This article is in response to the article, The Princess Dilemma.
To save everyone time: The article was basically motivated by a guy who feels it is unfair that men make all the effort of forming a new relationship, and that their needs are ignored while only what is important to women is given attention to.
First of all,
I hate the whole, men this, women this rhetoric. We're all human. Some of us have different equipment, sometimes larger or smaller than that of others. But we're all the same animal, with the same abilities, the same needs and wants, and the same exact psychology.
The ONLY difference are gender roles. Gender roles are the result of socialization. But who are the social engineers behind these brilliantly-crafted & self-serving roles?
Esther Villar would argue, women. She would go on to say that these "oppressive" roles are not maintained by men, but rather, by women. In her international best-seller, "The Manipulated Man"; she presented her profound thesis to the entire world. That women socially engineer the female gender role as weaker, and male gender role as stronger. That women "oppress" themselves, into staying home with the children, and being emotionally delicate, that by contrast to such an "oppressive" gender role; the male gender role is forced to be the one who sacrifices his life to be conscripted and sent to war at the age of 18, even if it's against his will. His crime? Being born a man. No wonder "women" were the ones who actually created the most "resistance" to feminism.
By contrast, the male gender role must do away with his dream, fantasies & imagination at a very early age, and accept that he will have to sacrifice his life's happiness to finance and support the happiness of his family and his "partner". By contrast, while violence against women is criminal or sexist, violence or sexist remarks made by women against men is called humor. By contrast, men must not vocalize and must learn to ignore their needs, and cater exclusively to those of women. If women were to do the same, they would be called stupid. But for men, it's called "chivalry" and "being a gentleman". By contrast, men must learn to do away with their emotions, in order to break free from the natural anxiety and fear of possible rejection of someone you would like to mate & procreate with; yet, not to such a degree that he is no longer caring & sensitive.
It would seem, that the male gender role has been socially engineered so that if a human that is born male is emotionally weak and easily manipulated, controlled, pushed over and able to be walked all over; he is of use to women. But if he is emotionally too strong, to the point where he cannot be manipulated, controlled, pushed over, or able to be walked on; he is of no use to women. In fact, as Esther Villar suggests, the previous statement would create feelings of sexual desire in women. For women punish male behavior that doesn't cater to their needs, and reward male behavior that caters to their needs. There is a motivation to change others to cater to her needs, while ignoring, belittling or vilifying his. For this reason, there is no attraction to a man who is already a useful & properly programmed. One who isn't however, is an object of interest, and in need of changing so that he can be useful to her like all others. This is how the "fairer sex" has crafted gender roles; to cater to HER needs, with very little to no emphasis on others.
As Villar points out, this mentality is that of a 12 year old girl, who feels the world revolves around her; and that this mentality doesn't change much throughout adulthood for most women. But Villar was a feminist. Not just "a" feminist; but one of the largest names in feminism. And "The Manipulated Man", was written semi-cryptically, to communicate her message only to those who were able enough to understand it.
Contrary to what the title suggests, "The Manipulated Man" actually has nothing to do with women manipulating men. On the surface of the text, it may seem this way. But ask yourself this question. Why would a feminist writer, who is writing in response to Germaine Greer's position on feminism, devote her prized masterpiece as a book that talks about some of the more common strategies women use to manipulate men? The answer is, she wouldn't.
"The Manipulated Man" was written in irony. To the untrained eye, it was a female psychiatrist calling out & exposing women, to men, on their manipulative strategies. But to a slightly more perceptive reader, it's easy to see how she's actually exposing male social engineers, and how brilliantly they have crafted gender roles; to truly oppress women. The author tries to get women to understand why it's stupid to oppose feminism, and that opposition to feminism and true equality between the sexes, is true oppression.
Vilar does a fantastic job on calling out the brilliant manipulative strategy of men over women. The key to this strategy? Psychological exploitation. Whatever group of men first developed these gender roles, had noticed one thing about human nature. We have a tendency to avoid that which is difficult, which requires more effort, harder effort; and we like things that are safe and easy. This is the same mentality that employers use on their employees. They know that most people prefer comfort over power. So in return for the comfort of not having to manage a business and deal with all the stress that it entails; employees just show up, do work, get paid a salary, and live their normal lives. But employers sacrifice comfort, in return for power. They literally control the employees in every sense of the word. Without a job, the employee is nothing. For as long as they employer has business, he knows he will always find employees looking for work.
