Search Results: sleeping with my best friend

I’m 23 and I have my own studio, however parents plan soon move to a very far city 2 hours away middle of nowhere. My brother lives there with his wife but his wife’s family gossip a lot & his wife don’t let my brother talk to me as she gets jealous. I have a year & more we don’t talk. Last year I lived with brother & wife for a month & I got more anxiety & stress. I had no life, everything was far & had go daily to brothers sisters house where I was ignored left out. I live 20 min away from boyfriend. But we aren’t at stage yet to live together but he visits studio each time we go for date, he doesn’t even eat at rest aunts with me now we eat in my studio. I have a cousin that moved to Florida he’s my same age & has his apartment alone. Whole life I had follow bro & wife to all their dates as a child & follow wife’s parties events with her family. I feel now I shud have own new life with boyfriend I don’t deserve be black sheep following them forever like a robot. Parents plan move to far city & I feel sad y they need move 2 hours away. I’m also tired don’t want be sleeping in moms same bed just following parents as I’m 23 not a 5 year old kid. I would feel depresed & not like a woman independent but a child. I also don’t want live alone forever I feel everyone needs a partner. A lot of times i get stress to be alone 24/7 in my small studio. So boring. I don’t have friends a lot of girls have been mean to me & just gone with their bfs. My best friend is my boyfriend.

In August, me and my bestie admitted to liking each other. He then told me he wanted a relationship with me and he loves me.
I’m a lesbian but since developing feelings for him, I don’t know what I am anymore. I’ve just got to the point of not wanting a label. I am who I am.
We’ve both slept with each other twice since admitting our feelings and we’ve also had massive arguments, as you can imagine.
Recently he’s all that’s crossing my mind, I’m thinking about him far too much. I keep showing people pictures of him and saying ‘how cute is he?’, that’s how bad I’m getting haha.
I have three reasons for not wanting a relationship with him: 1) I’ve never properly dated a man before (it’s scary). 2) what if I miss sleeping with girls and go out and cheat on him? It would be unintentional but I just know how much I prefer girls. 3) what if it ruins our friendship? I don’t want to lose my best friend.
I’ve told him all this and he said ‘I’ll give you permission to sleep with girls whenever you want. I won’t let it ruin our friendship, nothing will ruin it. We can take it slowly until you’re used to it’.
He always gives me reassurance but i just feel like that’s not enough. The thought of dating a man is really scary.
I’ve even deliberately invited him around my house today, telling him I want help decorating my room. When in reality, I just want to see him.
He’s suggested just an open relationship to me in the past and I told him no, it’s a bad idea. But with all these thoughts, I’m thinking maybe it isn’t a bad idea after all.
I’m going to tell him today but my problem is, is it a good idea?
I want more then friendship but I don’t want it to jeopardise it.
Please give your honest opinions!!