Search Results: ex still wants to be friends

my boyfriend and I have argued in the past over him not defending me against his family being racist, rude, or body shaming me. They’ve made racist jokes, made fun of my body, always say my name wrong, talk about other girls or his ex, and address me by talking to him (hey, Bf’s name, did OP eat before coming?”) or something along those lines as I stand RIGHT by him. I’ve made every effort with them to talk and be nice.
last time he didn’t defend me against a racist joke, he apologized and comforted me after like always but I told him that was the last chance he had.
Today his friend who I’m friends with but not nearly as closely as he is ‘jokingly’ called me flat and said I’m built like a board. He is usually pretty sarcastic and it’s hard to tell when he means it or not. After a few seconds where I didn’t laugh he said “sorry just kidding!!” And I didn’t say anything cause I’m at his/my bf’s house with my boyfriend and I didn’t know if I’d be overreacting. I’ve had many bad experiences of being bodyshamed and made fun of for being skinny and it’s really gotten to me over time. I expected my boyfriend to at least step in and say something guiding— not even outright confrontational— but something like “too far man”, But he didn’t. He just made a sad face at me and went back to scrolling on his phone.
I can’t tell if he just didn’t want to make things awkward for me, if he thought it wasn’t a big deal, or if he once again decided his security was more important than defending me. he definitely heard it happen.
so my questions are-
1: would you have said something if you were him? (I know I should’ve, I was just uncomfortable with it being his+bf’s apartment that I am staying at for tonight).
2: is this a big enough breach to warrant me upholding my “that was your last chance”?
im planning on talking about it with my boyfriend tomorrow no matter what but he fell asleep for now and his roommate is still up so I can’t talk about It with him at this time

SO, I’d like to preface this by saying my boyfriend has always known about all of this. Everything has been communicated to the best of my ability. I just can’t shake the guilt.

i used to post a lot on here about my ex, who I thought I loved. Truth be told, he manipulated me, gaslit me and made me feel less than human. Even once told me to k*ll myself. During our relationship, there came a point where the only way he’d want me around was for sex. In an abusive relationship, you obviously feel the need to keep them, so I did what I needed to do. Usually out of fear that he would’ve left. That lasted for 1 year, and then for 2.5 additional after we broke up, because he never left me alone.
March 2020, I meet my current boyfriend, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and my ex has apologized and we’re semi-okay just because we have mutual friends and I still carried a lot of trauma — was 18 when I met him, am 23 now.
about 4 or so months into my relationship my ex starts to send me sexual texts, to which I would either respond “haha yeah we can’t do that anymore” or ignore that entirely. But he was persistent. And I would see him on occasion because of our friends. He’d always ask to touch me, and it would take a lot of goading and a lot of me saying no, so there were times I said yes, only for him to put a hand on me and then for me to run away. then he would text me about it, say how much he missed me and my body, and I was afraid that if I didn’t say it back, we wouldn’t be friends anymore. So I answered, very vaguely, never sexting in return. But after much therapy, I had the strength to cut him off. Because he was making me uncomfortable. My boyfriend always knew about all of this, and he always said that he saw me as a victim of abuse by my ex who had developed a trauma bond, and I never engaged too heavily (that I can remember — I’ve shut most of this time out). But I still feel like my boyfriend should be mad. Am I a terrible person for allowing this?