I found the real cause of Inceldom, and it seems worse than people realize!


An old NY Times article written in 1991 on 'Confirmed Bachelors' or never-married men age 40 or over. Basically, incels before the word incel became a word.

A psychologist did a (I think) longitudinal study on these guys to find out 'what makes them tick.'

I've copied and pasted the article below, but it turns out it is a mindset and collection of personality traits which cause this phenomena -- an aversion to relationships of any kind, avoidance and high levels of individualism coupled with unrealistic outlooks.

"Confirmed Bachelorhood: It May Be a State of Mind
By Sandra Blakeslee
Aug. 28, 1991

I found the real cause of Inceldom, and it seems worse than people realize!

Credit...The New York Times Archives
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August 28, 1991, Section C, Page 1Buy Reprints
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A PSYCHOLOGIST who studies the hearts and minds of confirmed bachelors over the age of 40 has advice for women who want to marry one: Forget it.

'If you get involved with a never-married middle-aged man, don't expect him to change,' said Dr. Charles A. Waehler, a psychologist at the University of Akron in Ohio who studied a group of white, heterosexual bachelors 40 to 50 years old. 'If you both value independence, it might be okay,' he said. 'But if you want marriage, stay away.'

Dr. Waehler, who presented his findings at a recent meeting of the American Psychological Association in San Francisco, found that these men are not woman-haters, they are not fixated on a parent, and they are not workaholics or wild playboys. But as a group, Dr. Waehler said, they relate to people in ways that end up isolating them.

Dr. Waehler said everyone has styles of behavior to help them cope with the anxieties that relationships can produce. But, he said, the bachelors exhibit three defense mechanisms -- avoidance, isolation and distortion -- that keep other people at arm's length. By staying single, the bachelors prevent these defense mechanisms from being challenged, he said.

Many never-married men are deeply satisfied with their lives as they practice these defenses, Dr. Waehler said. But others are miserable and would like to change but do not know how.

Comparable research on never-married women over 40 shows a dramatically different picture, according to Dr. Janice Witzel, a psychologist in private practice who is also a consultant at the Family Institute in Chicago. Such women are often extremely happy, she said, and have far richer emotional lives -- without marriage -- than do their male counterparts.

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Very little is known about never-married men and women, said Dr. Timothy Brubaker, editor of Family Relations journal and director of the Family and Child Study Center at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. It is important to study them because their perspectives on life are different from people who get married, divorced or widowed, he said, 'but we really don't know how different.' Singlehood on Upswing

Single adulthood is usually considered a transient state and has received scant attention from psychologists, Dr. Waehler said. But adults who do not marry are an expanding segment of the population. In 1980, he said, only 6 percent of adults over 35 years old had never married. In 1988, 8.7 percent of people of that age were single.

The trend may reflect increasing job and educational opportunities for women and changing social attitudes about the need for marriage, the psychologist said.
Dr. Waehler said he decided to study never-married men because so little is known about what makes them tick. Psychologists have long held that men tend to marry 'down,' choosing women who are less educated and socially privileged than they are, while women choose men who are higher on the socioeconomic ladder. In this scheme, Dr. Waehler said, unmarried men are the bottom of the barrel while unmarried women are the cream of the crop."


I found the real cause of Inceldom, and it seems worse than people realize!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • MrOracle
    Marriage and celibacy are very different things. I'm 50 and have never been married, but I've had long-term relationships and I've had sex with around 50 women. I'm unmarried by choice, but hardly sexless.

    You'll find that a great many self-described incels aren't willing to be in a relationship, but rather only want casual sex, and further, they only want the hottest girls. in my opinion, most of them are voluntarily celibate, in that they are unwilling to make any compromises to get sex, but don't bring nearly enough value to the table to get the kinds of women they want.

    They're like a guy who calls himself an involuntary pedestrian because he refuses to drive anything but a new V12 Ferrari. Even though he could afford a decent car, he refuses to be seen in anything but the Ferrari that he believes he is entitled to.

    Such men get zero sympathy from me.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Bluemax

      "in that they are unwilling to make any compromises to get sex"

      In many such cases, I think it's not that they're unwilling. They are unable. There are some for whom the only people available to them are people they simply cannot find attractive and would have to turn the lights down very low and think of someone else. Or endure sex that is repulsive. And yes, there is such a thing as repulsive sex.

      Please google Lizzy Velasquez. Ask yourself could you ever, through sheer force of will, find her physically attractive? If the answer is no, is that your fault?

