Search Results: i feel hopeless

He's attractive, he makes his own money, and he has his own place. He says he wears his heart on his sleeve and is a hopeless romantic, and he seems really interested in me. He's called me cute a few times and whatever. And he has good grammar, so, I don't *think* he's a Nigerian prince in disguise.

We are going to meet up soon, should I bring the mace? Do you guys think I'm being catfished?

about me: I feel like he and I aren't like lightyears apart in looks and we are both young and have many things in common actually, like pets, love the same foods and bands and yea... those things I saw before we started talking, so, I know he didn't change them to suit me. He's just so nice and says he's not looking for casual sex, and I guess I'm wary after my past with guys (not even being catfished, just people changing or being mean later down the road)

Read further if you want to know what Bipolar really is like, I'll explain how I experience it, but it's different for everyone. Basically, Bipolar is about Mania and Depression. I'm really just curious to see what people think.

PS. Bipolar mood swings are not usually triggered by anything, unless excess stress. If you get super happy or sad at small things, you probably have something else, or are just a teenager.

MANIA for me is like a rush of euphoria. You know when you're going down a roller coaster, or when you have a crush/love, and the feeling you get in your chest? The butterflies, euphoria and the rush? Yeah, that's what my mania feels like. But there is no roller coaster, love or anything. It's just Mania. The feeling is there for weeks. I stop sleeping, down to 2-4 hours a night or maybe none at all, and I am still full of energy and euphoria. My eyes turn large and wide, I can't stop talking, I have to keep running and moving around. I go outside and shop, spend maybe up to 10,000$ while I'm manic. I'm talking so fast no one understands me. My thoughts are going 100x faster than usual full of plans and ideas. I become delusional, I think I'm going to become famous and I can't stop thinking about how loved I will be. I need to quit my job now and move to LA so I can really become famous. I sometimes hallucinate during this time. I also get hypersexual. My mania lasts a couple of weeks. You can look up some YouTube videos if you are still confused.

DEPRESSION. It lasts weeks or months, sometimes years. I can't get out of bed, I'm usually crying or irritated at the world, and I'm usually sleeping 12-18hours per day. I don't see a reason as to why I should get out of bed. I'm hopeless, worthless and no one likes me. I'm crazy and I don't see why I should continue living. I sometimes contemplate suicide.

I always get breaks between the two, though. I'm also on medication, so I am stable now.

1. When a guy ask me out I assume he wants more
2. I get defensive quick, my first thought is cheating, failure or abandonment
3. I can talk openly and have deep conversation, but if a guy shows interest in a romantic way I freeze and run away I avoid conversation about it
4. Too scared to be sexual, cause I caught feelings for my friends with benefits and he didn’t want me in a romantic way (I am celibate because of it. Have been for years).
5. I am loving, witty, caring and open.
6. I love dates, but I don’t want to date I just want the guy I am supposed to be with sent from the heavens. And not do the work behind finding “the one”.
7. I can be unavailable emotionally and cold
8. Don’t like PDA or getting physical with anyone.
I love being single, love my freedom but I get lonely more often than I can count on two hands. And everyone around me are in love (friends and family). I am happy for them but I often look at my hopeless situation.
7. I feel bitterness towards men
8. I haven’t had the best experience with men. I have been sexually harassed/raped, my dad cheats on my mom all the time since I was a little girl, my first boyfriend left me for someone else, was in a abusing situation and my friends with benefits hurt my feelings.
9. Reading and hearing about men doing women wrong makes me explode even more, especially dating today and how gross we treat each other.

I am ready to shake it all off and start trusting again. I have been single for four years. I can’t keep up with this sad love life. I have used my free time on myself and I have found my passion (self discovery). I am not ready to fully commitment yet even if I miss the intimacy the most (I am still young, and enjoying life), but I am done being mad at men. They deserve better and so does my soul.

Advice?

I'm hopeless, desperate, lost... I found myself trapped and no way of returning back !. I feel empty and broke. How can I fight self-hate and depression? I'm avoiding people even my family members. I'm afraid and scared. I have distressing dreams and thoughts... feelings of sadness, tearfulness and frustration are killing me inside !

I don't know what to do...
Someone help me
Please answer cuz I'm gonna attempt it