Search Results: guilty over break up

Thank you to whoever reads this!

My best guy friend and I have always had a flirtatious relationship. 2.5 years ago he tried to kiss me while we were cuddling on my couch. I pushed him away out of the fear that he was "just trying to get some action." He's never had a girlfriend and hasn't to this day. After I pushed him away he called me a tease. Turns out he really liked me, but I really had no idea! I had always liked him a bit too.

We went to college on opposite sides of the country so I went back to school and he went back to his. I came home at some point during the summer boyfriend he left for a big trip and I thought we kind of shared this mutual love at first sight kind of look. We were definitely all smiles. While he was gone, he stayed up all night talking to me, made jokes about how it "wasn't the first time I'd kept him up all night" and whatnot. We flirted A LOT. Granted it was over chat since he was in a foreign country.

He came home and right away I went to his house. We stayed up sunset to sunrise talking, telling stories, cuddling, massaging etc. Totally seemed like he liked me! I really did think so. Then it came time for me to go back to school. One day, he said "if I get a girlfriend we can't do this." I was pretty horrified, but I tried to be cool and say "why not.." We then proceeded to almost kiss, but I chickened out. He told me I could kiss him, but he wouldn't kiss me. I took that as a very bad sign... so I didn't follow through.

More time passed, about 6 months and he said all of those feelings had faded. 6 months later, (a year after it all happened) he said he never liked me, he was just using me because he was lonely. he said he just wanted me.

Being me, a pretty self protective strong willed female, I did NOT take this lightly. I told him we couldn't be friends. I don't think he realized the implications of what he said... He came to my house that night and threw rocks at my window to get my attention. Then we sat up most of the night and I cried. After that, he totally changed his mind. He said he didn't know what he was thinking and that he wants me in his life forever (as a friend.) I went back to school and said we couldn't' be friends anymore and I didn't want to talk. He wrote me a letter saying how much I meant to him.

Finally, over Christmas break 2011, I saw him, he was defensive about everything. It was almost like he didn't want to be there, but when I was away he wanted to see me. I told him he needed to figure things out and get back to me. He admitted that there were "feelings involved" when everything happened, but that they had faded. We went back to not talking and honestly, my life has been SO peaceful. So peaceful I almost feel guilty. We haven't spoken in some time (months), but I think I am ready to retry. I've forgiven him and I'm okay with moving on. I don't really think he did what he said. I'm not afraid to be friends with him again. He made a dumb young boy mistake and it's taken me 3 years to get over it.

Thoughts?