This is how men have crafted gender roles, and how they've oppressed women; psychologically. They have convinced them and lead them to believe that women were the ones doing the manipulating. That they were the ones taking advantage of and using men, while they did no real work, and enjoyed a comfortable living. Men conditioned women, to be socialized to desire comfort, to expect comfort, to demand comfort; without realizing what they were sacrificing; power. They wanted women to want the easy way out. To make up excuses to shy away from life's challenges, and instead designate those challenges to men. But in doing so, they have surrendered all power they had as individuals, and given it to men.
This is not going to turn into a lecture on feminism and how profound Vilar's analysis and exposure of male social engineering was.
But, it is going to talk about strong and weak men.
Let's start with weak men. If you don't know what a weak man is, go to youtube and search "Psycho Girlfriend". I strongly encourage you to watch the whole seven part series. Whoever made it did a wonderful job of showing how weak the guy's character is, how easily he's manipulated and pushed over, and how much he lacks the emotional strength to put his foot down; while allowing his psycho girlfriend to literally walk all over him.
Weak men complain about inequality, as if they are somehow the ones that are disadvantaged by it. They clearly fail to understand how inequality actually benefits them, and so, they sit there, whining. They want women to take more initiative and make more effort in starting a new relationship, not because they give two flying sh*ts about giving her the same power to choose a partner, but because they're afraid of doing it themselves. They want women to work, not because they give two flying sh*ts about her being independent, but because they don't feel he would make enough so that they can both live the lives they want to live. They want women to stop being selfish and making relationships only or mostly about what's important to her needs as a woman, not because he wants his needs addressed and no longer ignored; but because he just doesn't enjoy catering to any of the things that are important to her as a woman to begin with.
Those are weak men. "Men" with an emotional intelligence that's lower, and a selfishness that's higher than the women they whine about.
Strong Men:
Strength is not physical. It's not financial. Strength is emotional and intellectual. Men have the wonderful gift of logic. It's pure reason at its finest. If something doesn't make sense, it's rejected. Only if something makes sense, is it accepted. But anything in between is always considered; even if it's never allowed to enter the collection of conditional statements that make up our psychology. But men usually lack what women more than make up for; usually. And what men usually lack is any sense of emotional sensitivity and understanding; usually. Men who lack this sensitivity and understanding, are ironically; weak men. For lacking this emotional sensitivity and understanding, makes one unaware of both the emotions of others as well as his own; and leaves him extremely vulnerable to emotional manipulation, since he cannot recognize the attempts of others to play with his emotions to get a desired specific reaction from him.
Strong men, have both gifts. They are able to enjoy the ability to process information in an objective and unbiased manner. Much like the judge who finds the defendant who is charged with raping his 16 year old daughter, not guilty. He enjoys this wonderful gift of being able to process information dispassionately and impersonally. AND, he can ALSO be emotionally AWARE. He also has the wonderful gift of emotional sensitivity and understanding. And when he's able to develop BOTH of these wonderful gifts, together, he discovers an intoxicating sense of strength.
Manipulating others is child's play. It's so easy for a strong man to do, that it's not even worth his time or mental effort. But by the same token, his strength is not in having control over others. His true strength is having control over himself. In KNOWING, with NO SENSE OF DOUBT, that no matter how hard others try, they cannot control him. That he doesn't have to be emotionally COLD, to be emotionally BULLET-PROOF. He can still be emotionally aware, sensitive and understanding; and be emotionally BULLET-PROOF. Like a switch, HE has the power to turn his emotions on or off; not others. He is his own master, not others. And as he comes to this place, his FEAR of others, DISAPPEARS!
