Search Results: is he relieved to have broken up with me

I am 19. I have always lived a very healthy lifestyle. I am a vegetarian, I work out, drink a lot of water. I am usually very happy and chill. I am a very analytical and abstract type. I am an artist. I write, sing, play instruments, I like to dance, go out with my friends, have fun, I love animals, have a pet cat, I like psychology, philosophy, I love sex and I live in the moment and am a hedonist, mostly spiritually.

That's the kind of person I am. I am like that even though I have gone threw physical, emotional, verbal, mental and sexual abuse in my life and all comming from my "family" members. I was doing well for 5 years, especially last year. Every positive changes that I have made are thanks to me: I am my own psychotherapist.

But lately I started obsessing over some things that are not even up to me, but affect me, I'm not gonna go into detail. I am not used to not being in charge. I am very independent and the fact that I cannot help here makes me anxious to the point that I have classical panic attacks. And the topic is something I have always been aware of, yet I never worried about it, because I was too bussy with literaly saving my life at the time. I can't even sleep, I lost interest in the things I usually love to do and bring me joy. I lost weight. It's been like that for a few weeks.

My friends are worried, because they think I am the epitome of strength and that's what I thought, too... I don't wanna let them down. Should I just give myself a break and allow myself to feel vulnerable for once, or is this something serious? I don't wanna go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I see people smoking and it makes me feel relieved just watching them. I have NEVER even held a cigarette, I have a very strong will to resist trying them, but I am afraid I might get addicted and then I DEFINITELY couldn't help myself. I don't wanna be a prisoner of my temptations, I value my independence more than anything...

Should I smoke or not?

I work as a cashier in a large store. Now us cashiers in my experience, we're around each other all day almost every day, there's a lot of us, and little time to leave our section of the store. Other departments tend to have only one or two people in a department in any given day, and they are spaced out to get different areas of their department done. What I'm getting at, is that the cashiers, we become fairly close, but also get kinda cliquey at times. And by that, I mean, the cashiers RARELY speak to anyone else from around the store. We also have a tendency to be gossipy... even the cashier guys. Or well, the ones who stick around. It's mostly women, there are only four boys.
Anyway, when someone upsets someone whose already apart of the cashier "group" that person starts telling people, and then those people tell others, and soon enough, they're kinda iced out. Even more so when that person comes off as rude. Shy we can handle, condescending, no.
That said, when word gets out that people are getting fired, it spreads like wild fire. Only it seems to be the cashiers who know, not anyone else in the store. Now there is a rumor that three cashiers are getting fired. We don't know who two of them are, but we're all 99% sure that it's one girl who most everyone dislikes. Which is kinda sad, she's very sweet and all. But she's got all these "mental illnesses", now the real problem with that, is that it's caused her to call out multiple times, and the other day she just left work without telling anyone because she "got overwhelmed". Cashiers give each other breaks. Which means she messed up EVERYONE'S schedule by doing that. Mind you we were already irked with her because she got pissy with another cashier for refusing to date her friend who was being overly attached and pushy after they'd been set up on one single blind date. And then the latest guy to get fired we were all kinda relieved to go because he wasn't doing his work anyway. And had a bad attitude.