Search Results: i told him i'll miss him

ok, I guess you could say I'm not an average teenager. ill start at the beginning and try and make this very simple and straight.

my mom got into an accident at work 5 years ago. it didn't bother me then but now it does. I have a mom who is 53 and a stepdad who is 62. I have a younger sis who I have to take care of. my mom can't walk without help and she has a hard time standing on her own. my stepdad is blind and almost deaf. so he needs lots of help. my little sister had retreated into silence and won't talk to me much anymore. once she does, she bursts into tears and tells me how much it hurts her that our rabbits died and how our older brother is thinking of moving into another state. my older sister is about to give up on college and move back home. my mom can't drive much anymore so she is telling me to hurry up and get my license so I can drive everyone everywhere. now my older sis is telling me she is going to quit college and move back home so in order to keep her in college I have to get a job and help pay her bills and rent. I also have to try and help my little sister get for high school cause she is afraid of the thought. I have to try and work around my schedule and try to actually do my homework this yr... I couldn't do it last year cause I was to busy trying to keep peace. my older bro and his girlfriend are always on the brink of breaking up but they both tell me they still love each other so I settle the peace between them. my older sis is under tons of stress but she takes her troubles and places them on my shoulders so she can relax.

the only thing is, I take all this and hide it away deep inside me. I show everyone a happy child who takes every problem and doesn't let it faze her. but deep down, I'm tired. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams and falling into oblivion. I remember one day I let my anger direct me at night and I almost got ran over by a car. it just skimmed my left arm and when I looked down at my arm and bk up I almost shouted "you missed me!" I feel so sick. I spend most of my time helping others and shouldering their pain and stress I feel like crap.

does anyone know how to help me? I don't want to get lost but I can't stop myself from helping them. I feel so tired of life that I'm about ready to quit but I can't bear the thought of leaving everyone and causing them more pain. its like I'm in a no-win situation. I'm only 17 but I have to shoulder grown-up problems. I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm starting school again 2-morrow and I know no one will be waiting for me. all my friends left me two years ago. I feel alone but I don't know what to do anymore... can I deal with all this pressure and stress and still be... me?