Search Results: meeting guys online

I've been in only one relationship before... And it ended pretty horribly so I must not know how to be a proper girlfriend yet. But anyways, this is my story so far.

Me and this guy got together on discord after meeting each other for a few days... I don't know why but I guess we really hit it off. He was the one to be shy whenever we met and friended each other. He came to the group chat I was on because he liked another girl which is my online bestfriend. I ain't going to say names because I don't know who's reading this...

So, anyways. Me and my friend did a reverse tug of war around him because we both cared so much about each other and how the other was feeling. And everytime I texted him... I just felt guilty until something happened. He thought my friend was married, so he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I responded with a yes...

The thing was that I couldn't manage to text him... Being way too shy. That's just how I am in a relationship for the first part. And he told me he was upset one time... But it was pretty vague so I had to keep trying to pick up on what he'd said.

That was until soon I told my other online friend who'm I trusted his word ever since the first time, he was gay. And I know people of all sexualities so I ain't meaning anything against it! Many gay people that I know are always so happy and fun to be around. So I didn't feel guilty going to him because I knew that he only cared about me as a friend.

And that's where I got my confidence to speak to my partner about all of this and apologize... And I do apologize a lot. Especially online because the first time you meet me is actually how I really am. I'm way too submissive and happy and... Caring also clingy. But it doesn't seem like he's going to open up... I've searched up so many things on how to help my boyfriend feel happy and all the stuff I could think about for dating. He seems to still like my Bestfriend which I still ship. What did I do wrong? Please tell me...

He went from being heads over heels for me and addicted (his words), discussing meeting my family and marriage, to breaking up suddenly. But he didn't ditch me/ghost afterwards and kept talking almost daily as he said he wanted us to stay friends and keep me close (we still talk 9 months after the break up although we had a phase where we didn't speak) but he keeps on saying we need to move on.

In his break up message he said that he was "Scared" , he said that he liked me and could still like me, but that he felt that there were too many obstacles (I assume he means the distance, and the fact that we are not ready for marriage because we're both students). That he didn't want to drag me for years without the certainty of marriage since he still needs 4 years or so before being able to get married. That he is scared my parents want me to marry someone from my country, and he is scared because so many men wanted me.

Some of the mistakes I've done as a woman when I think about the relationship retroactively:

- Once mentioned to him that my mom prefers me marrying someone from my country.
- Talked about other guys to make him jealous and get his attention (I'm immature i know). Turns out it made him insecure, i think.
- Told him about a guy who wanted to propose to me.

PS:
- We're both 24
- Both (religious) virgins waiting for marriage
- His religiosity often made him guilty over being overly sexually attracted to me
- It was an online relationship , we both live in Europe but in different countries.
- None of us has had a previous relationship.
- None of us dated or looked to date after the break up.

I don't want to give him up because I feel like we're soulmates (although I don't believe in the concept).