Search Results: breaking down relationships

So I have know this guy for 3 years and I have liked him ever since I knew him but we were never close until we stated dating a coupe months ago. We were in our senior year of high shool and I was his first girfriend. He was amazing to be honest and we had this connction that words simply can not explain. During the relationship I felt like I wasn't good enough for him, I've never told him this but I was always trying to be the perfect girlfriend for him because I was his first actual realtionship. Anways things tured for the worst after two months of dating, I found protection in his bag and it kinda of freaked me out because I knew that meant he wanted xxxx and I began to think that if I did anything with him he might disappear on me. I knew he wasn't that type of person but I had to confront him about it just to make sure, He got really offened when I told him and I made it worst by saying I didn't know what type of person he was. Then I told him I didn't like the way the realtionship was going and he end up breaking up with me with a complimant sandwich and asking if we could still be friends.

Anyways fast forwarding, After we broke up I did everything your not suppose to after a break up. I had to delet his number to resist the urge to call him, basicly I had to push him away to give myself time to get over him. Not even a month later I found out that he was starting to talk to another girl. When I found out I immediately told him I could not be his friend and explained that I needed time. This was the hardenst thing to do because I saw them together everywhere, he didn't even try to hide it. Mainly it was his friends shoving it in my face, by the way I found out from them. THIS HURT LIKE HELL GUYS but eveutually I sucked it up and accepted it.

It still hard for me to think that he has lost all emotions for me and this chick isn't just a distracction to him. It's like deep down I still feel him there and I ignore it. I really want him back as my friend cause I care for him and I have never connected with somone like how I connected with him. I feel like I hurt him really badly but he's hurt me even worse. I wish we cold just forgive each other and move on with life but I think he as something aginst me and things will neverbe the same. I just miss having him around what do I do?