Search Results: emotional cheating

So, I'm gonna get a bit of hate for this (and that's fine).
Long story short, I cheated on my ex twice.
They were more of affairs I guess, I realized we were different in college and I met someone but we didn't work out. I got back with my ex for a while and the same thing happened again after I moved across the country.

We are good friends and honestly if we hadn't broken up, we would've been dating for 10 years. We met at age 14 and started dating then, broke up at 19, then broke up again at 21.

I honestly don't deserve him or anyone right now, and I am staying single to work on my insecurities and issues.

But I've come back home for the holidays and well, we were spending time together and there was a moment we just looked at each other and then this passionate kiss happened. We were both shaking and really emotional after it happened, then it escalated to a full hookup. There were no "I love yous" exchanged, just fyi.

I've been home for 2 weeks and honestly we're acting like a couple. I don't want to lead myself on so I'm just assuming it's some winter romance or us trying to get "back to normal" (we broke up in October).

He deserves better than me, but to be honest I still have strong feelings for him. I don't know how he feels but he did tell me he didn't love me anymore in October, so I'm trying to protect myself too.

What should I do... talk about it? Let it be?

People tell me it seems like we're meant to be but maybe not right now and that I need to work on me first and get through grad school.

I just want him to be happy... but I don't know if it's selfish to cut it off or if it's more selfish to keep following this path which may or may not end badly...

He had a girlfriend in the same college. She's a freshie and i am in my third year. He is a senior. They were together for like 3 years. We got close and I had NO idea he had a girl, I heard rumors and asked him, he said I don't have a girlfriend. We got attached and made out. No sex. Trust me, nothing can every beat the chemistry we both have.

Anyways, shit happened. We went on for like 4 months and weren't officially dating tho. She found from his phone that he had a thing with me. She flipped etc. He told me, he said im so attached to you blah blah. We got all emotional and I was pissed. I told him he needs to pick a side. Either he goes and fixes his relationship or he stays here. Whatever!

15 days later, we met and he told me that the girlfriend got to know that we are still hanging out and she is willing to give him a chance etc. He can't break her heart and wants him to block me and shit but he is so close to me that he needs me in his life etc etc. I was like dude, i am done. IF your heart's in it and you wanna go with her, do it but i am not gonna stay. He confessed that he has feelings for me. I just told him goodbye. I told him i can't be there for him and then send him off to some other girl. LOL.

WTF! I don't know HOW I AM FEELING. GOD.