Search Results: depression and suicidal thoughts

Recently I started a relationship with a guy, who has the same long-term views as me. We are looking (and hoping) to do long-term (think marriage). My ex partner is still part of my life as we share custody of our kids. Little background, on my ex and I; he was/is a very abusive person towards me. Our relationship lasted 10+ years, in which hitting me and creating a environment of pure hostility was the norm. I constantly feared for my life and several police reports were made. During my hell I made a long distance relationship that lasted 5 years. It was very emotional and we only got the chance to meet once. I am forever grateful for him as he saved me from the falling of into depression and suicidal thoughts.
Anyways, our separation was due to a variety of things and the fact that I had grown deep resentment and hate for him due to years of abuse.

I want to start clean with my current partner, and I do admit I am somewhat paranoid this may come out later on. I dont want him to feel I am hiding something. My communication with my LD "friend" ended and I eliminated all his contact info.
Another part of me also feels, the past is the past. What do you think?

A couple days ago, my boyfriend got me mad and It was the last straw for me and I said to him through text that I don't think it's going to work. I know, a text. But hear me out, he dissapointed me once again, I was really depressed about what he did and I was so hurt that at that point I didn't have anything more to say to him. A day after, I was really depressed. I started having suicidal thoughts, I cried all day. I have a lot of mental issues (depression disorder, anxiety, panic attacks). In the evening it became really bad, and I, on one hand, wanted to see him, because we often said to each other that no matter where we are with our relationship, we can call eachother if we really need help. On the other hand, I didn't want to because I was still hurt and missundertood by him.
I decided to call him. He told me to come to his house. When I came, at first it was ok, then we started talking, then fighting again, then I had a panic attack. I said to him that It'll be better for everyone if I'm dead today, and theb I left. He tried to stop me by calling my name. But that's it. He didn't chase me, or call me.
When I was sitting on a bench outside and thinking about overdosing, he started texting me about how he's also hurt and how could I say stuff like what I said to him. It was mainly about him. He didn't give a fvck about what I was about to do, at least it seemed like it.
I ended up drinking a couple of tablets for anxiety and cutting myself and then going home. When I was in my bed he came to my house (my parents let him in, they don't have a clue about anything whst Im going though) and then he layed by my feet and hugged them. I was really exhausted from crying and numbed by the medication, so I let him. He got out when I fell asleep. The next day he deeply apologised to me. I desided to give him another chance, but if he blows this one, it's over. It seemes like he understood that but I still can't forget how he betrayed me that night. More at the edit