Search Results: complicated relationships

I met my boyfriend at a language exchange social in August 2019 and we had a long, intense, online romance for about a month before I let him meet with me again. Once we started meeting in October, the chemistry was so strong that we were officially girlfriend/boyfriend by the end of the month. I had never had a boyfriend before this-- I am extremely picky and believe that the person I am dating should be a person I could see myself marrying. This makes it extremely complicated especially in the beginning of a relationship, when you cannot predict the future and it comes to mind vs. heart and reason vs. passion. I know one cannot predict the future, but I want there to be at least a vision of the future on the horizon.

This is when I get doubts. He will say things like "we will have two weddings, one here and one in Saudi" but if I joke about it he is serious and becomes distant. He met my family and close friends, he tells me that he talks to his close friends about me (I facetimed one of his best friends back home, and one time he said his mom told him to said hi to me). I truly believe he loves me with all his heart. But he's practical, and I'm afraid that while he does love me, he will return to Saudi and break up with me because of our cultural differences.

At moments it seems we are polar opposites. Even our language reads in opposite directions-- left to right and right to left. I feel like we are the positive and negative space in artwork, severely juxtaposing each other but can only exist from this juxtaposition.

I feel like no one understands this situation. Please give me advice and a different perspective—am I naive to think this relationship could work?

I feel like my life is very sad and lonely to a lot of people. And they’re certainly right, it used to hurt more but I’ve become more content. I see people on social media all the time spending time with family and they do things together, friends and significant others etc. They don’t seem drama filled and everyone gets along so well, I feel like my life has been the opposite. I’m only in my mid twenties and can say that I’m always alone, I’m at the point where I know for a fact that I will never find love. Never been in a long term relationship, I don’t have any friends (online friends only but don’t count). I don’t talk to almost all of my family, I only speak to my parents and brothers. There’s been drama with most people I’ve called friends, workplaces, school life, family etc and I’ve just secluded myself. It’s become more bearable, at the point where

TL;DR:I am bitter and keep people at arms length. I was nicer and friendlier previously, drama happened. I’m to my self and what happens? Drama. I cannot win, people are just complicated and flawed. Am I just super unlucky? Or is this most people who seem to hide it better?