His sense of FEAR, is gone, for others cannot harm him. He feels an unyielding sense of safety and security in knowing that nobody can harm him physically, financially, or emotionally. And when his FEAR is completely GONE, now he feels those other psychological plagues go away too; like insecurity and selfishness. And when he's completely secure with himself, he has the power to stop being concerned about himself, and start caring about others. That's what paternal love is. It has nothing to do with self, and everything to do with others. It's caring, it's giving, it's love. That's what a strong man is.
He looks at inequality, and sees the oppression. That as a man, he never has to care about his looks. He always has the luxury of a safety-net that no woman will ever know; money. Money can buy love, or at least a woman that's very good at acting and pretending. And for as long as he's able to have it, he can continue to grow up without a care or worry in the world of finding a woman to marry him, or have sex with him, to want him, or love him. That he never has to worry about hurting a girl's feelings, because she makes a pass at him but he's not interested. Or have to worry about how she's going to react after her feelings are hurt. I never have to sit there, waiting on woman, at their mercy, waiting for one of them who I'm actually interested in to notice me, to capture her attention, and in those brief delicate moments, somehow motivate her enough to come over and talk to me, because I'll feel like a slut, or easy, or cheap, or desperate, etc. if I do it myself. I never feel that women have constructed this emotional prison over me that doesn't allow me to go after women "I" am interested in; but instead am at their mercy, helplessly waiting for someone I like to come into my life; and hoping for only for her to like me back.
And when a strong man fights for equality between the sexes, his reasons and motives have nothing to do with gender or sex; but about humanity. He's not fighting for equality between men and women, but for equality between people. The fat and skinny, the ugly and beautiful, the non-colored and colored, the rich and poor, the smart and stupid, the male and female. They're all people. With the same needs, with the same desire for affection, caring and LOVE.
And instead of being selfish & insecure, and allowing the silent male oppression of women to continue, he has the emotional strength of character to stand up, as a man, as a human being, and say; this is wrong.
When he fights for equality; he's not trying to take away "responsibility" from himself and pass it on to women. He's insisting on giving the "POWER" that he enjoys as a man, and giving it to women. Because when both of them really are equal, and enjoy and have the same comfort and power as each other; the relationship they both have together, as people, is beautiful. That's love.
To save everyone time: The article was basically motivated by a guy who feels it is unfair that men make all the effort of forming a new relationship, and that their needs are ignored while only what is important to women is given attention to.
First of all,
I hate the whole, men this, women this rhetoric. We're all human. Some of us have different equipment, sometimes larger or smaller than that of others. But we're all the same animal, with the same abilities, the same needs and wants, and the same exact psychology.
The ONLY difference are gender roles. Gender roles are the result of socialization. But who are the social engineers behind these brilliantly-crafted & self-serving roles?
Esther Villar would argue, women. She would go on to say that these "oppressive" roles are not maintained by men, but rather, by women. In her international best-seller, "The Manipulated Man"; she presented her profound thesis to the entire world. That women socially engineer the female gender role as weaker, and male gender role as stronger. That women "oppress" themselves, into staying home with the children, and being emotionally delicate, that by contrast to such an "oppressive" gender role; the male gender role is forced to be the one who sacrifices his life to be conscripted and sent to war at the age of 18, even if it's against his will. His crime? Being born a man. No wonder "women" were the ones who actually created the most "resistance" to feminism.
By contrast, the male gender role must do away with his dream, fantasies & imagination at a very early age, and accept that he will have to sacrifice his life's happiness to finance and support the happiness of his family and his "partner". By contrast, while violence against women is criminal or sexist, violence or sexist remarks made by women against men is called humor. By contrast, men must not vocalize and must learn to ignore their needs, and cater exclusively to those of women. If women were to do the same, they would be called stupid. But for men, it's called "chivalry" and "being a gentleman". By contrast, men must learn to do away with their emotions, in order to break free from the natural anxiety and fear of possible rejection of someone you would like to mate & procreate with; yet, not to such a degree that he is no longer caring & sensitive.
