Search Results: boyfriend raped me

Hi
Here are some things about me :

Animals:
Horses, dogs, doliphins, I also like other animals as well like zebras and etc. The only animals I dislike is : snakes, spiders and etc

Colors: I love all colors..

Allergic to : cats, and cigattee smoke

Activites: riding horses , and listening to music , helping animals and others

What I look like : brown wavy/ curly hair with brown eyes and im white.( I shaved my hair out of depression and it sucks.. so now I'm trying to regrow it )

Country/city girl : I was born in the city.. i moved to the country last year in Oct. And still getting used to it..
One day I would love to be a country girl

What my past was like:
It was bad horrible.. I barley know any school. I barely got to do anything. I don't really have friends. Never got to do any sports or anything. I was abused, assaulted, domestics violence and so much more.
There is so much more to my past.

Children : I had a miscarriaged at 6wks ( raped by my stepdad and he got me pregnant )

Religion : Christian
Right now I am trying to get back with Jesus

SO:Yes I have a boyfriend

Music: Christian , rock , pop , country , hip-hop

Siblings: yes I have 2 brothers that are alive and they are in elementary school. And yes I am the oldest. My mother had 2 miscarriages twin girls and 1 boy

Counseling : yes I wish I had someone to talk to.. so it can help me

Diagnosed with : ptsd , trauma , trauma to head, and I do have blackouts ( unexpectedly) and I do have depression

If u want anymore info feel free to ask me anything. . or leave your opinion

If you like to be my friend please leave an opinion and or follow me and I'll follow u

when I was in the past here is just some things that had happened :
Molested by my step dad ( decased )
Raped by my step dad ( got pregnant lost my baby 6wks due to my mother punching me in the stomach )
Abused
Neglect
Etc
I do have these : ptsd and there is a good possible chance I have trauma and trauma to the head

Well my boyfriend and I have been together since last August of 2017 . And I moved in with him in Oct 2017 . Well from Oct 2017 to June everything was great.. Yeah we had our up and downs but we work it out. In July I went to my grandparents house they were supposed to get me help but instead they tried to break us up and so much more.. well my boyfriend told me yesterday ( and I had a hard time seeing it ) that i been bringing down the relationship extremely fast... I had no clue I didn't even see it.
He and I know I need help.. he is not giving up on me he loves me extremely much once I get help we Will move forward with our relationship but the thing is :
There is a lot of things going on right now but one of them is this :
I barely trust anyone and when i see someone new I barely talk... I am shy.. and can't open easily ( my boyfriend is the first one I trust and open to )

While we are looking for some help for me is there anyway that I can try to help myself? And help our relationship etc. Weather it is journaling etc?

If so please tell me..
If you were in my shoes and you were looking for help but still looking and in the meantime you want to try to help yourself and your relationship.. how would you do it , what would you do..