      Some people can't even afford a decent car, much less a Ferrari. Granted, these people are rare, and most people who think they can't afford a decent car *can* afford one provided they work for it. Nevertheless, such people do exist. I've known my share of disfigured people and you are wrong to think they are unwilling. They simply are unable to fight half a billion years of evolution which has instilled in virtually every one of us who is alive, has ever lived, and will live, a drive for sex with someone who has the outward fertility and genetic health markers.

      Sex with someone you cannot be into is success on paper only.

    • MrOracle

      Yes, we both realize that such people exist - that SOME "incels" are genuinely beyond attracting a partner for sex - but this is a fairly small percentage of the people who identify as "incels." Most incels have the *potential* to attract a sex partner, but simply aren't willing to change their thinking, lower their unrealistic, sky-high standards, or do anything else to improve their chances of success.

  • Nalix
    We should probably note the difference between incel (wants to marry but can't) and MGTOW (doesn't want a relationship). Here's another perspective to consider.
    Is this still revelant?
    • "The man who doesn't join the military because it's not worth to risk his life"

      That's me.

      "The man who refuses to employ women because female employees are too dangerous"

      I approved hiring 2 women into my team and couldn't be happier with their performance and kindness. I enjoy interacting with them also.

      "The man who doesn't marry because family courts and divorce laws are stacked against men"

      That's me

      "The man who doesn't defend equal rights for women because women use equal rights to gain special rights"

      Nothing I have witnessed, so not applicable to me. Where I am women have some extra rights regarding maternity leaves and not being drafted into the military.

      Just wow. Where on earth have women evolved into monstrosities like MGTOW paints them to be?
      Women are part of my life.

    • I thought MGTOW didn't regulate whether an individual one pursues relationships or not.

    • Nalix

      MGTOW is about avoiding women to protect oneself, but the actual degree of avoidance varies widely. I for one, am happily married, but she doesn't speak much English. For me, it's a rebellion against the culture that says that women are angels and must be put on pedestals and protected.

      No. They are people, some good, some not, and shouldn't be treated as a group. Some women are worthy of my respect, and even my protection, others are not. Most are strangers who have no bearing on my life, just like men.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Bananaman177
    Of course there have always been these "confirmed bachelors."

    But it never used to be roughly 50-60% of the male population and 30-40% of the female population like it is now.

    Back in the day, this mindset was considered highly unusual and uncommon.
  • AdithyaR
    Interesting take.
    I believe the bottom of barrel and cream of crop attributes only mean in the dating aspect.
    Cause I plan to stay single and unmarried. I sure don't plan on being a bottom of barrel person and wish to make some considerable achievements in life.
  • The NYT article was a bit broad. Middle aged bachelors, even then, had relationships and kids. Incels are a breed of online brainwashing and groupthink on 4 Chan. Also, the rising equality of women is a factor. In fact, isn’t incel a direct effect from MeToo?
  • Dargil
    A "confirmed bachelor" is not involuntarily celibate. He's made a choice. I was voluntarily celibate for 18 months. Pussy was around but I wasn't interested.
  • Liam_Hayden
    "An old NY Times article written in 1991 on 'Confirmed Bachelors' or never-married men age 40 or over. Basically, incels before the word incel became a word."

    You clearly have no idea what the term actually means. Nothing there says that those unmarried men were virgins at all, let alone involuntarily so.
  • EnglundUberAlles
    This is both anecdotal and highly dubious. I personally know men and women who have married late in life and been very happy.

    If we're to express opinions as facts though my feeling is that male bachelors can be quite happy, while unmarried females tend towards the "crazy cat lady" stereotype.
  • ChefPapiChulo
    okay? that's not an incel, that's someone who just doesn't want to deal with crazy women. incels are the ones that want to bang girls but girls don't want to bang them. Like weird, ugly guys. girls can be incels too, but its more rare cause most guys have no standards.
  • NerdInDenial
    What was the study size and how did they conduct the study? What factors did they consider? What do they consider as happy?
  • esotericstory
    " Dr. Waehler said, unmarried men are the bottom of the barrel while unmarried women are the cream of the crop."

    Seems totally not biased...
  • That's not what incel means, if you choose to not get married and other stuff I don't think the definition categorises you as an incel.
  • imthatsteve
    Oof i guess im going to be an incel when i grow up.
    You have to remember this is outdated and a lot has changed since then.
  • zagor
    The word "bachelor" just seems like an icon from the 1950's.
  • 0oGreyo0
    Incel are men who don't have dads. And don't go to the gym or have a career
  • sp33d
    Don't have to get married to have sex.
  • Anonymous
    Me thinks watching the Joker movie explains it much better.
  • Anonymous
    That’s not the same thing. Never-married doesn’t mean incel.

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