It would seem, that the male gender role has been socially engineered so that if a human that is born male is emotionally weak and easily manipulated, controlled, pushed over and able to be walked all over; he is of use to women. But if he is emotionally too strong, to the point where he cannot be manipulated, controlled, pushed over, or able to be walked on; he is of no use to women. In fact, as Esther Villar suggests, the previous statement would create feelings of sexual desire in women. For women punish male behavior that doesn't cater to their needs, and reward male behavior that caters to their needs. There is a motivation to change others to cater to her needs, while ignoring, belittling or vilifying his. For this reason, there is no attraction to a man who is already a useful & properly programmed. One who isn't however, is an object of interest, and in need of changing so that he can be useful to her like all others. This is how the "fairer sex" has crafted gender roles; to cater to HER needs, with very little to no emphasis on others.
As Villar points out, this mentality is that of a 12 year old girl, who feels the world revolves around her; and that this mentality doesn't change much throughout adulthood for most women. But Villar was a feminist. Not just "a" feminist; but one of the largest names in feminism. And "The Manipulated Man", was written semi-cryptically, to communicate her message only to those who were able enough to understand it.
Contrary to what the title suggests, "The Manipulated Man" actually has nothing to do with women manipulating men. On the surface of the text, it may seem this way. But ask yourself this question. Why would a feminist writer, who is writing in response to Germaine Greer's position on feminism, devote her prized masterpiece as a book that talks about some of the more common strategies women use to manipulate men? The answer is, she wouldn't.
"The Manipulated Man" was written in irony. To the untrained eye, it was a female psychiatrist calling out & exposing women, to men, on their manipulative strategies. But to a slightly more perceptive reader, it's easy to see how she's actually exposing male social engineers, and how brilliantly they have crafted gender roles; to truly oppress women. The author tries to get women to understand why it's stupid to oppose feminism, and that opposition to feminism and true equality between the sexes, is true oppression.
Vilar does a fantastic job on calling out the brilliant manipulative strategy of men over women. The key to this strategy? Psychological exploitation. Whatever group of men first developed these gender roles, had noticed one thing about human nature. We have a tendency to avoid that which is difficult, which requires more effort, harder effort; and we like things that are safe and easy. This is the same mentality that employers use on their employees. They know that most people prefer comfort over power. So in return for the comfort of not having to manage a business and deal with all the stress that it entails; employees just show up, do work, get paid a salary, and live their normal lives. But employers sacrifice comfort, in return for power. They literally control the employees in every sense of the word. Without a job, the employee is nothing. For as long as they employer has business, he knows he will always find employees looking for work.
This is how men have crafted gender roles, and how they've oppressed women; psychologically. They have convinced them and lead them to believe that women were the ones doing the manipulating. That they were the ones taking advantage of and using men, while they did no real work, and enjoyed a comfortable living. Men conditioned women, to be socialized to desire comfort, to expect comfort, to demand comfort; without realizing what they were sacrificing; power. They wanted women to want the easy way out. To make up excuses to shy away from life's challenges, and instead designate those challenges to men. But in doing so, they have surrendered all power they had as individuals, and given it to men.
This is not going to turn into a lecture on feminism and how profound Vilar's analysis and exposure of male social engineering was.
But, it is going to talk about strong and weak men.
Let's start with weak men. If you don't know what a weak man is, go to youtube and search "Psycho Girlfriend". I strongly encourage you to watch the whole seven part series. Whoever made it did a wonderful job of showing how weak the guy's character is, how easily he's manipulated and pushed over, and how much he lacks the emotional strength to put his foot down; while allowing his psycho girlfriend to literally walk all over him.
Weak men complain about inequality, as if they are somehow the ones that are disadvantaged by it. They clearly fail to understand how inequality actually benefits them, and so, they sit there, whining. They want women to take more initiative and make more effort in starting a new relationship, not because they give two flying sh*ts about giving her the same power to choose a partner, but because they're afraid of doing it themselves. They want women to work, not because they give two flying sh*ts about her being independent, but because they don't feel he would make enough so that they can both live the lives they want to live. They want women to stop being selfish and making relationships only or mostly about what's important to her needs as a woman, not because he wants his needs addressed and no longer ignored; but because he just doesn't enjoy catering to any of the things that are important to her as a woman to begin with.
Those are weak men. "Men" with an emotional intelligence that's lower, and a selfishness that's higher than the women they whine about.
