Search Results: too busy for a relationship

A little help needed please.

I’m 32 and my boyfriend is 36. We’ve been together for just under 9 months.

Things have been good, but slow. Didn’t kiss until 6 weeks of being together, and even still, he doesn’t kiss me much. He likes to hold my hand almost all the time. He likes to cuddle a lot too.

haven’t slept together. We’re both Christian, so are trying to put it off. don’t question this - it’s just personally important to me. We’ve both done it previously. And we did have 2 close calls.

He never talks about feelings. And he’s not romantic. He’s generally not the type to do that -very pragmatic.

He’s even told me that he doesn’t know if he loves me yet. However he then clarified that he thinks that you tell someone you love them when you’re at the stage of proposing. So it’s obviously more a choice than a feeling to him. He said that he thinks a relationship needs to be given 1 - 1.5 years before coming to a decision like that.

Despite being difficult, I can live with this.

However, I need to know that he isn’t wasting my time.

I’m wanting to move forward in my life, and I want marriage and kids. I’m turning 33 this year.

I did tell him that I need to see that the relationship is progressing. He told me that he thinks we need to go away together for at least a week to see how we go together, and progress the relationship more.

I asked him when, and he mentioned his work situation, the uncertainty, how busy he is, and that he’d need to save a bit for a holiday, so suggested June/July.

This seems like ages to me, and I’m not sure that I can risk waiting this long if he isn’t sure about me.

I really like him, and don’t want to lose him. However also really value my time. So I need a little more certainty if I’m going to wait that long.

Do I communicate this to him? If so, how?

I don’t want him to feel pressured, but I also don’t want him wasting my time.

Male advice would be really appreciated right now. Especially any rational/pragmatic men.

Looking back on our relationship my ex would withdraw heavily if I stressed him out, even block me or ignore me. If, for example, I demanding more than he was willing to give of his time or commitments he would push me away, he would get irritated at seeing me cry or having to listen to me "complain" about things I expected out of the relationship. He also suffered from bad insomnia and would stay up for the majority of the night, sometimes he would not even sleep at all. When he was with me, I would help him sleep by holding him, rubbing his head, or more commonly having "nighttime activities" that left him exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Speaking of which, that's one thing he seemed to go above and beyond for. The oppertunity to sleep wuth me was never taken for light, he would come at any time or drive long distnaces to pick me up so that we could have sex, but if it were for things like dates or just to see me in his free time he would be "too busy". He would tell me his problems, cry on my shoulder sometimes, rant, sometimes ask for advice but mostly he would just let off steam. I was happy to help but I felt completely unsupported by him. I think he only saw me as a stress reliever and not like a person he loved.