Search Results: nervous about first kiss

There's this ex I have we've been broken up for 2 years and we were together for 3 years. The whole time we were pretty much off and on and I would be the one ending it with him a lot because he would do stupid things like flirt with some girl. The last time that we really broke up and really ended things he was the one that said he wanted to break up he said he was tired of being with me because he says I didn't trust him. Then again he never gave me a reason to. Come to find out as soon as we break up he's with some ugly girl within the next few days. So I decided to move on which was hard he was my best friend. At this point we didn't talk at all we would cut our eyes at each other when ever we saw each other and I was sick of it because I'm an adult now and tomorrow's not promised and it was stupid. So I texted him first asked him how he was (after a year of not talking) he asked to hang out. So we did and he seemed so nervous and we just talked and I go to leave and he holds his arms out to hug me so I hug him and we look at each other right in he face and I say I can't do this but I end up kissing him anyway and crying because I missed him so much and he just held me and kept saying don't cry please don't cry and his heart was racing. And come to find out one of his friends tell me that he wanted me back. After that we didn't really talk much anyway but we had sex a few times and he texted me yesterday asking me to come and have sex and I totally blew him off because I felt like we only talk to each other when we want to have sex now. So then he says that he wants to have a serious talk after the fact that I told him no. So I feel offended I definitely carry myself as a woman before anything but at the same time I've texted him asking to come over as well. I'm in a deep heartbreak he was my first everything and I want to get over it its been two years.