emotional distress towards others.

I cried this morning when a mother of two girls opened about about her son's gender DISAPPOINTMENT. The first thing that crossed my head wasn't sadness in the beginning. I felt relieved for not being a boy. and that made me feel sad after had said"thank God I'm a girl" at that moment after saying that I felt a heavy feeding of guilt. which made me ended up crying. Now , Am I still happy that I'm a girl don't get me wrong. But boys have always been Part of a girls life and a woman's life for so long. We feed them (I bath my baby brother) we clothes them.. boy children make us laugh. make us cry give us happiness and headaches. I can't imagine a life without male kids in it. Their fart jokes. Their silliness. why do us women feel that way about our sons? Was he a disappointment? how did you get over it? It still hurts to hear parents talk about it. since there's no others that the boys can turn to for comfort. If I were a boy I'd kill myself. but thank God I'm not.(no offense guys)