Search Results: handle ex girlfriend

Before I start, let me say that I already know I'm going to have to find the answer to this myself, but I'm still intensely interested in how other people would react in a similar situation.

So I've been with my girlfriend for three years now. She has a daughter from a previous relationship, and her dad, though he wasn't much interested in having much to do with her before they split, has stepped up admirably and they share joint custody. I love that little girl like you wouldn't believe, but no matter how much I want to be, I'm not her father and never will be.

Now, she never really wanted kids, and only had one because her ex wanted it. Experiencing fatherhood is something that I've always wanted, rather strongly. She knew this in the beginning, and when we talked about it, she admitted that part of the reason she didn't want kids in the first place is she knew how he (her ex) was, and suspected how he would be, and she knows that I would be much different. She said that things change, and if it's with the right guy (e.g, me) and the right time, she'd be willing to have another.

Now, I haven't been wanting to rush into that. Our relationship is still relatively new, and I enjoy the time we have together. Their custody arrangement means that we've had basically every other weekend to spend alone together, and while sometimes that sucks (as I said, I love her daughter and having her around) it also means that we get to go out and do things, obviously, if we have a child together, that will change for awhile.

She did initially pose a "cutoff date" of sorts. Past a certain age, she doesn't want to have any children. The problem is, that cutoff is approaching, and while she still says that I'm the (right guy) there's always a reason (usually financial, and usually weak) that she has as to why it's not the (right time). So I've suspected for a little while that despite what she says, she really, really doesn't want to have another kid.

I got her to admit as much one night while we were out drinking, and I don't recall how the subject came up, but it did, and the wine speaks the truth, as the saying goes, although she still maintains that she's open to the idea.

If she ~really~ doesn't want to have a kid... If her mind says "okay" but her HEART isn't in it, then how can I expect her to have another child that she ~doesn't~ want simply because I do?

For myself, I'm stupidly in love with her, and strongly attached to both of them. I don't see how I can possibly leave, but I also can't guarantee that I can accept this without coming to resent her for it, as she's essentially been leading me on with false hope, even if it's not intentional.

So here we are, mother's day in a week, and I'll be helping her child craft something for the mother that she loves, completely unconditionally, while knowing that I'll never experience that sort of love myself, with no idea yet how I'm going to handle it.

What would you do?