Search Results: i don't want to have sex with my boyfriend

I am 20 years old dating a 36 year old guy, (don't judge) .
We've been together almost two years now and never have I ever cheated on him before. Our relationship has been bumpy for a while, we have our ups and downs.
On Saturday I went to a party, where I ran into a guy i have had unsettled feelings for for almost seven years. I drank a lot, and we got to talking and he went for it and kissed me. And I didn't stop him from kissing me. That's all we did I eventually went home, confused at to what I just did and very dissapointed in myself of course.

The next night when the boyfriend got home, I told him of course. And he was fine, he said it's natural and that stuff like that happens.
Might I add that my boyfriend has never believed in just being with one person. But I dont believe in polygamy so we made a deal to obviously just stick to eachother.
That night went on normally, we had sex and what not and it was good we were normal. the next morning went out for breakfast and it was normal.

we got home and things changed, he started saying stuff like now that i have kissed another guy i have opened the doors to an open relationship. which is not true. i did not kiss the guy to be in an open relationship, i made a stupid mistake.
i explained how i didn't want that and he said it was too late. and then we argued for a bit until he said "I either get a freebie or we are over"I explained how i did not do this to hurt him, and if he did that to me it would devastate me. because it would. and he said that no matter how guilty i felt he was still going to do it and it was going to be fun and exciting. knowing that he would hurt me. and nothing could change his mind.

we fought and i couldnt come up with an option so i decided to write him a note saying i didn't want to be with someone who could look me in the eyes and say he was excited to cheat on me.

i have ne