Search Results: someone you weren't going to be with

I was with my boyfriend for about 7 months and we were really close friends before we began dsting. This is basically my first love. So i dont really know how to handle it. He wasn't mature enough for a relationship i felt like i forced him but he said he wanted it. He was constantly with this other girl, holding her hand. It started arguments. We fought a lot becausehe would talk to her and i didn't trust them together. She had a name out for herself. I delt with cutting issues. I was putting a lot on myself. Trying to care for him and help him with school, at the same time i was hurting because i knew something was going on. One day he told me he had went to her house...
It tore me up. People kept telling me "you really gonna stress over this highschool shit " i was caught in my emotions. We eventuallt broke up. He said he didn't want a relationship. I started seeing them on instagram and snapchat together. She sleeps over his house. The more it killed me inside. I tried to commit suicide, stupid idea. I wasn't just struggling with him i was struggling with school, family, myself. I lost myself. My parents were really upset. Suprisingly so was he. I knew he still cared about me, his feelings werent there but mine were. We began to be friends but it was rocky because we would hear rumors which started arguments. Which led him to say he didn't want anything to do with me. I had a panic attack because iwasnt ready to. loose someone. so close to me, he actually understood me. The next day i got into an argument with him and the girl he cheated on me with, it escalated and i hit him.. i felt terrible. I let my emotions controlme i shouldn't havedone it. I started getting threats from his friends. I've been reslly depressed since. I tried to talk to him but he never replies. I miss him. And i feel alone. Seeing him with other girls makes me wanna throw up. He doesn't even look at me. I hate what he did to me but i hate that im not with himm