Search Results: my boobs are not right

My boyfriend and I have been together for +4 years. In the beginning (first 1.5 years) he cheated on me multiple times. I forgave it all except for one time where he had a whole relationship with another. I still couldn't leave him alone (because of love) and decided to check his Skype (I knew his password). I know I shouldn't have gone on his Skype but I just had to break my heart to be able to leave him.

After months we started talking again. He didn't speak to the girl anymore. From there on we are dating again.

Now, about a week ago he started talking to her again. He offered me to read the messages between them but I declined. I was terrified that I was going to get upset and cry in his face. When he was sleeping I broke into his phone. Obviously I should've taken the chance he gave me but my feelings took over (again).

What I read was honestly heartbreaking. He told her all kinds of sexual things like:
"I wanna come give it to you.", "I would be able to have fun with your small boobs.", "You're allowed to use your mouth sometimes too.", "Come sit on me.", "I'm your BFF who wants to fuck you sometime."
I left the bed and cried until the sun came up.

When I told him, he just told me it was a joke and this is what they've always been like. I was hurt so I didn't accept his kisses/hugs. In the evening, I was alone, still crying and upset from what I've read. He was in the other room talking to his friends which included the girl. I just can't understand how he thought that was a good idea? I told him this too and he said it was a coincidence. He also told me he did it because I pushed him away.

I tried to forgive him and yesterday I was doing my absolute best to make it a good night. I kissed/hugged him, played PS4 with him, etcetc. But I still had this feeling, so I did it again. I checked his phone and he was complaining about me to the girl.

Am I just toxic? Is this normal? He acts like I'm upset over nothing, is he right? Please help.

in my opinion im conflicted because its quicker easier safer than surgery to get the look for whatever dress ur wearing that night but then subconsciously am i thinking do i not like my boob size? I've always liked it before but it just looked so much better in the push up bra. i see it as a aesthetic fantasy, like purple eyeshadow, where i can dissassociate with make up and think yeah this is nice and fun but i dont need it or want it forever. but i can't disassociate when it comes to push up bras because i do want it forever. but is it bad to want it forever? that can't be wrong, right? people change all the time, 'always want what u can't have' or whatever that quote said. people change their body all the time, more muscle or less, tanning, shit some people change their whole sex, so a pair of boobs wouldn't even make a splash. but im forcing myself to accept my own body but its hard. like what message am i giving myself? is it fun or harmful thinking to want something else? I don't know.