Search Results: scared of getting close

Feel free to be as brutal as you like. So my girlfriend broke up with me 3... maybe 4 weeks ago, I've lost track of things like days and weeks. Our relationship (if you can even call it that) lasted less than 2 weeks. She had a lot of baggage but I wasn't aware that it was going to affect her feelings about our relationship so drastically. Thing is we weren't together long (I know for certain we've as of now been broken up for longer than we were together) but she wormed her way further into my heart than anyone ever has, faster than anyone else (kinda scares me). Now that she's gone life just seems gray. I don't enjoy anything anymore, and bad things just don't even faze me. I feel like my life went from full HD to grainy black and white in an instant. I have no motivation and barely get out of bed except to go to work. I honestly can't see me getting over her anytime soon. Frankly, she was the best girlfriend I've ever had. I spend nights listening to depressing break-up music (mostly Linkin Park) and even crying (I haven't cried over a woman since my first love back in high school). I miss her horribly and sometimes talk to myself like I'm talking to her, saying things I wish I'd said.

My depression is leaking over into every area of my life and people are taking notice, but I couldn't care less. Today one of my closest friends from work asked me why I was "having a bad day" and "why I had to make everything so hard". I didn't even bother replying because I'm sick of telling people I'm fine when I'm not, even though I can't exactly tell them what's going on. 80% of my brainpower is spent thinking about her, us, things I might have done wrong (She said when we broke up that I'd done nothing wrong but somehow I doubt it), ways to convince her to come back (all of which I end up discarding because I believe she just isn't interested in me on any level now), and even things I would say to her now if we got the chance to have a conversation. Am I pathetic?