Search Results: anxiety disorder

I was often beaten by my parents and most of the time I didn’t do something wrong to be beaten as I was well behaved but stubborn. They often planned together in front of me that they will hit me then both would start using things to beat me like bamboo sticks, hoover sticks, metal rods, wire hangers etc. They used to also hit my younger sister and brother sometimes and once my sister complained at the school for which she received a further beating. sometimes I feel pangs of hatred mainly towards my mum who raised us after my dad left. She’d often tell us that we ruined her life for being born and that “your dad is a dog and he left his dog kids with me.” Once she hit me in my sleep with a hoover stick when I was twelve repeatedly to wake me up and since then I hated her. My mother said scarring things that made me permanently lose respect for her and neglected my youngest brother when he was a baby so me and my sister had to raise him even though we were still babies ourselves. She used to get angry and break stuff all the time and then I would have to clean it up and when we were small she never used to clean the house - it was a wreck. Her and her brothers used to talk crap about our dad and say we’ll be like him and they used to tell her “these kids won’t take care of you.” They were so disgusting. I could never imagine ever doing that to a child. I know this isn’t the worst case of child abuse and there are worse but it still damaged me and I have bulimia nervosa (have done since I was nine), I have been clinically depressed since I was eight and diagnosed with high levels of anxiety and social anxiety disorder at 12. All that manifested into borderline personality disorder and then body dysmorphia. My mum always denies the abuse now because she seems a different person and people think I’m crazy. Only my siblings know the truth because they saw it and everyone plays down what happened. She says “if I hit you how did you get this big? How are you still alive?”