Search Results: writing a poem for him

I'm trying really hard to be brave enough to not go anonymous. So I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't judge me. Thank You

Sooo I know that every single person on GAG, has been/felt upset, alone, angry,sad, frustrated, hated, unloved, even the feeling of absolutely nothing. Its all different feelings of derision and so much more.

My question is how far have you gone, with trying to cope with it. Anywhere from counseling to suicide, or just keeping to yourself.

I want honest answers, and please DON'T JUDGE OTHERS!

I want to know why did you feel this way, and if it is occurring right now or in the past.

I'm not going to lie, I have been many times. Guess it started after puberty. I started making horrible decisions. Lying to my mom, staying out late, giving out my # to strangers, phone sex.

I started writing depressing poems, crying and yelling all the time.

I never harmed myself like cutting, well then again maybe I did. I would scratch the mess out of my arm leaving scars. I never made myself bleed, or cut myself, but I did consider it.

Yes, suicide has even popped up in my head, but I just had to think is it worth it. I've never attempted it. I'm not going to lie I beat myself up pretty hard emotionally.

I have no clue why. I felt unattractive, unloved, like I didn't have friends, like my existence doesn't matter. Then there's issues with school, boys, "friends", grades, and I'm just about always sick. So I also popped a lot of pills to try to get rid of the pain. (not enough to kill me, but more than what is prescribed) by the way I don't get it, I swear it really doesn't help, at all!

So yeah, I'm just being honest. Why should I lie, and say that I've never felt like that. Why should I act like this hadn't occurred. It happens to the best of us.

So what's your story?

I'm not going to lie I have many times in between age 12 through 14. I was going through a lot of stuff besides puberty of corse. I always seemed sad, when I wanted to talk just about everyone didn't want to listen.

I would have to say my one close friend, music, and my dog were my best friends. Writing depressing poems, listening to music, and scratching the mess out of my arm was how I coped with the pain. Oh, and these random guys I met online always seemed to cheer me up (yes I know talking to strangers was stupid, it's in the past)

I started to make bad decisions which eventually I got caught and that's when I finally told my mom what I was going through.

That phase ended as I got older, but of course I still get depressed every once in a while, but it's nothing like the past.

I would like to know what you went/ are going through. How do/did you deal with it?

HOW DO/DID YOU COOE?!?!?

My ex-boyfriend ended our three-month relationship about three weeks ago. In a nutshell, he has become overwhelmed with school and work. He acknowledged that he still has feelings for me and that I'm the best girlfriend he has ever had, but also that I'm not "the one" he's willing to sacrifice other aspects of his life for.

Initially, I took it well. I was incredibly miserable for about two weeks, then we re-established contact. But I relapsed and told him I could never see or talk to him again.

He reacted very strongly, as if I had broken up with him, and quickly contacted me asking me to talk to him again. I gave in pretty easily... and we have been back to friends.

As friends, we flirt. We "click" just as well as we used to. We're happy, we laugh, we even make jokes about our old relationship. Frequently, he tells me how much he misses me and how sometimes he pretends I'm next to him to feel better. He's getting a new car, and he's always telling me how excited he is to drive me around and hang out with me. I have trained myself now to ignore his advances, and sometimes to even reprimand him.

Once I got really pissed he kept sending me sappy love songs and said, "Either get back together with me or shut up." and he said "I'll shut up." I've made it clear that a physical relationship of any kind other than a long-term commitment is out of the question.

Well... here's the thing. I know I'm not over him, but I really enjoy his friendship and don't want to go NC. BUT, recently I've started crying over him again, and today I got really, really angry realizing that I wrote him love letters and poems, but he has never given me a single piece of personalized writing.

So...

Should I tell him how I've realized that he never was a good boyfriend and I'm glad we broke up... and then cut off contact.

OR

Should I tell him that, but maintain contact because we're friends now and it doesn't matter to me anymore if he's a good boyfriend or not.