Search Results: guys making girls feel guilty

I know this is a blog for relationships that is between boyfriend/girlfriend and so on...but I am faced with a family dilemma:

I lived with my mom, and I have since moved out (2 weeks now) but I feel guilty, mainly because she is making me feel guilty for leaving her. Not that I left her, I call her everyday (if I don't she says I have forgotten about her! :| )

So I have moved out because we argue constantly when we are in the same room together, I need my space and I have been wanting to move out for the longest time but stayed because every time I brought up the idea she would get upset and say I do not love her, I do not think of her, I am selfish and the list goes on. But when I talk to her about being exploring life for myself she says she does not want to stand in my way, She believes I need to be independent and she does not want to hold me back!...

So I reached my breaking point when I went out with a friend and came home late around 1am (wow) and she had a fit, she called me a slut and told me I run around with boys and stuff...all my friends are guys, I cannot make nice with girls. No offense to girls, I just grew up with guys and I think like one...

I do not sleep with any of my guy friends they are my friends, and no matter how I explain this to her she will not understand. I gave up on explaining.

When she called me a slut, this really hit me...so I left right there, 2am at that time...went to a friends and have been here since.

She feels betrayed, and I really do not know if I have made a mistake here, I have spoken to her since and we are speaking to each other, but I can still feel she is sad I am not there, understandable as she is a single mom!

I feel horrible but I have told her she needs to learn to socialize and get out of the house and live for herself. She does not understand this, and feels I am wrong. and constantly saying I will regret it later. I really do not know how I can become independent when I have my mom cooking and cleaning for me, and it frusterates me when I have zero privacy and she just barges in to my room. I AM 24 and I would like my space.

Is this wrong? am I wrong? we are on good terms right now, we talk laugh and stuff over the phone, I visit and help her around the house on my off time.

What am I doing wrong.

Please help, I love my mom very much and do not want her to think I have betrayed her...I also feel the distance is good for our relationship, as it is good when we are not in each others face constantly. ahh!

please give advice...feeling guilty.

My brother and I were talking about this yesterday.

Let's say that a girl and a guy are dating. The guy wants to see a sports game on television, but the girl wants to go out and see a play or movie.

And so the battle begins.

My brother said that if you observe the two, they're both selfish and manipulative in very different ways.

The girl will try and punish the guy for not going to the movies with her, and making him feel bad and guilty for even wanting to watch sports on TV. She'll also try and entice him or reward him for going with her to the movies, and make him feel good for not wanting to watch sports on TV.

The guy won't do that but he'll just ignore her completely. Anything she says, even if it's her just voicing how she feels and trying to communicate a problem in the relationship to him, he'll just zone out and watch sports on TV. And even if she leaves, at least he's not going to watch a movie with her, and he'll be content in watching sports on TV by himself.

It's obviously the classic game-theory example in economics, as a metaphor for all things in a relationship where there's conflict. If we have things all our way, then the other person isn't happy. If they have it all their way, then we're not happy. So in order for nobody to be unhappy and for nobody's needs and wants to be ignored, there needs to be compromise.

The guy's manipulative strategy is that if he ignores the girl, eventually, she will just find it pointless to voice her problem, and will have to find a way to not have those needs and wants that are conflicting with his.

The girl's manipulative strategy is that if she makes him feel good & rewarded for agreeing, complying, and wanting the things she wants and thinking the way she thinks (and making him feel bad, guilty, ashamed, or punishing him if he doesn't), then she will eventually change him and mold him so that there is no longer any conflict and his wants the same things she does and thinks the same way she does.

Of course, what bothers someone never goes away, and people don't change. So neither of these things really work the way we want them to in our heads. They eventually both have the effect of making the other person feel ignored, neglected, unhappy, and cause them to want to get away from that unfair and unsatisfying relationship.

I was just wondering how many people (anonymously of course) can admit to themselves (not so much to anyone else) that they've been selfish in their relationship with someone, been manipulative instead of compromising, and lacked caring and understanding of their partner's needs, wants, how they thought, and what was important to them? Has this ever ruined a relationship between you and someone who made you happy?

This is both for guys and girls to think about (anonymously of course)