Search Results: the urge to look at guys

I had some 8 month relationship with a girl, who had a very disturbing and a really troubled past. It wasn't a relationship really. I was just a friend. In the beginning I didn't view her as a potential girlfriend and didn't even look forward it. Long story short - I became aware that she doesn't trust me anymore, nor she has ever trusted. Every bit of information was gathered by me - she didn't feel the urge to confess in something. She always hid very important details and never shared them with other people. She also had a guy whi was friend zoned, but who was desperately in love with her. Later she had sex with him couple of times and he paid for it. (She needed money)... When I found this out, she lied to me, that he was giving her money just because he loved her and she just couldn't refuse to accept it. She still doesn't know that I am informed about this slut-game. I found out it by asking it that same "in love"guy myself. I felt betrayed - because, she was hiding that she was even having meetings with him. I wasn't her boyfriend, but I began to feel like one. The one being cheated on.

She didn't want to let me closer. I was disappointed, so I decided to leave her. When I did it, I convinced that desperate lover to leave her as well. I also convinced that girl to leave him. In fact, I broke them apart (for both sake) and left . I knew she will begin t experince depression and loneliness. She couldn't find a guy. And I was really starting to feel some kind of emotions towards her.

Eventually I tried to forget her while developing a game. I hooked her up with a close friend of mine. She didn't know that I was behind that plan. They had a great time and both started to develop emotions to each other. Then there was a turning point. That guy hooked up with a friend of his - she liked him for almost 3 years. And he fell for her. And my plan began to fall into pieces. I wanted to make this girl happy once and for all and try to forget her. I tried my best... and I failed, because that guy started to feel depressed and supressed - that's why he told her everything - about how I organized this all mess. Now she hates me and wants to get that friend back. She never had feelings for me, never had any respect for me. She obeyed me, but she hid all those important things and I was left as a fool.

I was afraid, that's why I want to make it clear. I want her as my GF, because she perfectly understands me. I know exactly how she behaves, I know what she wants, but my personality is a bit of a mess for her. She doesn't like that I am being over the top analytical and logical and doesn't imagine me as a bf.Well-you can imagine what you want.The real deal what matters is what you experience and what you live.Thats how I feel.Now I want you to grill me and tell me what to do.She accepted a meeting on Wednesday.How can I make it to that relationship island?I screwed it up - I admit. I was a coward, but now I want to be with her.Could this plan become a catalyst for a new start?