Search Results: turned on my just touching

bottling up this traumatizing, frustration and anger all my life from my s3xual assault in my pre-teen years?

Right now, I'm a guy who just turned 18 years old recently and you people will most likely not believe me or just "congratulate" me on how "lucky" I am to go through this when I tell you this but when I was 12 years old, my mom (who's a single and always busy working) hired a female babysitter to watch me. This one day, the babysitter brought her boyfriend with her, who's a grown man in his 30s. The next thing that happens is that they double team me to m0lest me (pulling my pants and underwear down and touching me down their inappropriately). I never told my mom or any other adults about it because I've felt that she or no one else would believe me and refuse to acknowledge me as a victim because I'm a male.

5 years later on to my high school years, I eventually started confessing to a few so-called "friends"(mostly Seniors and Super Seniors) about it, Then they started constantly telling me how I'm such a "lucky b@stard" to have a 3s0me with a female babysitter and her man. I told them that I never enjoyed it at all. They started calling me a fag for my honest feelings toward it. Then, my fury and frustration that's bottled up, increased so high up from these guys selfishness, stupidity and ego, I started to snap an beat the bloody shit out of one of them while the rest took off running. Bystanders started calling the police on me and have me sent to juvenile detention center for several months for aggravated assault. I was released feeling even more angry from my injustice from the past.

As of right now, I have trust issues with people because of this. I have trust issues with women because I think they won't believe me because they're afriad of losing their victim status while the men will just refuse to acknowledge me as a child m0lest@tion victim because of one of my perpetrators' gender, along with men's egos.

I'm a bit conservative when it comes to dating in that I choose not to have sex before marriage. I don't have any problems with kissing though, and on a good first date with a woman I'm really attracted to we'll be making out within a couple hours.

However though it seems to be that after the 2nd or 3rd date the past couple women will drop several hints they want to sleep with me, such as talking about their bed, inviting me inside, etc, however I just give playful responses.

A couple of these women I met online and my profile says I won't have sex until marriage, and they clearly saw it because they usually bring it up the first date, yet they still message me and we go on 2-3 dates.

I know there are probably a lot of women out there who wouldn't date a guy like me, but I guess I assumed that the conservative type of women I usually date that it wouldn't be a deal breaker for them.

The dates usually go really well and by the 2nd date she the one initiating all the contact because she wants to be touching me the entire time, so they do have interest in me.

Any idea what I'm doing wrong that is causing seceral women with seemingly high attraction to just stop? I don't cover pursue. Usually they text every few days, I respond, we go on a date and have a great time, repeat. Is it because they are turned off by me not having sex with them, or is it probably something else?