Strong Men:
Strength is not physical. It's not financial. Strength is emotional and intellectual. Men have the wonderful gift of logic. It's pure reason at its finest. If something doesn't make sense, it's rejected. Only if something makes sense, is it accepted. But anything in between is always considered; even if it's never allowed to enter the collection of conditional statements that make up our psychology. But men usually lack what women more than make up for; usually. And what men usually lack is any sense of emotional sensitivity and understanding; usually. Men who lack this sensitivity and understanding, are ironically; weak men. For lacking this emotional sensitivity and understanding, makes one unaware of both the emotions of others as well as his own; and leaves him extremely vulnerable to emotional manipulation, since he cannot recognize the attempts of others to play with his emotions to get a desired specific reaction from him.
Strong men, have both gifts. They are able to enjoy the ability to process information in an objective and unbiased manner. Much like the judge who finds the defendant who is charged with raping his 16 year old daughter, not guilty. He enjoys this wonderful gift of being able to process information dispassionately and impersonally. AND, he can ALSO be emotionally AWARE. He also has the wonderful gift of emotional sensitivity and understanding. And when he's able to develop BOTH of these wonderful gifts, together, he discovers an intoxicating sense of strength.
Manipulating others is child's play. It's so easy for a strong man to do, that it's not even worth his time or mental effort. But by the same token, his strength is not in having control over others. His true strength is having control over himself. In KNOWING, with NO SENSE OF DOUBT, that no matter how hard others try, they cannot control him. That he doesn't have to be emotionally COLD, to be emotionally BULLET-PROOF. He can still be emotionally aware, sensitive and understanding; and be emotionally BULLET-PROOF. Like a switch, HE has the power to turn his emotions on or off; not others. He is his own master, not others. And as he comes to this place, his FEAR of others, DISAPPEARS!
His sense of FEAR, is gone, for others cannot harm him. He feels an unyielding sense of safety and security in knowing that nobody can harm him physically, financially, or emotionally. And when his FEAR is completely GONE, now he feels those other psychological plagues go away too; like insecurity and selfishness. And when he's completely secure with himself, he has the power to stop being concerned about himself, and start caring about others. That's what paternal love is. It has nothing to do with self, and everything to do with others. It's caring, it's giving, it's love. That's what a strong man is.
He looks at inequality, and sees the oppression. That as a man, he never has to care about his looks. He always has the luxury of a safety-net that no woman will ever know; money. Money can buy love, or at least a woman that's very good at acting and pretending. And for as long as he's able to have it, he can continue to grow up without a care or worry in the world of finding a woman to marry him, or have sex with him, to want him, or love him. That he never has to worry about hurting a girl's feelings, because she makes a pass at him but he's not interested. Or have to worry about how she's going to react after her feelings are hurt. I never have to sit there, waiting on woman, at their mercy, waiting for one of them who I'm actually interested in to notice me, to capture her attention, and in those brief delicate moments, somehow motivate her enough to come over and talk to me, because I'll feel like a slut, or easy, or cheap, or desperate, etc. if I do it myself. I never feel that women have constructed this emotional prison over me that doesn't allow me to go after women "I" am interested in; but instead am at their mercy, helplessly waiting for someone I like to come into my life; and hoping for only for her to like me back.
And when a strong man fights for equality between the sexes, his reasons and motives have nothing to do with gender or sex; but about humanity. He's not fighting for equality between men and women, but for equality between people. The fat and skinny, the ugly and beautiful, the non-colored and colored, the rich and poor, the smart and stupid, the male and female. They're all people. With the same needs, with the same desire for affection, caring and LOVE.
And instead of being selfish & insecure, and allowing the silent male oppression of women to continue, he has the emotional strength of character to stand up, as a man, as a human being, and say; this is wrong.
When he fights for equality; he's not trying to take away "responsibility" from himself and pass it on to women. He's insisting on giving the "POWER" that he enjoys as a man, and giving it to women. Because when both of them really are equal, and enjoy and have the same comfort and power as each other; the relationship they both have together, as people, is beautiful. That's love.
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