Search Results: i had a miscarriage

Growing up with a single parent raising you is hard. I’ve dealt with so much verbal abuse from my mother but all I did was try to please her. She was strict which helped with discipline in the long run but as I got older I realized my own mother didn’t know shit about me... AT ALL. She thought she did because she raised me but it’s not true at all. Even now I’m an adult and since the age of 16 I’ve never discussed personal things about me with her. She didn’t know I got pregnant and had a miscarriage at 16. She didn’t know that at 19 a guy tried to rape me, she didn’t know that someone tried to blackmail or better yet post me on the media nude. She never made it comfortable at all so a lot of shit I kept to myself and it’s depressing to feel like you can’t trust someone who gave birth to you, and who says they love you but still treats you like a random person on the street when they don’t get their way.

Long ago when we were younger, my boyfriend once admitted he wanted to get me pregnant. He changed his mind when I said ''If you ever get me pregnant, I'm going to abort it, I never want kids ever''. On another day, I told him that I can trip on purpose and pretend it was a miscarriage. I was then 19/20.

Then from 2015-2019, I was suffering from low blood counts. If I had given birth by then, it would cause a massive internal bleeding and possible death.

We got back together years later in 2016. We've been in a long distance relationship since and I've remained childless at the age of 33. I had dreams that I would never have a child. If there is anyone I would've wanted if I had the power is switch back time and bear him a child, erase those horrible words. We would've been happily married and our would've been 13 years old by now. I can't and I feel this is my karma now. Is it?