Search Results: bad manners

I was hit as a child, mainly by my Dad who was the disciplinarian in our house (And to some degree, in our whole family). I was not abused, mind you, not did this hitting involve any type of stick, belt or wooden paddle like you sometimes hear horror stories about. Usually it involved a firm whack across the head or (For serious offenses) several painful open-handed smacks across the arse and back of my legs before being chucked into my room for the rest of the night. Smackable offenses included: crossing the big main road when I knew I was too young to cross alone, the one or two sole occasions I've ever stolen something, or (And this is when the real ass-kickings where handed down) if ever I was disrespectful, aggressive or insulting to my parents.

That was the Big Three on the punishment chart: whenever I did something dangerous, criminal, or downright stupid. In hindsight it was quite reasonable; my Dad didn't want me doing anything where I might get hurt or arrested, and I realize that he always had to maintain his role as the primary authority figure in my life (At least until I turned 18 and the real authorities stepped in to fill that role).

Some say that to hit a child is morally criminal, no matter what the case. They advocate dialogue with the child, hoping to teach them reasoning skills, and in the process keeping their hands clean and their principals nicely intact so they can show the world what wise and clever people they are.

I respect this view, as I respect the right of people not to hit their children as a form of punishment. That is entirely their decision as a parent, but to the idea that hitting your child to punish them being totally and utterly criminal, I have to say is bullsh*t (In my own private opinion). As a child I needed to learn to obey the rules first before any mention of "reasoning" came into it. Sure, I learned that I should share toys and whatnot, but the idea of sitting down and discussing things in a calm and rational manner is an impossible thing to ask of a child. Children are not calm or rational; they're hyper and self-centered. It's not a bad thing, their brains just haven't grown up yet and are dealing with taking in so much new stuff that it hasn't got the energy to devote to learning something as subtle as reason.

They can learn rules however. And spanking/hitting teaches them that breaking rules have unpleasant consequences. As their bodies and brains mature they will eventually learn to discover reason, and the need for physical punishment will diminish, hopefully vanishing altogether by the time they hit their teen years.

As I parent, I plan to raise my children the way I was raised: with a few wise words and an open-hand smack. I don't relish the prospect nor do I look forward to it, but it will happen. I believe it to be the best way to learn to obey the rules at a young age and, as sadistic my words may sound, I would only want the best for my children.

What's your view?